Brainstorming Room

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

YOU'RE WELCOME, EMILY. :D

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

I have a story in mind, it's about a banshee. I don't know if my Idea is any good so just tell me what you think. So uh... here it is.


Kensia, a girl who just turned eighteen and found out that she wasn't normal like she thought she was and worse she found out that she wasn't even human. She found out that she was a wailing women, otherwise known as a banshee. A girl who screams just before someone dies.

As Kensia uncovers the secrets of her true identity she finds out that she is being hunted, by some kind of coven of sorts. She doesn't know why there after her, but a strange boy who happens to be part of that coven may lead her to the answers to her questions. But can she trust him? He says he wants to help, but is that really what he wants or does he have some dark alternative motive?


I'm not sure if this is any good or if that's exactly how the plots going to be. I kind of just thought of it last night before I went to bed. So please tell me what you think and I'll work from there.

[Taylor]

My initial reaction is that this is a pretty awesome premise. As a lover of YA paranormal romances, I'd read it in a heartbeat.

As for your plot…once you figure out more, I'd like to hear about it. All the paranormal plots seem to be the same though, so…be wary there.

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

Yeah I'm trying to make it as original as possible. Thanks for the feedback. :)

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

This is how I decided to start my story. What do you think so far? Should I start it differently or is this okay?

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Chapter one

“I already told you I don’t know why I was screaming” Kensia said for about the fifth time that day.

Dr. Frankferd sighed softly, “Were you scared, or perhaps you saw something.” he said.

“No I wasn’t scared and no I didn’t see anything.” Kensia said, “I was just having a good time with my friends, hanging out at the beach. Then suddenly I started scream for no reason. Then the next thing I know I’m waking up in the hospital with a doctor telling me that I have a concussion. Apparently when I finished screaming I passed out and hit my head on a log or something.” she said a bit irritably.

Dr. Frankferd nodded slightly, and he must have noted her irritation because he went on to say, “I know this must be frustrating, but maybe it’ll help if you play over the whole night for me. So that we’ll both get a better understanding of what happened.” he said.

“I already went over it with the police” Kensia said.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

[Sevania]

I like it, but I think I need something more grabbing to really get into it. Like, maybe start at the point where she sees someone and just starts screaming, even though she doesn't know why - that would be more dramatic. You have some punctuation, errors, too, but they're not super serious.

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

Okay, I'll take that into consideration. Thanks for the feedback and I fix the grammatical errors.

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

I agree with what Sev said ... It would be better to start with the action rather than the main character just telling someone what happened, because it's just not as exciting/interesting. And yeah ... there are a lot of grammar problems, especially with the punctuation of the dialogue. Maybe this might help?

Also, this topic is more for brainstorming ideas than for posting writing for feedback. If you want feedback, it would be more helpful if you created a topic for the story and put it in the appropriate genre folder. Thanks!

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll fix it.

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

No problem!

[Taylor]

M'kay…I think it's silly to put this here because of the low traffic here and basically being off-topic, but whatever.

I HAVE A STORY IDEA THAT I WANT FEEDBACK ON.

So, the magic system is based off of waves. One way you can look at a wave is by looking at a fixed position in space. As the medium oscillates, the particles move to and from a spot, and if you only look at the one spot, it seems as if it is appearing and disappearing, yes?

Well…I decided to apply that to people. So there are special "magicians" called Oscillators that can vibrate their bodies at very high speeds, to the point that it allows them to shift to another plane (or "dimension" if you prefer) of existence. They can leave this plane and basically enter another, where they interact with matter that is of a different makeup, etc. It's all technical details from there.

The Oscillators, while not typically political leaders, have a great control over commerce and many social aspects. At this point in the story, they are starting to turn somewhat corrupt, because that is just what happens in a story.

Well, you have a few Oscillators that are "broken" -- they don't vibrate quite fast enough to go to the other plane, but they flicker in and out. One of these Oscillators is hired to be a spy, because his flickering allows him to only exist in the other plane for very brief moments, making him hard to see.

At one point, though, he comes across someone who can fix him, but the guy realizes that being fixed makes his spying a lot harder. He learns this the hard way and gets captured.

That's all I've got for now. Any thoughts? Is this worth spending any time on?

[Isaac]

That's a really unique concept, actually.

[Taylor]

Well, yeah…so is my story idea about people who get high off certain leaves so they can commune with the gods of the trees the leaves come from. XD What I mean to say is that, just because it's unique doesn't mean that it's good. Sooooo…is it worth reading?

[Elliott]

Hmm. I feel like if it was done right, I might be into it, but it would have to be very very good writing to avoid sounding ridiculous since the concept is so out there.

[Sam~~ we cannot see the moon, and yet the waves still rise~~]

yeah, i'm with alicia on this.

