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[Josh]

Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though we refer to this as a "herd" mentality, I think it is not the opinion or attitude of the majority.

And that's what you have to remember.

[Haldis]

Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though we refer to this as a "herd..."

I have a question for the other asexuals in the group. Is it just me or are any of you getting asked an inordinately number of times whether you have been sexually abused? I'm like, Really? Why are you asking me this?

[Varecia]

Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though we refer to th..."

Yes, that's a typical question. I got it all the time when I did not express interest in a sexual relationship fast enough ( or what the other person thought of as “normal“).

[Idamus]

I'm re-reading Gives Light the entire series.

[Josh]

Varecia wrote: "Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though..."

Oh dear.

[Idamus]

Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though we refer to th..."

I think this is a fairly typical comment, sadly, from people who can't grasp that we're not all the same, I hear it towards lesbians too, because clearly, if they don't want to have sex with men someone must have hurt them 'that way'.

[Josephine]

Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though we refer to th..."

@Haldis: Not asexual but still answering the question.

(view spoiler)[I think it's different for people who experienced abuse. I was not sexually abused, but when I was ten, my grandparents died and it was like my uncle went batshit crazy, wreaking great havoc within the family.

I endured the domestic violence with the rest of the family (three cousins all younger than me, aunt, my elder sister) for three years before deciding to leave the house. I went to live with my father and my stepmom only to er, experience an entirely different abuse (emotional).

When I went to college, my best friend would often complain how she couldn't tell when I'm happy, or sad, or angry. I didn't know how to freak out, it was like I had no emotions. One of our terror professors told me I was stonehearted. I should have known then, that something was wrong with me. Students faint (or cry) in that class for crying out loud and the professor called me stonehearted? Lol.

Anyway, a friend went to Japan as an exchanged student and when she came back a year later, in her excitement she hugged me. I may or may not have stood there rooted to the spot wondering what to do. Lol.

When a male friend hugged me and kissed me on the cheek I felt the same. I just stood there stiffly. No one notices because well, my reactions and my facial expression were always the same.

Through time, I learned how to smile. I opened up to people. Nowadays, when people ask for a hug (my niece whenever she's upset for instance) I still feel awkward about it. But, I give it. I receive it. I'm no longer ten, but I still need all the love that I can get. :) (hide spoiler)]

[Anne]

Josephine wrote: "Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though..."

What a brave and touching post, Josephine. Thank you for sharing this.

[Josephine]

Anne wrote: "What a brave and touching post, Josephine. Thank you for sharing this."

@Anne, thanks for reading. :) I guess, during that part of my life, any form of touch was unwelcome. In fact, I didn't want any friends. I believed people in my life either die or go batshit crazy so why bother forming attachments.

It was hard to come out of that protective shell I had built around me. Sometimes I could still feel it around me.

When I was in college I wanted to be left alone, but my friends kept on asking me out. They just would not leave me alone. I woke up one day they were already a part of my life.

[Anne]

Josephine wrote: "Anne wrote: "What a brave and touching post, Josephine. Thank you for sharing this."

@Anne, thanks for reading. :) I guess, during that part of my life, any form of touch was unwelcome. In fact, I..."

I guess that shows how important good friends are. I'm always grateful for mine :)

[Josephine]

Anne wrote: "Josephine wrote: "Anne wrote: "What a brave and touching post, Josephine. Thank you for sharing this."

@Anne, thanks for reading. :) I guess, during that part of my life, any form of touch was unw..."

Me, too. So happy I didn't put up much of a fight. How could I. They'd go through the trouble of walking to my dorm just to ask me for dinner. Or lunch. I couldn't turn them down, not with those expectant eyes. Lol. I'd feel guilty so I'd say yes.

Looking back, I guess it's safe to say guilt was the only emotion I had then. I felt guilty--at times I still do--that I left my younger cousins. At least guilt worked on my favor this one time.

[Lori S.]

Haldis wrote: "I have a question for the other asexuals in the group. Is it just me or are any of you getting asked an inordinately number of times whether you have been sexually abused? I'm like, Really? Why are you asking me this?"

I've never been asked this question. Admittedly, most of the people who do know I'm ace are all over the map of orientations and know better than to ask such questions I think.

I do think it's a very inappropriate question to ask.

[Haldis]

Josephine wrote: "Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though..."

Very brave to share this, Josephine!
I had a very normal childhood, but as an adult I do not like being touched or hugged and don't know what to do when someone tries. My mom is wonderful, though, every time we say goodbye, she says, "Don't worry dear, I won't hug you. Love you much." And she is such a touchy feely person. Everyone goes to her when they need a hug.

