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Outside Writing > There are Some Things I Can't Regret, by Robin Gray

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message 1: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments He first meets you in a crowded hall. You run into him, he stumbles back, you apologize. It should be over at that.

It's the look he gives you. His eyes aren't just blue, they're a cerulean that the sky would feel jealous of. They look like a dolls: dead, lifeless, cold. He looks like life kicked the hell out of him and then kept swinging.

After you apologize, he doesn't say a word. He stares at you for a moment, inquizitive, before he apparently losses interest and walks off.

You keep thinking about those eyes.




Your second meting is on the front lawn of the school. He's lying on the grass, face up, eyes closed, ear buds in. He looks peaceful, almost asleep. His hair falls into his face, a stark contrast of near-black on near-white. You can hear the music: For Elise. You didn't really expect that from him.

He opens one eye as you approach, then closes it again and turns to his side, resting his face in the crook of his arm.

"Can I help you?"

His voice is like a rose: soft, delicate, but barbed, sharp enough to cut if not handled properly. It's laced with exhaustion and fells flat, like he's not really into the sarcasm.

You can't find a response, so you sit down and just feel his prescence.



Three weeks later has you two in bed together.

You want to, you really do, but something stops you. Without his ridiculously oversized sweater, he's smaller than you expected. He looks so damn young.

Then he's down to just his boxers and you get lost.

They trace along his inner thighs, two or three as far down as his knee, in all shades of red and pink and white. They trace along his skin like lines of latitude and longitude, mapping out landmarks of sufferings and the dips an ridges of a land untraveled by those with compassion. He looks up at you, pupils blown wide with more than just arousal, and your hand travels to the razor around his neck. You look up at him, and he stares into your eyes, and they're so far from dead, so alive and afraid and hurt, so young.

You don't know what to do, so you hold him, trace the scars as you map out his mouth with yours.



In the morning, you both wake up at the same and just stare at eachother. Your both wondering why the both of you are still here. Why neither of you left in the middle of the night.



It's not just sex. He's more than that to you. And even if it was just sex, you'd still want to protect him.

When his dad finds out about you two, he shows up at your door. It's raining, and he's just standing there, soaked, with a dead look and a black eye. You have to wrestle him into some dry clothes, desperately ignoring the bandages on his legs. You have this one huge shirt that you like to sleep in when you've had a bad day. It's huge on him, but you know he doesn't like tight clothing. He just stares ahead as you get him changed, and you want to know why.

"My dad... Chastity or something," he finally says, and it's like someone dethorned the rose of his voice and then drowned it.

You don't press him for any information. You both sit on the couch and listen to the rain.



You both sit on the roof of your car, watching the stars blink down at you. His hand is in yours, and your shoulders touch.

"You ever think about leaving?"

It's so casual that he could be talking about anything. But this isn't anything. It's everything.

"I don't know, I'm kind of involved with this guy that lives here. We're pretty serious."

He gives you this smile that melts your heart.

It's not all that far to New York anyway.


message 2: by Alex (new)

Alex Bane | 355 comments Wow


message 3: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments I'll take that as a compliment!


message 4: by Alex (new)

Alex Bane | 355 comments It is, i love it you should make more


message 5: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments Thank you :3


message 6: by Alex (new)

Alex Bane | 355 comments Will you make more


message 7: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments Maybe, if I get inspiration.


message 8: by Alex (new)

Alex Bane | 355 comments Could i help


message 9: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments PM me my friend, we have much to discuss.


message 10: by Alice (new)

Alice (alice20) !
That was REALLY good. I think it's the only story I've ever read in the 2nd person pov!!! The writing was phenomenal, and I love the relationship and romance between the two characters... except you made it feel like I was the one having the experience... which was sort of mind-boggling and awesome at the same time.

One quick suggestion: You say that "For Elise" is playing. The actual piece's name is "Fur Elise". Being the music nerd that I am, I couldn't help but point that out XD

I would absolutely love to read more. Do you have this story on goodreads?


message 11: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments I can post it, give me a sec! And thank you for that correction, would've slipped my mind otherwise!


message 12: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments Chapter Two

He doesn't come home every night. You want to say that it doesn't matter, that the moments you have in your apartment on the east end beat out the hours you spend seperated by thousands of people crammed into six blocks, but they don't. You're too tired, he's too stressed, and you're losing hope.

Then you find the bruises.

They crawl up his wrists, litter his back, run light fingertips over his neck. Black, blue, purple, red, green, yellow, all the colors that make up this rainbow with only a pit of lost hope. You trace them, and he looks at you, and his eyes are dead again.

You don't want him to go back to being a cracked porcelain doll.



"Are you cheating on me?"

He doesn't respond for a moment, folding laundry with deft hands that don't even stumble at the accusation.

"Why would I cheat on you?"

It's a simple deflection, and you could press the issue, but some part of you closes up. You don't want to know, on some level. Because as much as you love him, you don't want the hurt that his admission will inevitably bring.

"I can't imagine."

He looks away, putting the tightly folded shirt in the laundry basket.

"I can't either."



He comes home with a black eye, and you demand answers.

"It's just some guy at work. Mark. He's been giving me a hard time."

He doesn't look at you when he says this.




"He's doing more than just messing with you."

You observation is met by terse silence as he pressed an icepack to his bruised face.




You really hate sirens. Red and blue flashes across your vision, makes his stark skin reflect the light back at you. The noise screams like it's burning, and you hate how it makes him flinch. You hate their disapproving glares while you comfort him, hate the screaming you can hear in the background.

But really, you just hate that haunted look in his eyes.




Hospitals smell like antiseptic and despair, and it compresses your lungs, pulls you back to the dark places of your childhood. But you can't go their now, because his hand is anchoring you, and he looks so drained.

You don't apologize, because you know he'd only resent that. You just sit with him through overnight observation, surrounded by a blanket of silence that presses your shoulders together in warm companionship.

"I love you."

He looks over at you, then down at your clasped hands.

"I love you."

It's an echo, but it lacks that hollow feeling you get when you shout in a cave. It's the kind of echo you hear when someone is learning the words to their favorite song.

It's not a sentence, it's a promise, and you can live with that if it's a promise you can make to him every day.
----------------------------------------------

Thanks to Ali and Amy! A special thank you to my wonderful helper, Alex! <3


message 13: by Alice (new)

Alice (alice20) Your welcome :D This was just as amazing as the first! Is this the end of the story?


message 14: by Robingray (new)

Robingray | 47 comments Not sure, we'll see ;)


message 15: by Alex (new)

Alex Bane | 355 comments Its not trust me


message 16: by Amy (new)

Amy Thomson | 21 comments Incredible again.


message 17: by Lacee (new)

Lacee (laceew45) | 15 comments I love both!!!


message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

Why does he go to the hospital?


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