Q&A with Josh Lanyon discussion
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What Are you Reading?
Idamus wrote: "Ame wrote: "I finished quite an interesting story by Ann Gallagher Lead Me Not. I'm atheist so stories that have to do with religion never have much appeal to me but I do like her a...":)
That was my take at first. I so did not want to read a religious book but curiosity won me over. And I admit sometime I felt the main characters were way too religious. At the same time is was an interesting story and an interesting angle you don't get to see often in MM romance. So I recommend it despite the faith thing.
Ame wrote: "Idamus wrote: "Ame wrote: "I finished quite an interesting story by Ann Gallagher Lead Me Not. I'm atheist so stories that have to do with religion never have much appeal to me but ..."I grew up with two strickt religions, both sets of grandparents, I have......issues with religion.
Both religions make the catholic faith look positively openminded.
Ugh. I see. Then this story could definitely trigger things. Because the religious family sounds like Westboro Church and other churches like that were the "inspiration" to it. But, it also had good things though. They do show other religious people in a nice way and show that such religious fundamentalism isn't the norm.
Ame wrote: "I finished quite an interesting story by Ann Gallagher Lead Me Not. I'm atheist so stories that have to do with religion never have much appeal to me but I do like her as a writer (..."Glad to hear you like it. I like L.A.'s writing quite a bit, but haven't gotten this one yet.
I was raised non-religious, but my work colleagues are. Some of them are strict adherent to the Bible beliefs, strict interpretation even to the point that they don't believe in evolution. It's that extreme. Yes, sometimes I have to leave the room during casual conversion before my head explodes, or I hurt somebody.
But all of that aside, below that they are basically descent people. Not fundamental fire-breathers. Just deeply religious.
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I don't know.
I am kind of anti-label to start with. But what is even weirder than labels is someone trying to define the label of someone else--especially if they are not the thing the other person claims to be.
If that makes sense?
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I haven't finished it yet, but the book The Invisible Orientation does a fantastic job explaining what all the labels mean. I think the asexual spectrum is great because there are built in grey areas for those who don't fall into one extreme camp or the other. And most Aces I've known online or in person acknowledge that the ace spectrum is very wide and encompasses a lot of variety. But some people surprise me.
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Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (that's how it's been explained to me, right?). Being gay, bi, pa..."asaxual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction to either sex.
Ame wrote: "I finished quite an interesting story by Ann Gallagher Lead Me Not. I'm atheist so stories that have to do with religion never have much appeal to me but I do like her as a writer (..."I have that book in my to read pile so I am glad you enjoyed it. LA Witt uses different pen names to distinguish the different kinds of genre. She explains it here http://www.gallagherwitt.com She is such a prolific writer so I suppose it makes sense for her to distinguish the different genres in this way.
I think LA Witt is one author who writes about religious faith with authenticity. Her portrayal of religious faith is refreshing and very interesting. Often in mm stories religious people are portrayed as homophobic or crazy, and of course those people exist but what about LGBT people of faith? I have so many friends who are LGBT and who are very strong Christians and active in churches or even run churches and Christian fellowships. I work alongside priests who are lesbian, gay and trans and we have quite a few organisations in the UK that are from other faiths working for inclusion eg (Inclusive Mosques).
So I do like reading books that reflect sexual diversity amongst people of faith and Witt/Gallagher does it really well.
Josh wrote: "Kirsten wrote: "Ame wrote: "Also, maybe it were the words that bothered me the most. The "eeeww, straight sex" thing. I mean you have have a preference on what you like to read. That doesn't mean t..."Well, I guess I see warnings and reviews a little differently from each other. Maybe I phrased that poorly. I don't think het sex needs a warning, per se, but a heads up so I know what I'm about to invest a few hours of my time in is another story. And I don't mind het sex/relationships if it's a passing thing or side characters, but if I'm expecting a m/m book and there's a graphic m/f sex scene in it with main characters, then it's not the book I was expecting to read. But then again I thought there was a bit too much m/m sex in a few of the books I've read recently as well, so I may be an anomaly.