[Haldis]

Idamus wrote: "I'm re-reading Gives Light the entire series."

I take it that since you are rereading, it's good? I think I will try it. It's on Kindle Unlimited.

[Jordan]

Knowing how many pills are out there to treat "erectile dysfunction", I can see where a "lack of interest" might seem like a physical and solvable problem to many sexual people.

But my experience has been very different from most in that because I'm an introvert, I tend to be a loner with my nose in a book or with friends who are somewhat similar, and very open minded. That being said, I've also not really talked about being ace to many people, so I've not gotten any unwanted comments. Yet.

One of my friends has come out to me as ace, another said she suspects she might be, and I'm wondering about a few others. We talk about a lot of things, but not sex, and not relationships much either. *shrugs*

I'm not sure what would happen if I tried to have a serious conversation about being Ace with my parents. I told them I was gender neutral and they accepted it quickly without much fanfare at all, but two years later it seems as if we never had that conversation. *shrugs*

[Jordan]

I'm ok with hugs from very good friends. I'm not ok with hugs from family, but I put up with them because, you know, it's family, and I bet my grandfather would start asking rude questions of my mom if I turned down a hug. Rude, in a well-meaning way, of course. He was very upset when I was really little and refused to wear a dress for the family reunion photos as he wanted all girls in dresses and boys in suits. Thankfully, my parents were ok with me wearing my flowered dress pants, which were the only dress pants I owned at the time. He's also told me to be very careful when putting gay books in the library, as his way of disapproving of this. He's in his 90's now, so I'm not planning on trying to teach him new ways of thinking. He's pretty set in his ways.

[Susinok]

I'm not ace, but I'm not a hugger either. My family was not very tactile, and I just never got used to it. I reserve my hugs for family, I guess.

Casual hugging is more prevalent these days, and I've been known to step back from it, hehe.

[Karen]

I'm so much a hugger. My whole immediate and extended family are huggers. I grew up that way. And since Argentine Tango is pretty much danced socially (in contrast to performance) in one big hug, I'm lucky to have had a predisposition to hugging. Oh, and the dancers also hug when meeting, greeting, and saying good-bye. : )

[Anne]

Karen wrote: "I'm so much a hugger. My whole immediate and extended family are huggers. I grew up that way. And since Argentine Tango is pretty much danced socially (in contrast to performance) in one big hug, I..."

I'm a hugger, too, and as you, grew up that way. I have learned that not everybody is as comfortable with touching as I am, so try to be sensitive about it. Unwanted physical attention is never ok.

[Karen]

Anne wrote: "…I have learned that not everybody is as comfortable with touching as I am, so try to be sensitive about it. Unwanted physical attention is never ok."

Yes, that's a given. Sometimes I have to catch myself, since my impulse is to hug. And as a teacher, I need to deflect student-initiated hugs to the side.

[Marge]

Jordan wrote: "Haldis, I just finished Ace. The ending helps everything make sense, I think. Including the safeword ;-) lol.

I didn't see that particular review, but if I had I'd probably be joining you in your..."

Jordan, I am really glad both you and Haldis liked Ace, and you felt he got most things "right." (I have to admit the touch of kink seemed a bit strange to me as well, but as you say, "Oh those wacky Australians!" LOL)

I've enjoyed Jack's Bushrangers series which begins with a novella, The Billabong. They are historicals with a bit of mystery and paranormal.

[Varecia]

Karen wrote: "I'm so much a hugger. My whole immediate and extended family are huggers. I grew up that way. And since Argentine Tango is pretty much danced socially (in contrast to performance) in one big hug, I..."


I don't like people I scarcely know invading my private space for a casual hug. I guarded that space very much while growing up. And I am very tall, so there are not so many friends who can really enfold me in a warm and comfortable hug, but I cherish those.
Being around dancers in my 20s helped me abondon my idea of myself as a walking brain and getting a feeling for the whole package of brain, body and soul, so to say.

[Anne]

Life intrudes, so I haven't been able to read as much as I usually do lately. Is it strange of me to miss it? My ex always told me that reading was not living, while my take on it is reading is living several lives at once :)


But anyway, it hasn't been a complete drought of course. Lately I have been working my way through Charmed and Dangerous: Ten Tales of Gay Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy but took a break to read Murder in Pastel. Before that I finished Love Story, With Murders which I really recommend if you wish for a completely different kind of heroine.

Yesterday I started Corpse Pose which seems like a promising start on a new (new for me, that is) series.

And also I am listening to The Blazing World which is long, very learned (sometimes too much so) but with beautiful, poignant parts as well. Siri Hustvedt is one of those writers who demand a lot of her readers, but if you persevere, she rewards you for it. :)

All in all, some very satisfying reads I find.