[Taylor]

Well, it's a fantasy, so of course most readers would walk into it having already suspended their disbelief.

[Isaac]

But there is always that line between a good book and people wondering how high you were when you wrote it.

[Taylor]

Higher than a kite, for the record. You know that darned ibuprofen is dangerous. XD

[Sevania]

I would read it, definitely. You'd just have to have clear world building. I would also read any story about people getting high to talk to gods... just sayin'.

[Isaac]

The oracles of Delphi.

[Taylor]

@Sev

Yeah, the world building would have to be pretty sharp. There's still a lot to work on -- I came up with that idea when brainstorming with Savannah last week.

And I wouldn't mind that other story idea, except that it was invented under really awkward circumstances, so it's just weird to me.

[Dana]

Taylor [Pardon me while I fanboy over you] wrote: "Well that died fast.

I'm brainstorming a few stories right now. This one particular tale is bothering me, though.

The way I have it envisioned is that a few kids wake up in a library with little..."

Taylor, your idea reminded me a little of Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library. Basically, a few children a picked to participate in a lockdown competition in an enormous, huge library. It has everything, from holograms to video games, etc. Very futuristic. And the kids have to join forces to get out. (The first, or first team, to get out, is the winner). It's very different from your idea, of course, but it just reminded me of it.

[Taylor]

Ooh, that's really interesting. Very cute idea…you're right, my story is obviously very different…I don't think it'll be quite as humorous, at least. :D

Thanks for sharing. Interesting stuff. :)

[Taylor]

Thinking aloud here about my musical tremor idea.

What if this were a disease engineered by the government for certain people…I'm not quite sure yet at whom it would be targeted…but you have this boy who used to be a musician who has this disease.

I just think it could be a really emotional scene to have him sit down at the piano and start trying to play, and he keeps on going even though his whole body is rocking back and forth and his head is pounding and such. Thoughts?

[Dana]

Taylor [Pardon me while I fanboy over you] wrote: "Ooh, that's really interesting. Very cute idea…you're right, my story is obviously very different…I don't think it'll be quite as humorous, at least. :D

Thanks for sharing. Interesting stuff. :)"

:D

[Dana]

I think that the emotional scene would have to be written very very carefully. Would he know that he had the 'disease'? It might not be as emotional if he didn't know and he might be extremely frustrated. But if he was knowingly doing it, it might be very powerful. Like I said, it depends.

[Dana]

Okay so this is a very old idea, but I haven't developed this idea a lot yet. Thoughts?

So there's this girl. She's going through a lot-- her mother recently ran away with another man, her father immersed himself in work, her sister is depressed, etc.-- and her father decided to move the broken family to another state. There, she's assigned a penpal for school, whom she tells everything. The penpal becomes her best friend, though she's never seen her.

Here is where 2 scenarios could happen.

1) the penpal turns out to be one of the students in the class next door and they become even closer friends.
2) the penpal knows her secrets and starts blabbing and the girl is even more crushed.

Personally, I think that the second ending could be more interesting, but I'd have to play it out more. I.e. Maybe the girl tried to re-invent herself since moving and the penpal tells all her secrets about her old self so now her new friends feel like they don't know her anymore?

Does that even make sense? Also, is this idea cliche? Now that I think about it... it kinda sounds a bit cliche.

[Taylor]

@Dana

Yeah, he knows he has the disease…I'm not sure what his motives for putting himself through that painful experience would be, though.

[Dana]

Maybe he feels that he needs to do it? Maybe he hates the disease and wants to feel as if he could conquer it, for once?

[Taylor]

@Dana

That's one option I'm considering. I'm also considering that he could use it as a personal rebellion against the people who gave him the disease, or possibly as a form of self-harm.

[Dana]

That's cool. I personally think that the self-harm idea would work better, mostly because the people who gave him the disease wouldn't know about it.

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

Dana ~tears in my eyes but not down my face~ wrote: "Okay so this is a very old idea, but I haven't developed this idea a lot yet. Thoughts?

So there's this girl. She's going through a lot-- her mother recently ran away with another man, her father ..."

I think I need clarification on a few things ... So like, she gets a penpal who lives in the same town as her and goes to her school? That's kind of unusual, isn't it? I don't know, I feel like people usually get penpals who live somewhere else, but ... maybe their school has some kind of system where they set up students as penpals for some reason?

