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Writer's Corner > I need feedback please! <3

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Eva | 16 comments Ok i really would love some feedback for my two books!! Heres the Liks- http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...
And
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...



Heres a bit to read now of Finding Hope!



CHAPTER ONE

“TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!!!” My mum shouted from downstairs. I sighed and got up from my seat at my desk, and walked over to my stereo to turn down the volume. I sat back down at my desk and continued writing the essay that was due tomorrow.
“Abby, Abby!” My little sister cried as she opened my bedroom door. My real name was Hope, but my little three year old sister calls me Abby for some reason that I’m really not quite sure of.
“Yes princess?” I sighed as she jumped onto my lap.
“Will you read me a story please, Abby?” She said in a way to cute to say no to. I picked her up and brought her over to my bed. “I have to do something very important now so maybe in a while ok?” I asked her as nice as I could. She gave me a quizzical look then bounced of the bed and skipped out of the room.
For the second time in five minutes I returned to my essay and tried to concentrate. I wrote my name the date and the first sentence and then my phone vibrated. I felt the need to throw it at something but that would be such a waste of my birthday gift last year. I grabbed my phone off my shelf and checked the new message I had.
It was from my friend Ciara, it read:
OMG!!!
Guess what just happened?!
Super emergency call ASAP!!

I groaned at my melodramatic friends message. I would have to deal with her later. I would have bet money though that it was something to do with her boyfriend Tyler, they were always getting into fights or cheating on each other. They were old news.
I looked back at my essay. I had written nine words out of the three thousand word minimum. Just great, and it was due tomorrow! I glared at my paper for a minute then decided I needed a soda, so I hopped up from my chair and went down stairs.
In the kitchen my mum was making dinner. I leaned over the counter with my soda in my hands. “Could you pass me the knife please?” My mum asked me. I handed it to her, then took another swig of my soda. “Where’s dad?” I asked.
“He just went out to the shop for me, Maggie went with him.” She replied without looking at me. I nodded slowly, trying unsuccessfully not to think about the blank piece of paper sitting at my desk in my room.
“Do you know what you want to do for your birthday yet, sweetie?” She asked me. I thought for a second without answering. “I’m not sure.” I said truthfully. I had tons and tons of friends. I was practically the most popular girl, even though I didn’t like to admit it. I was in the popular group, we got invited to all the cool parties and we threw even better ones. But for my seventeenth birthday I wasn’t sure I wanted the normal big birthday bash thingy again. I wanted, needed, something different.
“Ciara called by the way.” My mum broke my thoughts. I sighed, “I know, she called me too.” My mom gave me a look as if to say it’s rude not to call back. I just shrugged. “I’m gonna go back upstairs, I still have to finish my essay.” I told my mom before heading back up to my room.
I sit down at my desk determent to finish my essay. I look around my room to find my pencil. I swear I had put it right beside my paper. I look at the bed then I crawl under the desk just in case it fell. Nowhere to be seen. “MUM!” I shout. I wait three seconds for the reply, “yes, hun?” she replies. I walk to the top of the stairs so I don’t have to shout.
“Did you move my pencil?” I ask, tapping my foot in frustration. She thinks for a moment then after what feels like hours she says, “no, I don’t think so.” I groan. Typical mum. I hurry back to my bed room and look back at my desk. The pencil is sitting right where I left it. I growl in frustration. I pick up the pencil and start writing. About three sentences later I look over at my bed. My phone is lying there with three new messages. My laptop is sitting beside it, just ready to open and- I stop myself from thinking about these things. This paper counts for thirty percent of my grade this year. But it would be rude not to reply to the texts..
No. I pick up an emty box and grab my phone, laptop and any other things that could distract me. (which is surprisingly a lot!) after four minutes of this I sit back down. I pick up my pencil and-
“DINNER!” my mum calls from down stairs.
Great. Looks like I won’t get it done after all.


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