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Romance
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ChoiceSonia Gupta, a fair, slim, tall young lady in her late twenties, worked as an IT project leader at a large multinational in Dubai. She was married, to Jeet Gupta, her ex-colleague, while they worked in Mumbai. Common interests and ambitions had drawn them together; they had relocated to Dubai four years back when Jeet was offered a good position. Sonia was initially unhappy to let go of her cozy life in Mumbai and follow Jeet to Dubai. But the glamour of Dubai lured her; she didn’t have much choice anyway.
One bright sunny Wednesday afternoon, Sonia, dressed in an impeccable black suit, wearing perfect soft makeup highlighting her bright black eyes, her long black hair tied back into a neat high pigtail, was laying still on the bed, in the large bedroom of her fortieth floor apartment, with the view of Burj Khalifa, the tallest tower in the world, staring blankly at the white ceiling. Her heart was thumping; her mind was racing back and forth from despair to elation, unable to settle on any one.
This was not the afternoon she had planned for herself, especially when the annual review meet was underway at office. Being the IT project leader, her dream job, she should have been at office, taking care of the delegates who had come in from across US and Europe.
The morning had started off well, her presentation was well received – she could see the appreciative glances from many members, especially her super boss, who mattered most. As she stood in front of a room full of high level officials, outlining her team’s achievements over the last year, her initial nervousness had turned into purposeful confidence. She felt the power of success and victory rising from the pit of her stomach and flowing into her words. Her four years of hard work was beginning to see daylight, she was living her dream, she thought. After her presentation she walked back to her seat, head held high, smiling at everyone whose eyes met hers. But as she neared her seat, she suddenly felt faint; she would have fallen down, if her manager Ahmed Nasser had not grabbed her arm just in time.
“Are you okay?” he whispered edgily.
“Am fine, just tired after the frenzied last week I guess”
Sonia whispered back, settling slowly into her chair, still feeling quite faint. She had been preparing for this meeting since two weeks now, working more than twelve to fifteen hours a day. She was dead tired; actually she was looking forward to taking couple of days off after the meetings, to recuperate. She didn’t feel any better until lunch time and decided to quickly see the doctor, in the hospital close to the office.
Sonia didn’t want to take any chances of falling sick; the next day was very crucial day for her, she was going to make a pitch for two new projects she had been planning for, she had to get approval and funding. It would be a big raison d'être for her next promotion. She waited impatiently for her turn at the hospital and was finally ushered to the doctor, a serious looking, well built man probably in his fifties. She explained her problem hurriedly; he asked her to lie down and did the regular checks, in slow motion Sonia thought, getting increasingly irritated with his slothfulness. When he finally finished, he summoned the nurse, a smiling chubby young girl, and asked her to take Sonia for a blood and urine test. Sonia’s first reaction was to just walk out; she didn’t have the time to play victim to their medical insurance ploys, she condemned an exaggerated checkup for her slight case of weakness.
Sensing her uncertainty,
“It will hardly take few minutes, ma’am” the nurse assured.
Sonia was asked to see the doctor again after the tests, this time he was smiling lightly.
“There may be good news for you; I suspect you may be pregnant. But I can confirm only after the report comes in two days.”
Sonia was shell shocked; she stared blankly at the doctor, her face turned crimson, her cheeks flushed, she could feel the heat on her face, hot air blew out of her ears, words failed her, but the doctor was not expecting any response, he was fast typing into his computer. She slowly walked out, finished with the payment; almost mechanically she walked out of the hospital, once outside the building she stood there, unable to move. The skyscraper towered behind her, the bright afternoon Dubai sun was burning down on her but she didn’t notice, a lady fully covered in a black abaya was rushing into the hospital with a small crying baby in the pram, Sonia stared after them.
A phone ring was heard, Sonia realised it was her’s. It was Jeet, but she was in no mood to talk. She sent a text to her manager Ahmed Nasser took a cab and headed straight home.
Still laying on the big soft bed, the soft white satin sheets caressing her skin but she didn’t feel its softness, all she could hear was the doctor’s words, “You may be pregnant”, it echoed in her ear. She and Jeet had discussed kids during the first year of their marriage; they had agreed to have kids only when both of them were ready - professionally, mentally and financially. When did it happen? How? Sonia tried to recollect, clearing her confusion. She remembered the passionate night after their friend Sanjay’s, birthday party, both Jeet and she had drunk into the wee hours after midnight and……Sonia blushed.
Like as though a sudden realization struck her, she sat upright at once thinking,
It’s my life; I have to make up my mind.
She thought about her job first - how close she was to realising her career dreams, the reward for all the hard work she had put in through school, college and university. The power, the position, the fat pay cheque in her bank, the freedom of spending, the confidence, the dignity, the sense of purposefulness that came from earning her own living. Her chest widened with pride – yes this is what she wanted in life.
No, am not ready for the baby right now, I still have a long way to achieve my goals, at least I have to get my next promotion to secure my place in the company. All my hard work will go down the drain if I get out of the race now. No, the prize is too heavy to pay.
She told herself firmly
Next she tought of the baby, the image of a tiny baby in her arms flashed in her mind. She felt a rush of emotion filling her heart with warmth, her eyes softened; her lips broke into a gentle smile
Oh my God! Could it be true, I am going to be a mother.