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What interesting about this concept is...does the asexual person still feel/appreciate/respond aesthetically to a beautiful human body (of either sex)?
Sexual drive is such a weird and delicate mechanism anyway. What you experience is so much about hormones and biology, and it changes so much throughout your life.
So I can fully understand how people are puzzled and confused and perhaps inadvertently insulting in their lack of comprehension.
Josh wrote: "ED wrote: "Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (that's how it's been explained to me, rig..."It's endlessly fascinating I think, and so much more varied and diverse than I knew or thought about in my younger days.
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Well, yes. I think you're right about reviews and warnings being different.
I do get what you're saying. I also totally understand why readers get upset by spoilers, although I'm not particularly sensitive myself (and have been known to peek at endings when the tension of a story got to me). ;-D
Josh wrote: "ED wrote: "Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (that's how it's been explained to me, rig..."To answer the question about aesthetically appreciating the human body. My answer:yes. I love artistically done nude photographs, especially black and white with shadows and highlights. I don't feel anything sexual. If the picture is trying to convey sex,I don't usually like those. Romance, however, is a different story.
Does that answer the question?
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Sort of. But sort of not. I'm a sexual being, but I don't experience art in a sexual way. Meaning, I don't tend to have a sexual response to erotic art or nudes. I'm wondering if it's more about the way I experience art or my age or...anyway. Who knows.
Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "ED wrote: "Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (that's how it..."Ok. How about this. I am completely drawn to, attracted by androgynous individuals. I don't feel any sexual attraction, I really don't know what it is...aesthetics?
I find them beautiful.
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Well that's it. That's what I find fascinating and mysterious. Attraction. What it actually means. Because I don't think it's all that simple a thing. It's not necessarily a sexual response although that seems to be the default attribution?
Josh wrote: "ED wrote: "Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (that's how it's been explained to me, rig..."Yes, but I'm still not understanding this as I should be I think. I've met an asexual person. She had no interest in sexual relationship but she did want an emotional one. She wanted to love someone and be loved back. She labelled herself as pansexual though.
This is so complex though!
Can't we just love who we want, as long as it's consensual adult/adults and leave it at that? We don't really need to know sex preference or non preference. I totally agree with those wanting no labels at all. We are so hung up on categorising everything.
Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "Haldis wrote: "Josh wrote: "ED wrote: "Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (..."Hm, for a moment I wondered if this was me ;)
Ame wrote: "Josh wrote: "ED wrote: "Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (that's how it's been explain..."I agree with you in principle, love is love, labels are unnessecary and confusing. But then I hear about young, confused people who finally gets an epiphany when hearing or reading about other gay, or asexual or bi people, and find recognition. So, this is why I feel what I feel. In that aspect, labels might be useful. Of course, if nobody put different values on different labels, thet wouldn't matter much anyway. Which is the way it should be. We aren't there yet, though.
Ame wrote: "Josh wrote: "ED wrote: "Ame wrote: "How can asexual person not be gay? Being asexual in short means you want to have emotional relationship with someone but not sexual (that's how it's been explain..."The one good thing about labels is that they can show you that you are not alone. I really wish asexuality had been established three decades ago, because than I might have started adult live without the feeling of being the only weird one for miles around...
Judy wrote: "Thanks for sharing. Haven't read The Alpha and His Ace, but it's on the teetering TBR pile. Only three reviews for My Alpha and His Cake and they were all over the map. The only verified purchase review weighed in at one star. The person was disappointed in the sexual intimacy. I'm going with your recommendation and buying this puppy!"The big problem I had with the sexual intimacy in this story was that it wasn't romantic in any way. It was just two people getting it on and doing the deed. Even though I am an aro-ace, I like it when there's build up to the goal, even if I do skim a lot of it (some is OK), because I like the magic of characters coming together. Unfortunately, Aiden and Brandon don't really talk together about what's happening or when, they just sort of do it by default.
Here's my review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
As for the reviewer of Ace who claims that there's no such thing as a gay asexual - she really needs to visit this thread on AVEN. They do, indeed, exist.
