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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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An unusually teacher named Shin is forced to be a Fox Demon's servant for life. Another thing about Shin is that when he w..."
Hmm, that sounds really interesting. There are a few things I'm wondering about ... like, are we supposed to sympathize with Shin and Deman? It seems awfully cruel of them to burn down the orphanage. Even if they didn't like it there, don't they realize they'll be killing all the other children? I mean, maybe they're both supposed to be evil and that's your intention, but ... yeah. :P
About them being a couple, I don't see why that's a problem. There are a lot of agender or gender fluid people in the world, so I think it would be cool to represent that since I haven't seen it in a lot of books. And there's nothing wrong with the two of them being a couple since people come in all sexualities/orientations. So yeah, I think it's a cool idea!
Anyway, this is a somewhat minor thing but I would suggest changing Deman's name because it seems really obvious. :P
As for other ideas ... hmm. Well, why does Shin have to be a demon's servant for life? (And is that why he was able to see when people would die?) That is, has he been bound to the demon since the day he was born––and if so, why? Was it something his parents did, some kind of family curse, etc.?
And what does being a demon's servant entail? Does he have to kill people for the demon, or have to "collect" things for the demon (like, I don't know, collecting something gross like fingers or eyeballs)? Is the demon the one who made him burn down the orphanage––and does he regret doing it?
I don't know if I'm really giving you ideas here, just trying to ask some questions that might help you think of more details. ;)
This isn't really brainstorming but I would like help anyway?I'm writing a short story as an expansion on this. (It's less than 800 words if you care to read.) However, I have two versions of the story going and this is where I'm having a problem.
My first version (draft is really a better word, but I haven't finished either) there is a lot of dialogue. Like, a lot. And I feel it takes away from their character and the sincerity of the story, while at the same time I'm showing how snarky he can be and how sarcastic she is and why their relationship ends up being a volatile paradise (in the risk of being cheesy), if that makes any sense. It also makes the story unnecessarily long and more like a novel.
But my second version has a lot more description and barely any dialogue and I like it better, but I feel like I'm not able to get readers to really get a full understanding of the characters and the seriousness of their problem-riddled relationship. To add on, I have to tell readers what they're like instead of showing it through their conversations.
So what do I do? I like the latter better, but even then it's unsatisfactory.
Jude wrote: "Yep. Unsurprisingly, sev and saru came up with it."WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? XD
@ EmilyI remember this from the short story contest. It was really good. :)
Okay, so you are facing a dilemma that many authors encounter when writing a short story: How do you add style and substance within a short written work?
Quite honestly, you should probably take the best qualities from both versions and combine them.
From what I have read, you seem to be the type of writer that relies heavily on imagery and narration, which allows the reader to see your characters' thoughts while making the story richer (I tend to write the same way, too.) My advice would be to go with the second option and rewrite certain parts that allow dialogue to meld smoothly with the scene.
Since I don't have access to either versions of your newly crafted short story, I obviously cannot tell you what parts you should highlight in the story. However, I can recommend using symbolism (such as furniture, colors, certain hobbies/world views) to enhance your characterization and give the story more validation. This way, you don't have to rely on lengthy conversations that only add a bit of substance within large quantities of pages.
From the story you already started, I had a clear sense of the emotion and such, but I wanted to know more about the actual events. What decided their relationship? Why did he feel the need to attempt suicide? How is their relationship special? What occurred over the weeks of time that the reader does not witness?
This is just my suggestion based on what I have read, but if you need any more help, just ask! :)
Anthony wrote: "@ EmilyI remember this from the short story contest. It was really good. :)
Okay, so you are facing a dilemma that many authors encounter when writing a short story: How do you add style and sub..."
Those questions at the end are what I'm explaining in this story, and that's why I really wanted it to be just right. Thank you! That really helped out.
@ JudeYou're welcome. I'm glad that I could help. :)
@ EmilyNo problem! Reading a story that you wrote and trying to figure out what to explain more is always hard. I really like your writing style, so I hope you make a great story. :)
Around 2 AM last night, while I was at work, I had the idea to perform a poem in which I drop a dozen raw eggs, one at a time. What sorts of things should said poem talk about?
Write about the economy in which the eggs represent the money that we waste or something.
Ooh. I've yet to write a political piece like that. I'll think about it.
![Raevyn "Lucia" [I'm in it for the books] (raevynstar) | 121 comments](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1374959527p1/18721584.jpg)
So!I'm thinking of having a novel where a boy (name: Tomlin) is 'possessed' by a wraith or something like that, only he refuses to give in completely. There's a girl (Gregoria) who refuses to leave him as they search for the cure, even though he's dangerous.
Is it too much like The Host and the Gone series (you know, with the aliens/the Darkness/the or something)? If so, how could I change it?
Raevyn wrote: "So!I'm thinking of having a novel where a boy (name: Tomlin) is 'possessed' by a wraith or something like that, only he refuses to give in completely. There's a girl (Gregoria) who refuses to lea..."
