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Old Contests > Contest 5/12/09-5/19/09

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message 1: by Paige (last edited May 12, 2009 05:25PM) (new)

Paige Miller Contest Starts: May 12th, 2009
Contest Deadline: May 19th, 2009
Theme: Anger
Genre: Fiction or Non-fiction
WC: Somewhere between 500 words and 800 words, preferably (a little under or over is ok)
Judge:Elaine

Judged on:
Fitting the theme, grammar/spelling, and following guidelines :)


message 2: by Catamorandi (last edited May 14, 2009 06:54PM) (new)

Catamorandi (wwwgoodreadscomprofilerandi) --Randi's entry--
THE BREAKTHROUGH OFFICE VISIT

Ariel sat at the chair next to the doctor's office, staring blankly at the ceiling. She wanted nothing more than to leave this place, but the doctor always caught her when she tried. She decided to give it one more try. He caught her once again. She felt so uncomfortable being there.

Dr. Sutherland, Ariel's psychologist, looked at her glumly. He was obviously not bringing the subject up in a way that she would understand. He tried again, "Ariel, what are you angry about? Are you just going to sit there staring at the ceiling for the whole hour?"

Ariel finally looked at the doctor, glaring into his eyes. "I thought we had already gone through this," said Ariel angrily. "I don't do anger. I just don't, Dr. Sutherland, and you know it. Why are you bringing up something I don't want to talk about?"

"I am trying to make you see that you do have anger and you manifest it every day," explained Dr. Sutherland. "I know that you have anger. You tell me about it everytime we meet. Think about it for a minute."

"I'm sorry Dr. Sutherland, but anger means hurt, and I don't hurt anyone. My goal in life is to never hurt anyone. I have been plenty hurt in my life, and I wouldn't want anyone else to go through that," reasoned Ariel.

"Did you know that there is one person you hurt every day? You hurt yourself, not only physically but psychologically as well. You take anger against others and turn it into yourself," said the doctor caringly.

The girl said, "That's because I deserve it. No one else does. I'm used to it. It happens to me all the time from various people in my life."

"Ariel," stated the doctor, "you look like you are about to explode. You need to find an assertive way to get your anger out. It might hurt the person for a while, but at least it gets it out. There are other ways to get your anger out besides confronting or hurting anyone, including yourself. Can I show you what I mean?"

Ariel just sat there, looking into space. Anyone who bothered to look at her could see that she was about to gush out a bucketful of tears.

Suddenly, she lunged at Dr. Sutherland. She starting yelling, crying hysterically, beating him with her fists.

She yelled, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU, DR. SUTHERLAND. I HATE YOU! I DESPISE YOU! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP TRYING TO GET ME ANGRY WHEN YOU KNOW I CAN'T BE ANGRY? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?"

"Ariel, do you know what you just did?" inquried Dr. Sutherland. "You just expressed your anger toward someone but yourself. I am a little the worse for wear physically more than psychologically, but I'm still alive, kicking, and talking to you. See, you can express your anger. You just did and very well, I might add."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Sutherland, you must be mistaken. As I have mentioned about 50,000 time, I DON'T DO ANGER!" she shouted. "WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD THAT I DON'T DO ANGER?"

"Ariel," said a calm and collected doctor, "don't you hear yourself yelling? Didn't you feel yourself beating me with your fists? Couldn't you tell you were shedding angry tears? It was great! You were allowing yourself to feel. Congratulations, you are part of the human race, and you DO do anger."

"I guess I was angry, wasn't I?" resigned Ariel. "I didn't like it, though. I felt like an animal coming in for the kill."

"Well, you did get a little animated. Let me show you some better ways to express your anger," replied Dr. Sutherland. "These are techniques to show your anger without "hurting" anyone, including yourself."

"Oh, please, Dr. Sutherland, please, please show these methods to me. My head feels like a volcano ready to explode. I have to release it slowly and carefully, not all at once. I am so sorry for hurting you that way," apologized Ariel.

"I understand. You can journal, scribble, scream in a remote area, pound pillows, throw wads of paper against the wall, and rip the head of a model clay person. Are you getting the idea of what I am saying?" asked the doctor.

"Yes, I think I do. I think I shall try some of those. Thank you so much for giving me outlets to let out my anger in a constructive, assertive manner," answered Ariel.

"Well, I think this was a very constructive and informative session today. We got you to feel. That is a big step for you," reassured Dr. Sutherland. "Goodbye and I'll see you tomorrow."


message 3: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
LAST CALL FOR STORIES!!! IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THIS CONTEST YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR STORIES POSTED BY MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, MAY 19TH!!!!!!