Oh yes, Varecia! I just found out last year that there is such a thing a being asexual, and it was a liberating moment. I finally fit in somewhere. There wasn't anything wrong with me. It was ok. I was ok. I would gladly wear that label.Of course there were years and years before this that I thought I broken or not wired correctly....
Anyway, it's good now.
Josh wrote: "What interesting about this concept is...does the asexual person still feel/appreciate/respond aesthetically to a beautiful human body (of either sex)?"It really depends on the person and how they feel about other people's bodies. I personally prefer a fully clothed person in a picture to someone who is half naked. There's nothing appealing in half dressed or naked people for me, but if a person is dressed in an interesting way (layers! lots of layers!), I'm more apt to stop and look. I sorta like it when authors have their male characters dress in tuxes being admired by their partners for looking so good.
Jordan wrote: "I'm halfway through Ace and loving it! I've got a few minor quibbles, but over all, I wish I didn't have to put it down to live my mundane life. lol."Ok, you convinced me. Just downloaded. I need something to get me through til Dangerous Spirits comes out.:-)
Haldis wrote: "Oh yes, Varecia! I just found out last year that there is such a thing a being asexual, and it was a liberating moment. I finally fit in somewhere. There wasn't anything wrong with me. It was ok. I..."Good to hear this, Haldis! I felt this revelation too, same way you described it. It was definitely one of the best moments of my life.
Finished :-) Charmed and Dangerous: Ten Tales of Gay Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy
Overall rating 4 stars.
Favourites were JCP, Lou Harper and Astrid Amara.
Idamus wrote: "Finished :-) Charmed and Dangerous: Ten Tales of Gay Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy
Overall rating 4 stars.
Favourites were JCP, Lou Harper and Astrid Amara."
You crossed the finish line and left me in the dust. :D
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When I first met one of my best gay friends about ten years ago, we would be out and about, usually driving, and he'd make make a sorta sexy "ooohhh". Of course I wanted to know what he was looking at. He'd point out a guy at the crosswalk. Instinctively, I responded with a positive or negative comment, maybe "hmmmm, not so much" or a similar "ooohhh", without having to ask what he was referring to. It was funny because he didn't say anything more than that and point and I knew what was going on and so it became a thing we do. I could tell who looked good or who wasn't aesthetically pleasing to me. Because my friend never made sexual comments about them, it took me figuring out I was ace to then figure out he was thinking "I'd have sex with that guy if I could" and I was only looking at whether they were aesthetically pleasing to me. I had assumed we were both not thinking about sex, just looks. Lol.
I think only once, very recently, did he make a sexual comment about another guy. Of course, he's been with his husband for fifteen years now, and married for the last two, which tempered his comments, I think.
Without getting too tmi, Basically, the idea of someone getting close enough to touch me "down there" squicks me out. But I do want someone who could hold me when I need it, touching me in other, non-sexual ways, like massages. I do really want to be touched, just not sexually. And whoever that person is would have to be someone I trusted very much. Touching/hugging between friends is different and ok. :-)
This doesn't explain everything about my ace-ness, but hopefully it helps asexuality, as a general term, make more sense? If not, I welcome all questions from anyone.
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Jordan wrote: "Haldis, let us know what you think. Here are my thoughts about Ace at the moment: [spoilers removed]"I will. I'm on chapter 3, so I didn't read your spoiler.
Judy wrote: "Idamus wrote: "Finished :-) Charmed and Dangerous: Ten Tales of Gay Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy
Overall rating 4 stars.
Favourites were JCP, Lou Harper and Astrid Amara."..."
I had a day with nothing to do but read, so I did, read that is :-)
I managed to finish a book here at the UK Meet :) I read How to Greet Strangers: A Mystery by Joyce Thompson I think it made the LAMDA nominees for gay mysteries a couple of years ago. It is an unusual murder mystery because it involves Santeria which is an Afro-Carribean religion which grew out of the slave trade in Cuba. The main character is a black gay man called Archer Barron who is living with HIV and he is drawn into solving a murder when the priestess of his former Santeria community is murdered. I enjoyed the story but I felt that some parts of it focused on explaining the Santeria practices instead of emphasising the mystery. I suppose it must be a difficult line to draw when dealing with subject matter that isn't familiar to the majority of people. I really liked Archer Barron and the other characters in the book though.