I don't know... I think it sounds almost too much like The Host. The possession, but not giving in...
Okay. *works on developing it more*
Ooh! Ooh! Idea!So, is anyone familiar with the plot of A Midsummer Night's Dream? Well, I was thinking of writing a spoof of it, only way more serious and set in the future (yes, I got that idea from Cinder). The fairies are the mafia, who are way more powerful and dangerous than the government would like. The four lovers (Kadlyn, Heather, Malikai, and Litchell, representing Hermia, Helena, Demetrius, and Lysander respectively) are teenagers who go to a government operated military boarding school.
The plot would pretty much follow the Midsummer Night's Dream plot, only with twists and turns along the way. And I haven't figured out how to incorporate the Pyramus and Thisbe side plot, so maybe I'll drop that. Anyway, I don't know if this made sense, but I think it could be really cool.
Sev–I tried being normal once. It was horrible. wrote: "Ooh! Ooh! Idea!So, is anyone familiar with the plot of A Midsummer Night's Dream? Well, I was thinking of writing a spoof of it, only way more serious and set in the future (yes, I got that idea ..."
ME LIKES THAT IDEA THOUGH I HAS NO RECOLLECTION OF THE PLOT OF MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM EXCEPT FOR WHAT I SAW IN THE SUITE LIFE OF ZACK AND CODY.
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First idea:
People come back as ghosts when they die with unfinished business, like revenge or love. But the main character wanted to die and when he realizes his life is about to end, he's relieved. Until he comes back as a ghost and he has no idea how to take care of the reason he came back and leave the world forever. No one can see him and he's worse off than he was before he died. But then a girl starts talking to him. Everyone thinks she's crazy and needs help. But she decides to help him figure out how to die completely. And then they fall in love and all of that fun stuff and it'll be angsty and funny and whatnot and have deep stuff about life and what gives it meaning and why we do things and create things and love other people.
Second idea:
A bunch of teenagers work at a Christian summer camp for younger kids. All of the kids look up to them and think they're the best people ever. But the little kids don't know what goes on behind the scenes. Their role models are... well, typical teenagers. I don't want it to be preachy or anything, so I'm going to be careful that it doesn't sound like a problems book, but I want to have stuff with drinking and sex and depression and all of that. And it'll basically just be about how people never know what's really going on with people they think they admire.
message 126:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Actually, I kind of agree with Brigid. But, I think that the plot you described in option 2 is a little vague, so I can't really imagine a book that's entirely about that-- but, I do like the concept. I just think it would be better suited to a short story.
Okay so I have an idea too but I think it would be really lame...So a few months ago I posted in another thread about an idea that I had where inanimate objects would tell the story from their point of view. I think that, back then, the story was about a girl who got kidnapped or something like that.
But I'm not sure if I should do that story or another story that I created as a sort of spin-off of that one (although, the two are quite different) for NaNo.
The second idea is one I think I'm more drawn to, an idea about a girl named Jaycee who realizes that she's been living someone else's life. It's not the overdone switched-at-birth plot, though. It's like, her mom's first child was born stillborn, so the heartbroken mother decided to adopt a baby girl so she could forget about the stillborn or something like that. Anyway, the story would be about prophecies. It’s strictly forbidden to look at someone else’s prophecy, but you can look at your own (They're, like, stored in a museum with lots of security cameras and whatnot). It lists stuff like when you’re going to die and how many children you’re going to have and stuff like that… and like, Jaycee looks at hers and (she doesn’t know that she was adopted of course) she sees that it says that she died when she was 4 hours old, and she thinks that she’s a zombie for some time or something…….. ugh that doesn’t make sense.
Okay, enough rambling ;) if you guys have any feedback it would be greatly appreciated!!
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(This is just me... brainstorming, haha. If you don't like it, it's okay.)
That sounds pretty cool! Only...... what do you mean by "her records said she was Jaycee"...... like, there was a photo or something? I mean, it would be pretty hard for Jaycee to look at it and say, hey, that's me!
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The whole "Her mom got her illegally" thing is reminding me of
because in that one there's this whole "you're adopting this baby illegally and I'm not going to sign your adoption forms" thing going on.
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I have an idea people got infected, like how it is with zombies, but instead of turning into zombies they turn into DINOSAURS!!! I actually wrote the beginning of it.
But, I don't know what should actually happen...
Here's the beginning, it's really short...
Something very strange has happened. It's all over the news. Dinosaurs are all over the city, killing and eating people. All kinds of dinosaurs. No one has any idea how this has happened. It started with people going missing... Hundreds went missing. Then, the dinosaurs came.
I actually got this from a dream I had...