She felt a mixture of ecstasy, pride and panic.
Why did it have to be now? What am I going to do?
She moaned helplessly, tears filling her eyes.
She picked up the phone to call her mom, Neela Ahuja. Sonia’s parents, Neela and Veerendra Ahuja, lived in Mumbai; both of them were university professors. Life had become relatively empty after their two daughters Sonia, the elder and Seema, moved on after marriage, to Dubai and US respectively. Neela had retired from teaching a year ago; Veerendra Ahuja still continued to give guest lectures.
“Sonia, is it you? How are you, darling? Is everything okay?
It was unusual of Sonia to call at this hour of a working day, Neela got worried.
“Eh…Eh….Ma, I may be pregnant,”
“Oh! That’s great! When did you find out? Did you see the doctor? Oh! I am so happy.”
Sonia did not bother to answer any of her mom’s questions.
“Ma, I can’t have this baby. I am going to lead two new projects. I can’t be away from office for the next two years. I am so confused; I don’t know what to do.”
Neela was aghast, she had been secretly praying for this since a couple of years. Sonia had been married for six years now and everyone in the family was asking her why Sonia hasn’t had a child yet or if there was any problem - fertility issues, relationship issues? Knowing that Sonia would not appreciate any intrusion into her privacy, Neela had hesitated to bring it up with her all along. And now finally when her prayers were being answered, Sonia was having second thoughts? Neela could not believe it.
“Sonia, my darling, calm down. Listen to me carefully. Don’t worry too much about your project, its not very important, and definitely not more important than your baby. You are so lucky that it has happened so easily for you. Have you forgotten how much Seema struggled to have a child? Everything in life has an appropriate time, darling. This is the best age for you to have a baby. The more you delay, the more it will be difficult for you. You have had a successful career so far, now take a break and enjoy every moment of this very special stage in your life.”
“Ma, what are you saying? I can’t just give up everything I worked for all these years. My job and career are very important; it’s a part of me.”
“Baby, trust me. What matters in life most is your own family. Your life will be full and complete with kids. A job cannot give you that sense of fullness. Once you hold your baby in your arms, it’s going to be a different life.” Neela said.
Being a working mother all her life, Neela had felt a big loss when her daughters had moved on, too quickly she thought. Looking back, she wished she had spent more time with her kids. They had grown and moved on so quickly, even before she realised, even before she could enjoy them. Neela didn’t want Sonia to have any regrets, how could she get Sonia to understand?
“Ma, how can you say this to me when you yourself have worked all your life? Why didn’t you give up your job for us? How do you expect me to throw away everything when you didn’t? I wanted your help to make up my mind on not having the baby but you’re complicating it more!”
“You learn from experience, my dear. Now I wish I had spent more time with you girls, been there when you came back from school, cooked…..”
“OKAY OKAY….now don’t go on and on, you’re not helping me. I will speak to you later, bye.”
Sonia hung up feeling more wretched and confused. She slumped back on the bed, staring into the white ceiling again. She lay there for hours, without realising that she hadn't even had lunch.
Late evening the front door lock clicked open, Jeet, walked in tired and drained, dumped his office bag on the couch, switched on the TV to watch the sports channel and settled in front of the TV. Lethargically he removed his shoes, socks, tie and shirt and flung it on the couch. Oblivious of Sonia in the bedroom he made himself a cup of coffee and settled back on the couch.
Sonia didn’t feel like getting out of bed, she was not very keen to talk either; she lay there juggling conflicting ideas. Suddenly she felt anger and hatred engulfing her entire being.
He’s enjoying cricket match while I’m being torn apart!
Just then Jeet walked into the bedroom to change and was taken aback to see Sonia laying on bed
“Hey, when did you come? I thought you were in office? Why didn’t you come to the living room when you heard me? How was your presentation? Why didn't you answer my call in the afternoon?”
She didn’t say anything, trying to control a violent outburst
“Are you ok? What's wrong? Not your mood swings again!”
She didn’t respond,
“Oh! Come on Sonia, what is it? What did I do now?” he asked sarcastically
“I may be pregnant”
“What?”
“I MAY BE PREGNANT, Jeet.”
“How, when….?”
He was not prepared for it; he was as shocked as she had been. He rushed to sit besides her, peering at her to see if she was joking.
“Tell me what's going on, don’t play games with me.”
Sonia recounts the morning events. They stare at each other,
“So what do you think?” he asked
“I can’t have the baby, its just the wrong time.”
He didn’t say anything, she asked
“What are you thinking?”
“I think if it’s happened then we should go with it”
Sonia flared up instantly
“So easy for you to say. It’s entirely your fault and I have to pay the price. My life is going to be turned over and you can take it so lightly. What about my job, my career, my goals, my dream?”
Jeet’s nose flared with anger, his eyes rolled.
“Don’t you blame me! You should have been careful if it’s so important for you. All married women have kids you’re not the first women in the world in this situation, don’t over react.”“You’re selfish as always, when it comes to my life it’s not as important. Just like how you forced me into leaving a great job in Mumbai when you got a great offer in Dubai. I had to struggle for a year to get a break in Dubai while you built your career. My struggles have always been part of life for you.”