And I think the second idea sounds like a better starting point for a conflict. The first sounds like there wouldn't be much tension or anything, so it might not be as interesting. There would have to be some things you'd need to flesh out though. Like, why would her penpal decide to tell the whole school her secrets? What would be her motivation behind that? That's a pretty cruel thing to do. Also, I think the stakes need to be a bit higher. I feel like, if her friends found out her secrets, it's not like they would turn their back on her; they'd probably just feel bad for her and want to help her through all the horrible things she's experiencing. I think they would either have to find out that the protagonist had done something really bad in the past, or the protagonist said mean things about them in her letters to her penpal, etc. Of course, then it starts to get a bit like Harriet the Spy I guess ... but, I don't know. Just throwing out ideas here. ;)

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

Okay so ... I don't know if anyone can really help me out here, and I'm probably going to do a bad job of explaining it (mostly because I haven't thought the idea out enough yet I guess), but I'm kind of desperate to figure something out, so here goes.

So, I'm planning for my NaNo novel and I feel like most of the pieces have started to fit together, but I have one gaping hole ... and that's the villain's motivation.

Just to explain it in a nutshell, the story takes place in this post-apocalypic/alternate (I haven't really decided) world, where there aren't many people left and there are all these swamps full of mutant creatures and whatnot. And the main character is trying to find his best friend, who was kidnapped by some kind of demon guy and his evil minions or whatever who are trying to build some kind of child army.

So, I'm struggling with this villain because I can't really decide what his deal is. I think he's not entirely human and he has some kind of evil brainwashing powers or something along those lines. But I also don't want him to be some kind of two-dimensional character who is only evil for the sake of being evil. So, I'm just trying to come up with an idea as to why he would want to live in the middle of a giant creepy swamp trying to build a child army.

So uh, anyone have any ideas? It's okay if no one does, but I was just wondering. :P

[Raevyn]

Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Okay so ... I don't know if anyone can really help me out here, and I'm probably going to do a bad job of explaining it (mostly because I haven't thought the idea out enough yet I guess), but I'm k..."

Maybe he could be the one who made the swamp mutants in the first place, meaning them to 'good' before the experiment went wrong and now he's bitter?

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

Raevyn wrote: "Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Okay so ... I don't know if anyone can really help me out here, and I'm probably going to do a bad job of explaining it (mostly because I haven't thought the ide..."

I should probably have said something about this, but like ... the mutant creatures aren't supposed to be experiments or anything––more like some side-effect of some bad thing that happened to the planet (I don't know what yet). So, the world is already this chaotic mess and I guess the villain kind of wants to take advantage of that, but he's not directly responsible for the way the world is, if that makes sense. He could be some kind of mutant himself ... I'm not really sure. Anyway, thanks for your suggestion though. ;)

[Raevyn]

Ohhh okay. :)

[Dana]

Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Dana ~tears in my eyes but not down my face~ wrote: "Okay so this is a very old idea, but I haven't developed this idea a lot yet. Thoughts?

So there's this girl. She's going through a lot-- her m..."

Wow, thanks Brigid! Well, how about if she had had the penpal before the move? Would that make more sense? Or just super cliche-y and coincidental? I mean, the odds of having a penpal who goes to a school you move to is pretty slim, isn't it?

Yeah... you're right, it's starting to be a bit of a mix between Harriet the Spy and the movie Wild Child (plus the penpal bit). I agree with going with the second option, and I'll continue thinking about the details. Thanks a ton!

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

Hmm ... I don't know, maybe she gets a penpal from that town a few months before she moves, so that she can know what it will be like to live in that town before she moves there? Like, maybe she's nervous about moving so she wants to get a penpal from her future hometown so that she can know a bit about it before she lives there. So that way it wouldn't be coincidental ... I'm not sure how one would arrange that, but they could probably arrange it over the Internet somehow (or their parents could, depending on the age of the main characters).

[Kathryn]

Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Okay so ... I don't know if anyone can really help me out here, and I'm probably going to do a bad job of explaining it (mostly because I haven't thought the idea out enough yet I guess), but I'm k..."

Maybe when the villain was a child, before the side-effects and all that good stuff, he was always looked down upon for being physically weak, so much that his family abandoned him when he turned to them for help. So after the incident, he becomes really powerful, and decides to take revenge on those who wronged him. He even convinces himself that he's the human equivalent of God (like Edmond Dantes). He wants to create the child army as proof of his authority.
Kind of cliche, I know. >.<

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

Kathryn wrote: "Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Okay so ... I don't know if anyone can really help me out here, and I'm probably going to do a bad job of explaining it (mostly because I haven't thought the ide..."

Well, the whole "troubled childhood" thing is pretty clichéd as you said, although it can still sometimes work if it's original enough ... but, I don't know. He may be some kind of scapegoat/outcast, but I haven't really thought of a reason why his family would reject him. I do like the idea of him thinking he's the human equivalent of God, though (like, maybe he thinks what he's doing is good and that he was sent to save everyone)––so I might be able to do something with that. Thanks for your help. ;)

[Taylor]

I should write a story about someone with a God complex. That's an idea that really fascinates me. :D

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

Yes, it's an interesting subject. ;)

[Grace]

Jude wrote: "It has been requested that I write a bloody horror love story about narwhals. Any Ideas? I think I will need names for the male narwhal, the female narwhal, and some names for innocent people who m..."