[Varecia]

Anne wrote: "Life intrudes, so I haven't been able to read as much as I usually do lately. Is it strange of me to miss it? My ex always told me that reading was not living, while my take on it is reading is liv..."

I would back you against your ex in this take on reading any time, Anne!

Like you and maybe everybody else in this group I read Charmed and Dangerous and now I savour Murder in Pastel, trying to pace myself.

But instead of Siri Hustvedt I'm reading Lydia Davis, which is funny given the fact they are kind of connected through Auster. :-)

[Sabine]

Anne wrote: "Life intrudes, so I haven't been able to read as much as I usually do lately. Is it strange of me to miss it? My ex always told me that reading was not living, while my take on it is reading is liv..."

I have read the whole A Mantra for Murder Mystery series and I love them. Corpse Pose is available as an audiobook, too. And it is very, very good.
The A Poetic Death Mystery series is quite good too. And for all four is a audiobook available, which I can wholeheartedly recommend.

[Anne]

Varecia wrote: "Anne wrote: "Life intrudes, so I haven't been able to read as much as I usually do lately. Is it strange of me to miss it? My ex always told me that reading was not living, while my take on it is r..."

I haven't tried Lydia Davis, perhaps I should check her out.

[Anne]

Sabine wrote: "Anne wrote: "Life intrudes, so I haven't been able to read as much as I usually do lately. Is it strange of me to miss it? My ex always told me that reading was not living, while my take on it is r..."

I will check those out, Sabine. I love finding new stories to read!

[Ije the Devourer of Books]

I am reading Posted to Death and How to Repair a Mechanical Heart I meant to participate in the BOM but when I finish it then I will check out the discussion and see what other people thought about it.

I agree with you Anne reading is living and especially now that we can discuss books with other people on line and meet them and become friends.

[Anne]

Ije the Devourer of Books wrote: "I am reading Posted to Death and How to Repair a Mechanical Heart I meant to participate in the BOM but when I finish it then I will check out the discussion and see..."

Reading expands my life in all directions I think. I learn new things about people and places (and consequently, myself), I widen my horizon which is always a good thing, and these days it lets me find friends from other parts of the world and walks of life. It is all good :)

[Ije the Devourer of Books]

I always like the sense of journey I get from reading. Journeying to other places, times, people, experiences etc. I cannot imagine a life without reading. A former lecturer used to describe books as our 'conversation partners' and I like that.

[Jordan]

Books are my escape from this world!

I've given up on two books this morning. I'm a bit sad, but they just weren't for me. I tried to get back into The Highly Sensitive Person, but I couldn't. The 2nd person POV drove me nuts as did her insistence in analyzing me as a baby. I don't care about me as a baby. I care about me now, as an adult. And some of the studies she talks about went over my head.

The other book I was reading was for the Trandgender Fiction group BOM. It was Transitions of the Heart, a book about the stories of mothers with trans kids. 32 very short stories with no emotional impact to me. Well, I stopped halfway through. I was also concerned that it was only mothers and no stories from fathers. Don't they have something to say?

Anyway, I found the book Far FromThe Tree: Parents, Children and the Search For Identity by Andrew Solomon a much better read that nearly made me cry and made me read about very young children with awe. It's a large book at 972 pages, but the nice thing about it is that you only have to read the chapters that interest you because each one focuses on a different way children can be different from their parents. So there's one chapter dedicated to trans youth. That one chapter put Transitions of the Heart to shame, I though.

So, that said, I'm going to be starting Quiet soon, and will try Coffee Cake too. I'm also hoping to read Mnevermind 2 before Seattle! :-)

[Mtsnow13]

Josephine wrote: "Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected.

But even though..."

Wow. Josephine. You explain me almost exactly! Except mine was the other kind. It's so good to know I'm not the only one that has this demeanor. I envy others that can hug so freely, and have to force myself to reciprocate. I think that's why the Marines worked okay for me...

[Haldis]

Marge wrote: "Jordan wrote: "Haldis, I just finished Ace. The ending helps everything make sense, I think. Including the safeword ;-) lol.

I didn't see that particular review, but if I had I'd probably be join..."

Thanks Marge, I was definitely thinking about giving his other books a try.

[Susinok]

I am reading Murder in Pastel. I'm 56% through it now. I love the community. I want to live there with slightly less nosy neighbors.

[Jordan]

Just found out that JCP is only bringing Meatworks and the new anthology in print to Seattle. I had been hoping to get Mnevermind 3, but no such luck. I can buy it off Amazon and bring it with me for signing, of course. That was the recommendation I got from Jordan. Not sure if I will though.