Raevyn wrote: "Okay. *works on developing it more*"Yayz, I just found out how to develop it more! So what if the boy was poisoned as a baby, so that the
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Okay, so basically, the main female character has selective mutism and general anxiety, but she isn't diagnosed with it as a child (like most people are), because she goes to a tiny private school and feels comfortable with all of the kids there so she can talk to them. She can't really talk to people she doesn't know, but her parents and teachers just assume she's really shy and no one sees it as a big deal, because around her close friends she's very outgoing. Then her family moves sometime during high school and she has to start going to this giant school and she freezes and can't talk to anyone except for her family and little kids and then her parents start freaking out at her for not talking to anyone at her new school and eventually she stops being able to talk to them too (because her anxiety and whatnot comes from her feeling like people are judging her so she can't handle it, etc.) and she can't make any close friends to feel comfortable around because everyone assumes she's stuck up since she won't talk to them. And it gets to the point where she can only talk to little kids (and her piano teacher because she feels really comfortable around him for whatever reason.) So there's this boy who hears rumors about her and he's all attractive and plays a sport and he's like "dude I could totally get this girl to talk to me" so he starts obsessively talking to her and asking her questions and everything and it makes her super uncomfortable and at one point he's rambling to her and she just gets up and leaves. But then as time goes on, she finally writes him a note that says, "Dude, I literally can't talk to you, so give it a rest." And then they just start writing all of these giant notes to each other and they start to fall in love and then at some point, he hears her talking to little kids and he's like "wow, your voice sounds amazing" and he's really hurt that her anxiety won't let her talk to him because he's all "Why don't you feel comfortable around me if you say you feel this way about me" etc. and then... other things happen and yeah. I want it to address the fact that some boy falling for you won't fix all of the problems you have, especially problems like anxiety and whatnot, but I also want to show that having someone love you does help and I'm pretty excited.
Sounds so cool. You must finish that so I can read it
message 142:
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Sam~~ we cannot see the moon, and yet the waves still rise~~
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Alicia (Lav) wrote: "I finally know what I want to do for my NaNo, and I'm not iffy this time, which probably means this is the one I should go for. And I'm super excited about it so I'm posting it here because I want ..."i like it.
but yeah, you don't want to make it all girl-meets-boy-who-solves-all-her-problems-y.
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Hahaha Awwww I can't wait to read it!
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... maybe I should make a topic for this. Meh.
Do it I need help with my NaNo idea(s).
message 148:
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Sam~~ we cannot see the moon, and yet the waves still rise~~
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i thought there already was a nano topic...?
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So far, I know that my story is going to take place in Johnson County, Kansas. My main characters are going to be rich, white teenagers who go to a school that has a very definite social hierarchy. The rich kids all tend to hang out with each other and see themselves as above the other people at their school and tend to think they can get away with a lot because of their money. They aren't vapid, though; most of them are very driven and intelligent people because I want to show a different side of being rich and popular than a lot of media portrays. They don't heavily bully any of the less popular people, they just see them as lesser and tend to ignore them or make rude comments. Which makes things really awful for other people who feel like they aren't worth as much, but it's not like the popular people are going around destroying other people's property or throwing them into trash cans. It's more of an environment thing.
Gwen (my main female character) comes from a fairly wealthy background and she's attractive, and even though she's very into social justice and trying to break down these ideas of class, she's part of the system she claims to hate. She wants to stand up for something, but because she can't talk, she feels stuck in a place she can't stand and feels like she's adding to the problem. Tristan (the main love interest person) comes from an extremely wealthy background and feels a ton of pressure to be the kind of person his father and all of his friends think he needs to be. He's not a jerk or anything, but he doesn't want to shake anything up or stand out in a negative way.
I need something to happen that Gwen and Tristan will both be witness to (but neither of them actively take part in) that Gwen wants to speak up about and can't. So she asks Tristan to speak up about it, but he won't.
I was thinking maybe a teacher does something to mess with the hierarchy the rich kids have established and they frame the teacher to get them fired? Something along those lines. Or getting a kid kicked out of the National Honor Society because they aren't popular enough? Those are just vague ideas and I'm not sure. So suggestions would be helpful!
Does the inciting incident have to do with the social hierarchy, or your MCs finding their voices? Or both?
Young Writers
Books mentioned in this topic
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (other topics)Three Black Swans (other topics)
Harriet the Spy (other topics)
Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library (other topics)
An unusually teacher named Shin is forced to be a Fox Demon's servant for life. Another thing about Shin is that when he was younger (Like 5 or 6 or something like that...) he could see how people would die just from looking at their souls... Shin used to live in an Orphanage. He and his best friend, Deman (Still not 100% sure with the name!) ran away from the Orphanage and burned it down not that long after. So, everyone inside died, even the children. Then, when Shin is a teacher... Deman appears...
Now, there is one problem I seem to have and it's the fact that Shin and Deman are a couple, but I'm confused. Because Deman isn't really a man or woman!
But, whatever. Deman is demon, too. And so, Deman goes to the school or whatever where Shin teaches.
And then they have a weird relationship...
And Deman's dad or whatever comes and tells Deman that he/she has to marry some Lady Demon. And that's where I've stopped. All I need is a title and maybe a little help fixing this story up... (Probably a lot of help fixing it up...)
I barely even know what this story is REALLY about!!
And some ideas would also be nice...