“Don’t talk rubbish, we moved to Dubai for both of us, didn’t you get your dream job eventually. So what are you complaining about? ”
“I can’t have the baby now, I need more time.”
“Sonia, if it has happened then let it be, maybe it's God’s will for us to have the baby now. It will be great for us.”
Sonia, stared blankly at the ceiling
“You want to go for an abortion? Will you be able to go for it? Moreover this is Dubai, it’s not allowed here, what will you do?”
“Just get out!” Sonia screamed at him
Jeet stomped out of the room.
Sonia covered her face with her hands hiding the large sobs building inside her; she was being pulled deeper and deeper into a bottomless swamp. All her life she was never in a situation where she couldn’t make a decision on her own. Now she felt like she was lying in the operation theater and the doctor was asking her if he should amputate her left or right arm.
“TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!!!” My mum shouted from downstairs. I sighed and got up from my seat at my desk, and walked over to my stereo to turn down the volume. I sat back down at my desk and continued writing the essay that was due tomorrow.“Abby, Abby!” My little sister cried as she opened my bedroom door. My real name was Hope, but my little three year old sister calls me Abby for some reason that I’m really not quite sure of.
“Yes princess?” I sighed as she jumped onto my lap.
“Will you read me a story please, Abby?” She said in a way to cute to say no to. I picked her up and brought her over to my bed. “I have to do something very important now so maybe in a while ok?” I asked her as nice as I could. She gave me a quizzical look then bounced of the bed and skipped out of the room.
For the second time in five minutes I returned to my essay and tried to concentrate. I wrote my name the date and the first sentence and then my phone vibrated. I felt the need to throw it at something but that would be such a waste of my birthday gift last year. I grabbed my phone off my shelf and checked the new message I had.
It was from my friend Ciara, it read:
OMG!!!
Guess what just happened?!
Super emergency call ASAP!!
I groaned at my melodramatic friends message. I would have to deal with her later. I would have bet money though that it was something to do with her boyfriend Tyler, they were always getting into fights or cheating on each other. They were old news.
I looked back at my essay. I had written nine words out of the three thousand word minimum. Just great, and it was due tomorrow! I glared at my paper for a minute then decided I needed a soda, so I hopped up from my chair and went down stairs.
In the kitchen my mum was making dinner. I leaned over the counter with my soda in my hands. “Could you pass me the knife please?” My mum asked me. I handed it to her, then took another swig of my soda. “Where’s dad?” I asked.
“He just went out to the shop for me, Maggie went with him.” She replied without looking at me. I nodded slowly, trying unsuccessfully not to think about the blank piece of paper sitting at my desk in my room.
“Do you know what you want to do for your birthday yet, sweetie?” She asked me. I thought for a second without answering. “I’m not sure.” I said truthfully. I had tons and tons of friends. I was practically the most popular girl, even though I didn’t like to admit it. I was in the popular group, we got invited to all the cool parties and we threw even better ones. But for my seventeenth birthday I wasn’t sure I wanted the normal big birthday bash thingy again. I wanted, needed, something different.
“Ciara called by the way.” My mum broke my thoughts. I sighed, “I know, she called me too.” My mom gave me a look as if to say it’s rude not to call back. I just shrugged. “I’m gonna go back upstairs, I still have to finish my essay.” I told my mom before heading back up to my room.
I sit down at my desk determent to finish my essay. I look around my room to find my pencil. I swear I had put it right beside my paper. I look at the bed then I crawl under the desk just in case it fell. Nowhere to be seen. “MUM!” I shout. I wait three seconds for the reply, “yes, hun?” she replies. I walk to the top of the stairs so I don’t have to shout.
“Did you move my pencil?” I ask, tapping my foot in frustration. She thinks for a moment then after what feels like hours she says, “no, I don’t think so.” I groan. Typical mum. I hurry back to my bed room and look back at my desk. The pencil is sitting right where I left it. I growl in frustration. I pick up the pencil and start writing. About three sentences later I look over at my bed. My phone is lying there with three new messages. My laptop is sitting beside it, just ready to open and- I stop myself from thinking about these things. This paper counts for thirty percent of my grade this year. But it would be rude not to reply to the texts..
No. I pick up an emty box and grab my phone, laptop and any other things that could distract me. (which is surprisingly a lot!) after four minutes of this I sit back down. I pick up my pencil and-
“DINNER!” my mum calls from down stairs.
Great. Looks like I won’t get it done after all.
BLEEEEEP!! BLEEEEEP!! BLEEEEEP!!
I wake with a start. I hit my alarm clock on the head, which only makes it fall onto the ground and bleep louder. I groan and get out of bed. I didn’t get to sleep until very late, because I was up all night trying to get my essay done with no luck I might add. I get dressed into a blue blouse with light grey skinny jeans and my converse trainers. I quickly pull a brush through my hair, and grab an apple just as the bus arrives.