I'm struggling with what books I own MUST be signed and how much I'm comfortable lugging around the library and to the nightclub afterward. All because my hotel isn't close enough to pop over and dump stuff or pick things up as needed. :-( I want ALL the books signed! Lol.

[Mtsnow13]

I recall she had only brought 1 or 2 books last year also. I also have some books I want to get signed but the whole lugging them around issue isn't helpful.

I recall there were quite a few free paperbacks offered and some authors did a talk the night before at the bookstore.

I am bringing a backpack and maybe an extra bag inside that if needed as there will be a lot of walking..

Maybe you can get labels for them to sign, then take them back to put in the books?

[Mtsnow13]

I just realized I had bought Meatworks last year when she talked at the bookstore.. anyway, the 3" label idea is sounding best for me

[Johanna]

Anne wrote: "Yesterday I started Corpse Pose which seems like a promising start on a new (new for me, that is) series."

Try also Corpse Pose audio book -- it's a good one! I'm (im)patiently waiting for rest of the series to be released in audio.

I think you'd also like the Poetic Death series. First book is High Rhymes and Misdemeanors. You can find those in audio as well. :-) In fact, I can't wait to discuss this series with you guys! :-)

[Johanna]

Sabine wrote: "Anne wrote: "Life intrudes, so I haven't been able to read as much as I usually do lately. Is it strange of me to miss it? My ex always told me that reading was not living, while my take on it is r..."

Aaaaaand I see Sabine already recommended these to you, Anne.

A double recommendation -- wow. :-D

[Antonella]

Mtsnow13 wrote: "Maybe you can get labels for them to sign, then take them back to put in the books?"

That's a wonderful idea, thank you! I'll do it at the next convention I go to. I really didn't buy any book at The UK meet because I wanted to keep my rucksack only heavy, not very heavy.

[Jordan]

Yes, the idea of labels did cross my mind. I might do that, though I'm still not sure. Lol.

[Judy]

Barbra wrote: "Judy wrote: "Started reading an anthology called WISHING ON A BLUE STAR (I'm all over the place this week, unable to settle). This anthology was pulled together to celebrate the life of Patric Mich..."

WISHING ON A BLUE STAR is a collection of Patric Michael blogs about his battle with cancer and stories from fellow authors celebrating life. I'm enjoying this anthology, and the price is right!
If anyone is interested, it's free on ARe https://www.allromanceebooks.com/prod...

[Judy]

Sammie wrote: "started reading The Martian by Andy Weir. I am actually using the Audible version with occasional forays to the written copy. I got dragged into this so fast and easily, partly because the narrat..."

I 'read' The Martian audiobook, too. I was pushed for time, and could multitask 11+ hours of listening pleasure. I loved this book and the movie comes out early October 2015! Yay.

[Idamus]

Sammie wrote: "started reading The Martian by Andy Weir. I am actually using the Audible version with occasional forays to the written copy. I got dragged into this so fast and easily, partly because the narrat..."

I hated The Martian, it was sooo boring and full of WTFs, I 'read' the Audible version

[Josephine]

Mtsnow13 wrote: "Josephine wrote: "Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem..."

Hmm. Well, I think some people are threatened by others not doing the expected..."

@Haldis and Mtsnow13: (view spoiler)[Thanks for reading my long post. I think my reaction stemmed from a huge distrust plus, the grandparents who raised me weren't touchy feely to begin with.

Nowadays that has changed. If I was caught unawares then I'd return it without second thought. Maybe I don't even notice anymore until after later. But when asked explicitly for a hug, I start to get all awkward. Lol. Go figure. (hide spoiler)]

currently reading: Not MM but I'm reading Lacey Dearie's Cherry Lips

[Haldis]

tapping my foot, waiting impatiently for Dangerous Spirits to show up on my kindle. Finished Murder in Pastel last night and I can't start a new book....
back to tapping, impatiently waiting...

[Mtsnow13]

Haldis wrote: "tapping my foot, waiting impatiently for Dangerous Spirits to show up on my kindle. Finished Murder in Pastel last night and I can't start a new book....
back to tapping, impatientl..."

Still reading MIP, but yes, looking forward to that instant download on kindle too!

[Josh]

You two are why writers live in a constant state of anxiety. :-D

[Haldis]

Josh wrote: "You two are why writers live in a constant state of anxiety. :-D"

WRITE FASTER....uh, I mean you poor dear. Have a cuppa.

[Haldis]

It's arrived! I'm gonna go read now. Toodles