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When I first met one of my best gay friends about ten years ago, we would be out and about, usually driving, and he'd make make a sorta se..."
I think that desire for touch is very human, universal maybe. Certainly in western society where we do not get much touch except as children and from romantic partners.
When you consider how vital it is to hold babies, children--what it does to them if they are *not* held, not handled with love and affection and tenderness.
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I believe I read that. I may have been judging that year. Yes, it was an interesting perspective.
Started reading an anthology called WISHING ON A BLUE STAR (I'm all over the place this week, unable to settle). This anthology was pulled together to celebrate the life of Patric Michael who died 2010. He seemed like an amazing man, but a Google search was unsuccessful. Think he was a DSP author. Does anyone know him or what he wrote? Links?
Jordan wrote: "Haldis, let us know what you think. Here are my thoughts about Ace at the moment: [spoilers removed]"Ok, read the spoiler. Damien did stop when he felt Jake tense. He didn't like it, and he didn't understand it, but he stopped.
As for the safe word at that point and time, seemed a little strange. Those crazy Australians.
I'm finished but forgot how to do spoiler tags, so we can discuss later.
Also feeling a bit angry at the moment: read one of the reviews that basically said how could Jake be an intelligent person and not realize he was asexual. Why didn't he look it up? I wanted to reach through the computer and (I don't swear, so you will have to use your imagination).
All these years and all I needed to do was look it up!
Ok, I'm done ranting.
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I didn't see that particular review, but if I had I'd probably be joining you in your evil activities. That's something you really can't "just look up".
I posted a review and made sure to recommend my new favorite nonfiction book. :-)
I'd like to check out the other books Jack's written someday too. I liked his writing here and the others seemed like something I would like. No Ace characters, but that's ok.
Jordan wrote: "Haldis, I just finished Ace. The ending helps everything make sense, I think. Including the safeword ;-) lol. I didn't see that particular review, but if I had I'd probably be joining you in your..."
Same thoughts here. I liked his writing, and I'm glad he did it from Jake's POV. I could definitely relate to a lot of what was going on in his head, especially since I am in a relationship with a sexual person. Gotta compromise. (I'm not into bondage, however)(sorry, had to add that) And I will have to get The Invisible Orientation as well.
Now I will start reading Murder in Pastel
I read a short and sweet fanfic recently with an asexual homoromantic character. I'm not asexual but it seemed pretty well done to me. I don't think you need to be familiar with the fandom to enjoy it - pm me if anyone is interested. I'd love to know what you think. It's only about 5000 words. The author also has a genderfluid character in a story I'm planning to read soon. :)
Valerie wrote: "I read a short and sweet fanfic recently with an asexual homoromantic character. I'm not asexual but it seemed pretty well done to me. I don't think you need to be familiar with the fandom to enjoy..."Just sent a message and a friend request. :-)
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Ok, read the spoiler. Damien did stop when he felt Jake tense. ..."
For some people sexual identity is a very straightforward thing. And society encourages this notion. But I think for most of us it is a bit more complex. One size does not fit all.
Do you get into arguments in these review comments?
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I usually don't worry about other people's reviews because they are just that person's opinion, but this person obviously had no clue about how very recently asexuality has even been recognized, how can a person look up something they don't even knows exists, when everyone else around you is talking about sex, and if you say you're not interested they think you're lying, like there has to be a reason you can't get laid.It's kinda funny, I didn't think there would be any problems in coming out as asexual because I'm not doing anything. But apparently "not doing anything" is a big problem....not entirely true cuz I am in a relationship and I am doing something, but it involves a lot of compromise.
Dang! I usually don't let people push my buttons! Even keel.
Done ranting (again) thanks so much for listening.
Have started Murder in Pastel. This will be a lazy Sunday with reading as main occupation. Yes, and voting, we are voting on the Municipal council today. I'm going to do my part to change it from a conservative to a Labour(The Norwegian equivalent) leadership. :)
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Q&A with Josh Lanyon
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You just made me decide not to get this, thanks.