I rush out the door and then scan the bus to find the seat that my best friend reserves for me every day. I sit down with a huff, and lean back in my seat. I open one eye to see my best friend, Melody, staring at me. Today she was wearing a way too tight top, with way too short shorts, and a pair of her favourite wedges. “What?” I say after a minute of her questioning eyes boring into me. She sighs, “Did you even look at what you threw on this morning?” She asks. I look down at my outfit, I thought it was fine…
“Well my alarm went off late.” I say in my defence. She rolls her eyes, she would never let something like that make her wear a bad outfit or have a bad hair day. “So guess what,” she changes the subject and turns around so she’s facing me fully, leave it up to her to know all the gossip. “You know Brandon and Kate?” Of course I know them, everybody does. They are the biggest couple in the school, they’ve won cutest couple every year since I can remember. She continues before I can speak, “Well they just broke up!” She squeaks. I never really care about these things but it makes her happy so I listen.
She waits for my reaction which comes a bit too late, “Oh, wow. Well, poor them.” I say unconvincingly. “Do you know what this means?” She squeals, I sigh, “What does it mean?” I roll my head to the side to see her answer. “It means he’s on the market!!!” She nearly shouts.
“Shh! Do you want the whole bus to hear?” As I say that a few heads turn our way. I look back at my best friend. “Sorry.” She says, examining her nails. I sigh, we always have stupid little comments and fights like that but I know she’ll always have my back, and I’ll always have hers. The bus stops at another person’s house and I look up to see who’s getting on the bus. It’s Mellissa, a senior who has a serious problem with overdoing fake tan. I look back down to hear my little nokia alert me that I have a new text. I open the message, it’s from my mum telling me that I forgot my English textbook. Just perfect, I thought. Now I was going to get into trouble in the one class I was hoping to do well in today. I look out the window to see one of those cheesy billboards telling us to do our teeth, or something like that.
Finally we arrive at Green Wood Day. I grab my bag and head to my locker with Melody. I check my class schedule for the day then grab the books I need and stuff them into my bag. I check my hair in the mirror in my locker before shutting it and wait for Mel to finish applying the make up to her face. I get tired of waiting and tell her I’ll meet her in class. I walk down the hall to my first class which is English. I cringe as our teacher asks for our essay, I walk up to the front and hand over the scribble of a not that my mum wrote for me. Clare (as we all call her, she’s the only teacher who lets us call her by her first name.) sighs and tells me to have it done next time. I groan dreading having to go through that all over again. I walk down to my seat which is right beside Melody’s.
My phone vibrates in my pocket to alert me of a new text. It’s from Melody, I read it and she just wants to let me know that she likes Clare’s shoes. I sigh and type a quick reply of, yeah I guess there nice. She reply’s instantly says that I had no sense in fashion. It was true, I really didn’t mind what people thought of me. I think I literally had one tube of mascara. I look up to the board, where Clare was writing about our next homework.
Yay.
I looked down at my paper, I had no notes written yet so I took some down. I looked over at Melody’s paper, as I thought there was no notes written, and she was examining her nails, again. I scanned the class room lazily. The three lady-gods we call them, are sitting in front of me. Me and Mel decided to call them that because they treat themselves as gods and think they rule the school. Which of course they don’t. They are normally more preoccupied with their hair and what to bye next with daddy’s credit card to pay attention in class. They also wear exactly the same clothes and dye their hair the exact same coulor so it’s impossible to tell them apart. One of the lady-gods leans over my paper and their golden dyed blonde hair droops over my paper. I flick it off and she turns around and gives me a stern look. I raise my eye brows and she quickly flips her head around to face the other way.
That class goes quickly and as soon as I get in there I am rushing out the door with everyone else. My next class is art. I love art. I feel very free in it, like I can be and do whatever I like. I go outside the building and cross the yard. Most people don’t know the shortcut but I do and I go this way every day to art, and home etc. I arrive early and take my usual seat. All the chairs are in a circle with a blank sheet of paper in front of us. Ms, Addelé smiles at me, I think I’m her favourite student. I take my pens and pencils out and sit patently waiting for the rest of the class. Melody arrives late, I see her flirting with some boy outside the door, she flicks her hair over her shoulder, her signature move. I give her the look and she sighs and tells him she’ll talk to him later. The opens the door and joins me in class.
“Today ,class, I would like to welcome Luke to our class.” My eyes widen as I, and all the rest of the class, stares at him. He is beautiful. I would have never called a guy that before but that was the only way to describe it. He had dirty blonde hair, like mine, and baby blue eyes. He wore faded jeans with a hoddie that looked like it had been worn before. He smiles, then sits down. I tare my eyes away to look at Melody, she’s as mesmerized as me. I look back at Luke. What a lovely name, I realize I’m starring again and look up at the teacher.
“He’s just moved here and I would like you all to welcome him to our school. I hear Melody whisper “Oh, I’ll be welcoming all right.” I frown, I’m not sure why that upsets me but it does.
“Today we will be painting still life.” She continues. “You can either do it light by candle light or by the setting sun.” I decide to do by candle light. I look back at Luke. The teacher is talking to him. Suddenly he looks over at me. My eyes widen in alarm, I quickly look away. He then walks over to me, well I think it’s to me until he sits down beside me. The teacher must have moved him, huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally do that. I risk a quick glance his way, he’s looking at the blank paper In front of him. I take a moment to appreciate his long flowing hair, and smooth sleek face. He turns and looks at me.
“Hey,” He says.
“Hi” I reply.