Xerxes Break(Vivian Ephona) (ephona) Pearl found herself from the confides of her closed eyelids to a strange place of black mist. It was like the darkness of that cell all over again. But the mist felt different. Instead of a mist of darkness that was almost unpalatable, this one felt like actual mist and fog only in a dark color. What was she standing on!? Nothing. She was so confused.

A little tickle in her ear made her jump back in surprise. “Pearl this is your place to create.”

“Excuse me what? Who are you first of all? Usually voices who talk to me are not good.”

“Use your imagination. This is your world of perfection. What you want will be.”

“You’re not just pulling my leg to make me do what you want right?”

“Why would I? This world is yours not mine.” The tickle went away. Pearl frowned. If this was some kind of sick joke, she was gonna kill someone. As she thought that, a silver sword appeared in her hand, some light glistening though it. She smiled.How cool!

Pearl smiled. She thought of a forest full of creatures like the ones she remembered; only it had a paved pathway of orange cobblestones. All of that appeared right before her eyes. Large trees towered over her and vines of thorns swirled around. She laughed with joy. “This is so COOL!”

She smiled at the place around her when she remembered what had just happened before she went to sleep. Those idiots! She snarled. Her sword cut into the think bark of a tree, sticky sap running down like syrup. They all need to die! I want them all to die! Her brain started to make the world again. She saw a few zombie-like images of her worst enemies rise around her. Steve…Sundata…Sif! All of them! And more just like them came up looking like all the people she hated.

“DEATH!” She screamed, her red eyes flashing. “I hate you all! Let’s settle all of this!”

Her sword cut into the images and they acted like real bodies. Blood spurted and poured all over the orange cobblestones and the vines. She did things as simple as cutting off their sorry heads to mutilating them all over to the point where she wasn’t even sure it used to be a human. Rage overflowed from her eyes and the tip of her sword. A red river ran though the only path in sight.

Finally, they stopped. Pearl glared at them in satisfied anger. A blotch of blood on her hand was in the shape of a spade. She grinned at it and held her hand up high. “Since this is my land, I declare myself ruler! One and only!” She laughed triumphantly.

When the trees started to bow to her, she smiled. No one had ever done that to her before. She felt so proud so important. This is the best dream ever…I never want it to end!

“It won’t. It won’t’ ever end, Alice of Spades.”

Pearl gulped as the thorny vines wrapped around her and pulled her in. She felt no pain but extreme pressure tugging her towards something she didn’t want…something she didn’t need…


No one ever saw her again.


message 5: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) Wow, for me that was a hard topic. Everytime I sat down to work on it, I hit a brick wall. I'm sorry, no entry from me on this one.

Thank you.


message 6: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
That's okay, Paige, maybe the next one! =)

Judging in process!


message 7: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (last edited May 20, 2009 09:40PM) (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
********************Results***********************

1st Place Winner: Randi
2nd Place Winner: Ephona

Comments on entries (Note: I used a scale of 1-5 in some of the areas, where 1 is lowest and 5 is highest):

Randi

Word Count: Within limit

Spelling Errors: I counted 3

Grammar Errors: I counted 3

Fitting To Theme (on a scale of 1-5): 5

Captivating Level (on a scale of 1-5): 3

Fluidity (on a scale of 1-5): 4

Sentence Structure (on a scale of 1-5): 4

Overall Notes: Very nice. A little more description and detail might have helped, but the word count limit was, perhaps, confiding. I take it that Ariel is mentally ill? I liked how Ariel kept saying that she doesn't “do anger” when it is so obvious that she is so, so angry.



Ephona

Word Count: Within limit

Spelling Errors: I counted 2

Grammar Errors: I counted 9

Fitting To Theme (on a scale of 1-5): 4

Captivating (on a scale of 1-5): 4

Fluidity (on a scale of 1-5): 3

Sentence Structure (on a scale of 1-5): 2

Overall Notes: Intense! Had potential of being intriguing – what with the little “tickle” in her ear, the imagination place, and raving mad murder – but overall I found the poor grammar and sentence structure too distracting. Quick question: why does the “voice” call Pearl “Alice of Spades” at the end? Very creative! = )


Good job, both of you! And congrats, Randi!


Xerxes Break(Vivian Ephona) (ephona) oh grammar XD I hate that stuff


message 9: by Catamorandi (new)

Catamorandi (wwwgoodreadscomprofilerandi) WOW! Thank you, Elaine! I wasn't sure who would get it. Thanks again, Elaine.


message 10: by Just Plain Ray (new)

Just Plain Ray (Ray_of_Sunshine) | 17 comments Congrats guys :D


message 11: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller Congrats, everyone.


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