Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion
Weekly Poetry Stuffage
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Week 167 (May 16-23). Poems. Topic: A Feeling of Being Watched.
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Nice topic, Kat! I'm thinking of stealing our Captain's stalker tree haiku and posting it as mine! :) Ofcourse, I ll then have to suffer the wrath of Frank and get fed to the sharks :)
Yes, that's the one F. I enjoyed it too.Alex, it's more than good enough! It's a perfect fit for the topic!
Good haiku, Al! I don't know what you're talking about.
Al! I remember this! I loved it then and I love it now!
I think I just came up with a cute idea for this one, but it's a busy week, so we'll see if I can get it written!
I enjoyed it just as much this time as when I first read it, Al. You are too hard on yourself :)
Al, a delightful haiku. Nice of you to mention it Ajay, as it is a pleasure to re-read!
Stage Fright The twitch of hands
Fidgets
Ache in feet
Palms shine
New found sweat
Hot and salty
upper lip
Mouth filled with sand
Eat spiders
They crawl inside
Heart beats
To another dramatized
Song
Throat croaks
Deep like frogs
Stutter long
Speak fast
Eyes cover
Every inch
Starring, watching
Every move
Recording
Judging
Swoon before
The cheers
The claps
The whistles
Roses
Pats on back
Embraces
Throw a kiss
Encore
Thank you, Guy! It is one of my favorites!
Bottleneck @ Breakfast HourDr. Yikes likes her breakfast when it's dressed in white and yellow.
Black freckles are thrown in sometimes but she usually doesn’t
mess around with peppery containers. The gas cylinder is a solid
character in the household yet gaseous at heart. He's always
on the mark to get set and burn. And burn he will, all copper bottoms &
the behinds of non-stick saucepans, slurping 'em with a blue tongue until
Dr. Yikes shuts the lid, leaving the vessels to cool off in the sink.
As dollops of paint dripped onto the Sunday newspaper, a domestic lizard
ran over page.3 before jumping onto the canvas and scuttling across
the oil sketch, leaving behind a trail of paw prints. The shedding of his tail
even managed to elicit bubbles from the Dr.’s pet turtle. The abandoned
tail had landed in the middle of the ashtray, which looked like a dump of
burnt chequered flags. The tail flicked on, maybe to add more drama
to the proceedings. But Dr. Yikes knew all about these caudal circus acts
and braced herself. Fork in hand, her mouth widened to break the fast.
Just then, the cuckoo clock cuckooed the death of the past hour and
the coffee brewer started sweating like a beaver. She’d had enough.
Coffee mug in hand, she retired to the recliner. May be it was hunger
but she thought she saw Gatsby trying to fondle with Daisy’s cheeks.
No maybe it was the morning light toying with the red of the apple.
Her bookshelf looked like an omnibus with no tires. Instead, men and
women doubled up and their heads rolled on rubble. Holden Caulfield might
have been the bus driver and they all stopped on their tracks, on his command.
They all looked at her. She took out her pen, refilled the ink. Time to write.
-Ajay
References:
Gatsby & Daisy-The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Holden Caulfield-The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
Hi, Rikki. I really like the succinct style you chose for Stage Fright. It is very fast paced and builds the tension well. You capture the apprehension and your clever word choice sees it through to a strong conclusion. Having performed in front of crowds before, I think you really nailed the feeling as I've experienced it myself. I like the use of the sand, the frogs and the spiders. Well done!Ajay! Mate, in the short time I've had the privilege of knowing you and the pleasure of reading your poetry, you have developed so much. While I've always loved your brilliant use of imagery and the freshness of your writing, the complexity and layers you're incorporating now add so much more. I really like the tail in the ashtray flicking on to add drama but my favorite line is 'the cuckoo clock cuckooed the death of the past hour'. There is some of my favorite Ajay-imagery yet here as well: 'the morning light toyed with the red of the apple' and 'Her bookshelf looked like an omnibus with no tires'.
Spectacular mate, love it!
Thank you, Ryan! Appreciate your feedback!
Hello, Rikki! I love the form, it's lean and sharp. I know all about stage fright and your poem is spot on with the emotions. Very deftly handled!
Ajay! Yet again, you write another beautiful poem that I can't stop reading!
@26 LoL, Belly. Yes. I've been wanting to find just the right moment to use 'caudel' and Ajay found it first.@25 RotFL!
:) Thank you, Belly and Guy! Appreciate your feedback. I have to thank Kat for giving me this poem! She came up with the topic.
Haha, and I have to thank M for the inspiration for the topic. :D
Belly, I love 'mirror moon'! Like Christa had mentioned earlier, I have no idea how you synthesize so much within three lines. Truly brilliant. This one is too funny!
Wow, Ellis! 'Eyeball on Linoleum' floored me. Beautiful writing, I love the imagery and the poem flows so effortlessly. Perfect. I love this stanza in particular.
Through the windowsill a vapor
diaphanously moves like an old engine
freighter through sleepy Mississippi
channels and it smells like collards.
Ellis, you are correct! This is a perfect fushigi. Although 'cause' is probably overstating it. More appropriate is to say the poem elements were associated with the unexpected appearance of the collards and the spider on the faucet. Fushigis are bascially small synchronicities, which are acausal but have a meaningful or associative connection in time. And Ellis, that you noted this fushigi brings a huge smile to my face! Thank you!
Oh! And the poem is excellent, on top of that. Very strong and clean imagery. So, a double whammy for the vote this week! Nice.
I love how the excellence of the submissions appears to inspire all of us to bring our best iambs forward. Now I will need to write something!
Ajay, I haven't commented here on your excellent submission because I've commented on it in the poetry's critique thread. But Bottleneck sang to me. Wow! Absolutely knocked my socks off.
Rikki, I thought I'd posted a comment to Stage Fright, but it's not here. You captured the movement with a terse elegance that is right on point. Delightful and empathetic effort.
23mayo20131856-2208
pb2
A Thousand Eyes
or How the Pineapple Came to Be: a Philippine Myth Remixed
deleted... submitting somewhere. i hope. haha.
Yay, I remember this story, Jim. Nice remix :)
Ok, so I wrote something for this, but it's not that good and Goodreads won't let me format it the way I need to in order for it to have the right effect...
This might not work for voting purposes, but maybe you could try to upload a picture of it. Just a thought.
maybe, but it's not really worth it. There are several other poems here that are much better! I just kinda liked the idea I had, but I didn't execute it that well...
Oh Kristen, every piece is worth it. If you've put an effort in creating it, don't let others tell you otherwise :)
Kristen, use html to format it. If you are trying to add spaces, use the following code:  (;) but without the parentheses.For example, if I want to indent
this line this far I used 8 of them.
Here I used 15.
30!
When you are writing it, it looks funny, something like this:
 : : : : : : : : 8 nbsp(;) .
 : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : 15 nbsp(;) .
But you will get the format you want.
What A Muse MeantThe overlooked man
oversaw his misfortune
with the muse of grace.
Thanks Guy. I'll keep that in mind for next time.
La Winners:1st: Ajay
2nd: Jim
3rd: Guy, Ellis, and Belly
4th: Al
5th: Rikki
Congratulations, Ajay! And thank you to everyone for posting and voting!
Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group.
Your poem can be any length.
This week’s topic is: A Feeling of Being Watched.
The rules are pretty loose. You can write a poem about anything that has to do with the topic. I do not care, but the poem you post must relate to the topic somehow.
Have fun!