Melody coughs loudly, I look over at her. She looks at Luke with a flirtatious smile. I frown and look back at, Luke. It’s too late he’s already started drawing his painting. I growl under my breath and start mine. It’s a double lesion to half an hour later I’ve drawn a pond and beautiful flowers and fireflies. Luke looks over at my painting.
“Wow.” He says, “That’s amazing.”
I blush, “Yeah it’s kinda hard I mean, I thought it would be easier but all the contrasts are stronger.” I frown at my painting.
“I don’t think you can say you’re having trouble with your painting.”
Eva wrote: "“TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!!!” My mum shouted from downstairs. I sighed and got up from my seat at my desk, and walked over to my stereo to turn down the volume. I sat back down at my desk and continued ..."Okay, I did a quick once and over. Try to work on showing instead of telling. Also there are some spots that are a little choppy. To fix this read it out loud and if something feels un-natural take a second look. Also pay attention to sentence length, a combination of too many short sentences can make things choppy sometimes.
His First Duchess, Chapter 1Blame Napa's Friday commute. She did.
Amelie Harris looked down from the overpass at the jammed freeway. She hummed a little and took a peek in the rear view at the traffic crowded in behind her; winding its way like a funky metal serpent up Jamison Canyon and all the way back into Napa. Hah. Well, she was a terrible person of course, but there was some consolation in knowing she wasn’t alone in going nowhere fast.
She gazed hungrily at the off ramp a couple hundred yards ahead. If she could just get there she would be able to take the back roads through Rockville and Fairfield and sail into Vacaville with the wind in her hair. Finally! Jamming Queen into the CD player Amelie gave a whoop of freedom, rolled down the windows and cranked open the little Volkswagen Rabbit's sunroof.
As she raced over and around the rolling hills and shops and farm houses that ranged from shabby chic to just shabby, she thought about how much she loved California. Northern Cal was the best part and she dared anyone to say otherwise. Living in Vacaville was good too. Her tiny, tree-embowered bungalow infused her entire life with a sense of home and security. The girls and The Fams were nearby, but not too close. 'Let's meet at your place in fifteen and walk to Gazpacho's for lunch'? Awesome. 'Knock. Knock. 'Can I borrow some coffee'? Not so good.
She lived alone, slept alone and helped her friends take care of their lives. Her own life consisted of her cat, her car, her job whichever kind of classes struck her fancy (these days, the mambo) and no complications. She didn’t ask her self whether she was settling for safety in lieu of something richer...often. She had peace and no intention of fiddling with it. One other thing she had. Friday evenings on the patio of Merchant and Main for some of the best California cuisine around.
As visions of garlic fries danced in her head, a flick of her wrist sent the Rabbit sweeping into the parking lot. Amelie cut the engine but her hand stalled on the door handle, stopped by a tickling at the back of her brain.
Two men stood talking in front of the slightly seedy office building which stood catty corner to the restaurant. Just a few offices leased space in that building; a Red Cross and a couple of real estate and insurance types. All had been there at least a million years and neither man belonged to any of them. The tall one was all expensively styled hair and a leather coat which screamed, 'I'm cool and you're not'. Leather Coat was certainly not a resident real estate agent. Agents ran more to paunchiness and grey edges than fit bodies and salon styled hair.
The other guy, shorter, in cargo shorts, Birks and buttoned-down shirt. Preppie Guy was no lifeguard. They seemed innocuous but . . .Ammy looked away before they felt her gaze; the tickle taking on a new rhythm. . .the a light throb at the back of her head. She sat for second working over a couple of--okay, well inventing possible scenarios.
The tinny tunes of Brave Scotland rent the air. “Yes,” she said into her phone. It was Hosh. “What are you doing? Get your butt over here.”
Ammy grinned and disconnected the call, left the car and waved to her friends. Hoshi stood on the right tall, thin and riotously gorgeous; her brown-black hair cascading down her back, in curl after wild curl. She had honey brown skin and a deadly beautiful mouth; with the wit to match. Ammy never saw Hoshi without feeling compelled to stamp her with a seal reading, 'Made In California'. She was black, Mexican and Japanese. Her dad Fletcher was black, her mother, Cora was half Mexican and half Japanese. Family dinners were a riot, with people fighting for control of the kitchen in English, Japanese and Spanish.
Next to Hoshi, stood Colette; shorter, rounder and paler. She had the milk white complexion you read about in books, waist-length wavy auburn hair and green eyes. Ammy’s lips quirked in a smile, there wasn’t a man alive who could walk by without doing a double take for that hair and those eyes. As they were shown their favorite patio table, she could see that even with Hosh’s presence, Colly did not go unnoticed.
Their corner table afforded them great views of both the patio and the restaurant's entrance; along with a smidge of privacy for piquancy. Collette and Ammy exchanged glances. People-watching nirvana would not have distracted either of them from the tale written across Hosh's face; the shadowed eyes, the tightness around her mouth,were distressingly familiar.
Clearly, Hosh's husband Michael (or as Ammy preferred to think of him, The Hound Dog) was again sniffing around places his promiscuous snout had no business. Ammy took a sip from the Pinot set before her and kept her mouth shut. She wanted to start screaming, or crying or something. Hoshi was beautiful, smart, cultured. And in love with a liar that she wouldn’t leave.