That sounds very interesting...

[Sevania]

Are the narwhals murderers? It would be very entertaining to read about narwhals goring people with their horns.

[Sevania]

Okay. That works. So, like, Killer and Stacy forever?

[Sevania]

Never mind :P

[Anthony]

@ Brigid

I think I might have a solution to your dilemma. If I can explain it correctly.

If the swamp mutants are a result of some natural (or scientific) disaster, then maybe your villain is really a corrupted "good guy."

What if he was really someone that initially wanted to help the planet, possibly because people were making the planet's condition worse (kind of like global warming and such?) He could have been a scientist trying to improve the world. Maybe he experimented, which contributed to the disaster, maybe not. regardless, after the planet-changing event occurs, he is crushed. He is then convinced that he wants nothing to do with humanity.

So what does he do? What many people do after tough circumstances: he seeks isolation. Since he feels such a strong connection with nature, he retreats to the swamp.

After a while, he hears about the trouble occurring in the world (namely, within the swamps.) He then changes his preconceived notion of isolation and decides that the future generations must change in order to heal the planet. Which means brain-washing children to enact his wish for a "better" planet.

I know what you are probably wondering: how does he do this? I have a few theories.

1. Due to his scientific nature, he might stumble upon some combination of plants, combined with his own technological resources, that can control people (a la Divergent, by Veronica Roth.)

2. Since the world is suffering, its people are also. Disease, lack of resources, and famine are affecting everyone. Many parents die because of these, which drives children to scavenge around places where nature is dangerous but still prosperous: the swamps. And along the way, each child meets the Scientist, who promises them an ideal world, free of hunger or death. All they have to do is swear undying loyalty to his agenda.

3. If you want to take a more magical-scientific approach, you could have the Scientist make a serum that attunes him to nature. He ends up, after listening to the pleas of the planet's dwindling flora and fauna, finding some ancient, long-forgotten being that is basically the heart of the planet (kind of like a more gruesome Mother Nature.) It bestows upon him the secrets of communicating with all living things on earth via telecommunication, which leads to him slowly breaching the minds of the young to give tidbits of his ideology. Soon, they find comfort in the voice in their heads (scary thought, but lets go with it!) They either host a rebellion( a la The Butterfly Revolution, by William Butler) or are lured one by one to the swamps, where they meet the Scientist.

These are just a few ideas to get you started. f you need any more help, just ask!

[Anthony]

@ Jude

Yay! Narwhals!

Okay, since you do not have much of a plot, let me propose something that might support a romance/murder/narwhal storyline (wow, that sounds complicated!)

What if there is an arctic-based research facility observing a pod (social group of whales) of narwhals for medical/economical benefits? And during the observations, the researchers decide to capture some of the narwhals.

In enters the two main characters, the loving narwhal couple. The researchers end up capturing the female narwhal, which is pregnant and close to term, and decide to nurture her until the baby is due. Then they will start experimenting on the mother and raise the baby in captivity in order to study the biological changes in the narwhal's life cycle.

This enrages the male narwhal and, with help from his fellow narwhals (or he could act on his own, depending on how the story develops), he decides to fid a way to get the research compound to release his mate.

He could either:

1. Find a way to break into the compound and murder the people.

2. Lets himself get captured and somehow breaks through whatever is containing him to murder the people and rescue his mate.

Either way, they can somehow escape and swim happily ever after, or stay and host a war on the humans.

As for names, I have a few in mind:

Boy names-
Emilio
Juan
Hashim
Haziel

Girl names-
solveig
Gisella
Eniyah
Eriyana

Need any more help? feel free to ask me!

[Anthony]

You are welcome, Jude. Anything to help a fellow writer! :)

[Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.]

Anthony wrote: "@ Brigid

I think I might have a solution to your dilemma. If I can explain it correctly.

If the swamp mutants are a result of some natural (or scientific) disaster, then maybe your villain is rea..."

Thanks so much for all your suggestions! Yeah, I was thinking something along the lines of him being a good person who has become corrupted, gone insane, etc. I'm starting to think that I'm going to set the story in an alternate world where there's this "magic pollution" that caused the problems. That is, every time people used magic, some of it kind of leaked into the air ... and it's basically a type of radiation that has caused people to get sick and die, caused animals to mutate, etc.

I think your third idea is more of what I'm going for. I like the concept of him binding himself to some sort of demon or something along those lines. I'm already planning for there to be these twin goddesses that look over this planet, so it would make sense to have a counterpart to that (demons, monsters, etc.). So yeah, thank you! You definitely sparked some ideas for me. :)