Why wouldn’t Hoshi just...her mind backed away; refusing to take a spin on the same carousel she and Hosh had been riding for the past three years. Ammy thought with some shame that she hadn’t been a very good friend. Colly was far better at providing tea and sympathy, but then Colly had the patience of Job and a way of loving without judgement. A trick Ammy knew she herself had yet to learn. She smiled lightly as she looked at the two women and continued to drift.
Oh my, oh my,” Hosh breathed wickedly, “what I wouldn’t give for some of that.” Colly pretended to be shocked and peeked, Ammy turned in her chair to regard the two men openly. Ammy recognized the older one as Leather Jacket from the parking lot. In his early forties, he felt Eastern European to her; a beautiful face though. If you liked the rocky crag type, all planes and angles.
Colly whispered, “Amelie,” she said, “They’ll see you looking.”
“Well I wouldn’t mind if they did,” she laughed, “especially the younger one.”
Especially the younger one. He was tall broad shouldered with a wealth of rich dark hair. And eyes, she heard Colly suck in a breath, they were amazing, she noticed them as he ran his eyes over the occupants of the patio, lingering on the trio, they were clear blue, like ice water. He caught them looking and raised two fingers to his brow in mock salute. Amelie smiled impishly at him, rolled her eyes and turned back to her friends. She and Hosh exchanged arched brows as his rich chuckle drifted toward them on the summer breeze. “Well?”, Hosh said.
“He was looking at you Hoshi.”
“Tut, tut, darling. It was a non-specific leer. Our Mr. Pretty-Eyes likes girls”. She smiled wickedly. “Either of you could have him at the bat of a lash.”
“Whatever,” said Colly.
“You know I’m right. It’s like I always say--” Colly started, "'A woman can have just about any man she wants'"
Ammy finished, "'and all of the ones she doesn't.'", Amelie groaned, "We know Hosh."
“It's not my fault men are easy!” Hoshi protested as her friends laughed at her, and murmured. “It’s loving them that’s hard.”
Yes, Amelie thought as she looked at Hosh. Loving them was hard. In the days before her marriage Amelie often joked that Hoshi could get and keep just about any man alive. Her devotion to this one man who refused to be kept...what did it do to her?
Ammy wanted to say that Hosh’s reasons for staying with Michael mystified her. But they didn’t. She wanted to say that they enraged her, but she loved Hosh too well and had seen her suffer too long to harbor anger toward her. Fear. That was it. That bold, brash, ruthlessly sensible Hoshi could be rendered vulnerable, and to such a man, terrified Ammy. 'No. I want no part of love.' But Hosh wasn’t through trying to make a match, not by a long shot.
Why was it that married women; happily or no, felt a compulsion to see their sistern coupled up, no matter how strenuous the resistance?
“Agh, you don’t mean to tell me this one isn’t your style either. I could practically hear your heart skip a beat.”
“Shut up Hosh,”Ammy said good-naturedly.
“I think I like the older one better.”
“Of course Colly darling, but then you would. After all, you know the old saying, ‘Better an old man’s darling than a young man’s slave.’”
“That is not what I meant, I’m just saying–“
She broke off at Hoshi’s knowing smile, her cheeks flushing. Hosh could be a perfect cat sometimes; and was preparing to sharpen her claws on Colette. Poor Colly, she sighed, she took everything so literally.
She half-listened to her friends as Hoshi picked at Colette and generally tied her into knots, until the poor girl wasn’t clear on what it was she was “just saying”. Witchy, witchy Hosh was in one of her moods, Amelie would need step in before any real damage was done. Colette, a bit prudish, had never felt an inappropriate emotion. It was a little personality quirk that annoyed them both. Nevertheless, tonight with a glass of Beringer’s Pinot in her hand and a couple of handsome men to please the eye, she felt determined to be mellow. At that moment, Leather Jacket's eyes met her own.
'Murder shrieks out.'
The thin slash of pain left Ammy blind and breathless.
Willow wrote: "His First Duchess, Chapter 1Blame Napa's Friday commute. She did.
Amelie Harris looked down from the overpass at the jammed freeway. She hummed a little and took a peek in the rear view at..."
I like the beginning imagery of Ammy caught in traffic with a bunch of people going nowhere with her. It's a very strong "Hero in the ordinary world" sort of statement, and I get a good idea of Ammy's life - ordinary, but comfortable, and Ammy's pretty satisfied even though she's single. I'm always in the corner of a woman who likes where she's at, especially in a romance story. I like the confidence and the security it provides.
I do think that there's a point of imbalance in description. we get a lot of background bio on Hoshi's parentage, and it made me wince, a little bit. It's something that would be great to know, but I can't see it as a high priority right now, when I'm looking for the hook. And my eyes skipped over the first description of the men, so it isn't standing out enough. I went back and looked for it when it became plain that those men were important. would it be possible for their appearance to be more of an event? even the action of them walking a few paces into her path, or something that really grounds their presence.
Everything you wrote here is important to the scene, I think, and it's just a matter of refining the emphasis on some things and reserving others for later.
Oh, one more thing. Hoshi's unfaithful husband makes me wonder if fidelity is going to be a theme/conflict in the later story. Am I right?
Mod
Hi! Plzz give advice! It's just a first kiss scene :)It was a lazy Sunady afternoon. After we all had lunch, I got upstairs, took my iPad and was reading on the couch when he came in. I sat up when he plopped down on the couch and pulled me onto his lap, his strong, warm hand wrapped around my shoulder and waist.
'No, stay', he said softly. I flopped down on my back, laying my head in his lap. He lightly stroked my hair while gazing with these dark chocolate eyes. Eyes that I wanted to get lost in and never find my way back. His other arm was draped over my stomach, his fingers tracing small circles on my waist over my shirt around my hip. His touch was electric. We both were gazing at each other and I noticed he was breathing a bit hard. My wild heart was thumping like the tumbling of thunder. Then he slowly started bending down. I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. Goosebumps coved me from head to toe. His lips felt so soft and smoothe, just like I thought it would. His lips didn't move, just stayed there for some precious moments. I wanted to preserve the moment. That was my first kiss. My first real one. A warm rush of heaven filled me. The whole world was turning. The feeling was so beautiful, it felt unreal. Then I felt his lips move away. Oh God, what if it's just a dream? What if HE is just a dream? No, please don't. It would hurt so bad.
A few minues passed by. He didn't talk or say anything, just kept stroking my hair. My eyes were still closed. I was just too scared to let go. Then I felt his lips on my forehead. He placed a soft peck there and gently lifted and layed my head on the couch. I felt him leaving the room.
The first short story I ever finished, contains LGBT characters. Tears
Jamie ran out of the room, trying to hold back the tears threatening to start streaming down his face at any second. He felt like his heart was being ripped in two. Gasping for breath, he ran blindly, just knowing he had to get away. He tore down the path between the houses, sprinting to the only place where he ever felt safe.
Reaching the park, he bent over at the waist, gasping in breath. He braced his hands on his knees as his legs threatened to give out. He felt ridiculous, standing in the middle of the open field, tears leaking from his eyes, his hair sticking to his forehead from the sweat streaming down his face. The air was warm and damp in the July heat, and he could feel the material of his loose plaid shirt plastered to his back. He thanked God that the sun had already began to set, so people in the houses bordering the park wouldn’t be able to look at him too closely.
As he finally began to catch his breath, he straightened up and slowly walked to the swings to the left of the main play structure. Sitting on one of the swings, he wrapped his hands around the chains, fighting to keep from gasping out in pain. The pain of a breaking heart. The pain of the deepest betrayal he’d ever experienced and never once expected.
Looking up at the darkening sky, he let the light breeze cool the sweat covering his skin. The sweet smell of flowers surrounding houses’ gardens permeated the air, along with the slight hint of exhaust that comes from living in a quiet little neighborhood on the outskirts of a large city. The sharp barking of a dog in a nearby house and the rustling in a nearby copse of trees as the critters settled in for the night were the only sounds interrupting the silence. He stared at the sky, but didn’t really see it. Instead, he was reliving the scene he’d left over and over in his head. The images flashed behind his eyes where they’d be forever burned.
His mom telling him that Ben was there. Jamie hurrying down the hall in his house, a smile stretching across his face. Hearing an excited shriek in Becky’s room. Swinging into her doorway, freezing where he stood. Seeing Ben sitting on her bed, Becky standing in front of him. Becky leaning down to Ben’s face, her arms around his neck. Her lips on his. Ben’s hands on her hips. Their surprised faces turning to see him standing in the doorway. Ben reaching out a hand to him, his forehead wrinkled in concern. Seeing him mouthing something, probably Jamie’s name. The world tilting as Jamie spun around, and then just blurs as he raced out of his house, not stopping until he got where he was, sitting on the swings, alone in the park at dusk, his heart breaking.
Any other guy, he would have reacted differently. Any other guy, he would have punched, probably thrown out of the house. Any guy but Ben.
Ben, who had been there with him through everything: who had helped him bury Hooch, his faithful cocker spaniel, in the backyard when they were ten; had stood by him through his parent’s divorce; had wrapped his arm around Jamie at his grandmother’s funeral; who visited him every day in the hospital when he broke his arm in three places after falling out of a tree; and who had held him while he cried after his father called him an abomination when Jamie told him he was gay. Ben, who had been part of every major event of his life since they were seven years old, his best friend, his confident, his rock. The boy who had stolen his heart when they were seven years old, and never given it back.
Under no circumstances would he have ever thought he’d see that same boy kissing his little sister, one of the three people in his life he had trusted with everything he was. Becky, who was three years younger than them, and just about to enter her first year of high school.
Glancing down at the ground, all the blinking in the world couldn’t have stopped a few more tears from slipping silently down his face.
The sound of shoes pounding along the path had him looking back up, and his eyes widened to see Ben flying down the path towards him. The look on Ben’s face had Jamie tightening his grip on the chains to keep from going to him. His face was red from exertion, and his eyes had a slightly crazed, desperate look to them. If it weren’t for his winded look, Jamie might have even said he looked sad, like Ben was in the same pain he was in.
Ben skidded to a stop a few feet from where Jamie sat on the swing, bending over much like Jamie had to catch his breath. “Jamie” was all he could gasp out before dragging in another shuddering breath.
Jamie tried to keep his face impassive, praying that all traces of his tears were gone from his face, and if not, that Ben would pass them off as sweat.
“How did you find me?” Jamie asked when it became obvious Ben wasn’t going to continue until he caught his breath. He tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible. Jamie may have trusted him with his life, but there was still one thing that Ben didn’t know about. Ben was still unaware of what Jamie’s true feelings about him were, and Jamie was determined to keep it that way, especially after what he had just seen.
Ben looked up at him, his breathing finally beginning to even out. “You always come here when you’re upset.” Jamie didn’t know how to reply to that, so he kept his mouth shut. However, now that Ben had his breath back, he was ready to talk. Straightening his stance, he came forward until he stood little more than a foot away, causing Jamie to have to look up to see his face. Ben opened his mouth, but closed it without saying anything. Now that he had his breath back, he didn’t seem to know what to say. Instead, Ben ran a frustrated hand over his head and down his face, making his hair stick to his temples where sweat beaded his skin.
Jamie couldn’t take the silence. “Why did you follow me?”
Ben looked him in the eyes, his face softening like it only did when they were alone, the harshness he kept in place around other people falling away. “I had to find you. I have to explain.” Looking into Ben’s eyes was too much, and Jamie looked away. Ben continued, the words tumbling out of his mouth. “I went to your house to talk to you. I needed to tell you something important, but I really botched it.” Jamie could feel the tears threatening again. Jeez, he thought, you haven’t cried this much since you were a kid, get it together man. “Becky saw me before you did though, and I chickened out, deciding to talk to her first.” Oh God, he’s about to tell you that he’s seeing your sister. You’re supposed to be punching him for even looking at your little sister, not holding back tears like a baby! “When I told her what I was planning on telling you, she got excited, and acted without thinking. It wasn’t a real kiss man, it didn’t mean anything.”
“Your arms where around her.” Jamie accused. Ah, there’s that anger.
“No man, I was pushing her away. The whole thing was like less than a second, you just misinterpreted it. I swear man; I don’t have my sights on your sister. Actually, it’s kind of the exact opposite.”
“What are you talking about?” Jamie was getting impatient now, and he clung to that impatience like a life raft.
Ben sighs. “I’m screwing this up again. What I’m trying to say is that nothing is going on between me and your sister. She’s like a sister to me too you know, that would be like incest.” He shudders. “I wanted to know what she thought of what I was going to tell you, and she got so happy that she hugged me to show her support. There was nothing romantic or erotic or anything like that about it. She was really upset after you ran out, because she knew you would that there’s something going on when there isn’t.”
“What did you tell her?” Jamie asked, noticing how Ben was avoiding actually saying what it was. Jamie was surprised to see a blush spread across Ben’s cheeks, visible even in the dimming light. Then he looked Jamie straight in the eye, looking like he was shoring up his nerves. Ben sucked in a deep breath, and his next words were said in a rush.
“I told her that I couldn’t be your friend anymore.”
Wait, what?! Jamie’s mind reeled, trying to come up with an answer for what that meant, aside from the obvious, heart-breaking answer. He didn’t want his heart to break for a second time that day, he didn’t know if he could handle it. He flinched away from Ben’s gaze, a tear leaking out of his eye before he could stop it.
“Why?” Jamie whispered, bracing himself against what would probably be another blow to his heart. Instead of answering him, Ben’s fingers under his chin had Jamie’s eyes flying back to his face. Ben looked at him softly, the thumb of his other hand brushing away the tear.
“Because I love you.” He stated simply, as his eyes crinkled with worry, as if expecting rejection.
Jamie stared at him, eyes wide. “Could you please repeat that?” He finally replied.
A small smile tugs at Ben’s lips. “I’m in love with you, have been for a long time.”
And suddenly Jamie smiled, a real smile, so bright that Ben blinked at him in shock before grinning back at him just as broadly. For the first time in ten years, Jamie had hope that maybe, just maybe, the boy he loved might actually love him back.
***
Mod
It was a lazy Sunady afternoon. After we all had lunch, I got upstairs, took my iPad and was reading on the couch when he came in. I sat up wh..."
@Nuzhat-
Forgive me for not reading this earlier, but we MODS are always busy trying to revamp the group!
Thoughts on the kiss scene:
I can't appropriately lay my finger on this, for I've never been kissed, but i can say that it quells my deepest desire to ! It seemed very surreal and the narrator describing her lover was very descriptive. The sentences could be longer, but what's more important is that they flow, which most seem to do. Towards the end, it kind of flows out of topic, but otherwise, I really liked it, the broadness of the kiss. Try describing the kiss from both sides. He kisses her but does she kiss back voluntarily and how?
(Kiss scenes always melt me:D)
Mod
Tears
Jamie ran out of the room, trying to hold back the tears threatening to start streaming down his face at any second. He..."
Thoughts:
I was so anticipant to reply to this a month ago, but my plans faulted me, and for that I'm sorry!
Even though LGBT isn't within my range, I can say that this was a really good short clip. I love Ben, and falling in love with male characters is far from the likes of me, but i did! You easily won me with Jamie's fear of speaking out his true feelings for Ben, and Ben's whole-hearted and abiding companionship to Jamie over the years. This had a nice balance of showing and telling. I don't have much to offer other than my critical acclaim of this fabulously woven short story. Keep up the work of making your characters three dimensional, and describing the scenes with accuracy. I really liked it.
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