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I'm not sure who else to talk to about this, so I guess this thread will work, even if no one replys back or anything. I've struggled with cutting in the past, to the point that it landed me in a treatment center just this last August. I never cut too deep, and the scars are fading. But in a way, that makes me sad. I know how screwed up that is and that I should be happy their gone, but it just makes me want to cut again. I know I shouldn't give in because it put me in a bad place before and I'm glad I haven't cut in over 6 months. But I don't know, I just feel like cutting again. I don't feel like I can tell my mom about it because she might send me back to a therapist or something, and all my friends are in California, not where I live, so I don't really have anyone to talk to. Any advice?
May I ask why you cut? Do you just feel sad?
I don't really cut any more. But when I did, it was because I was really depressed or anxious or insecure and wanted to show my own shame on my body. Cutting is sort of hard for me to explain though. It was a lot of mixtures of things, and at the time it was sort of an out lit for me.
I have bad anxiety and go through a lot of bad thoughts that I have to get rid of.
I have some anxiety too. I know how you feel. I wouldn't say mine is very bad, just kind of mild, but my mom has really bad anxiety too so if you need any one to talk to, I'm here.
I have extreme anxiety. Not really for my own safety, but for the safety of the people I love like my mom and dad an little bro and sis. I struggle with living my life constantly with my anxiety, but most people don't even know it. And as for just feeling depressed, I do this weird little thing. :P I make sure I find one thing or person or sight or event to be happy about witnessing. For instance, after a rough day, whenever I lay my head in my pillow and sleep, I'm happy because 1) that's my way of telling the world to shove off and 2) bad days bring good dreams.
There have been two occasions where I've thought about suicide and I have thought about cutting myself, but I was never overly serious about it because I was too lame and my reasons were stupid. The closest I ever got to cutting myself was I was really mad when practicing piano but I only really scratched myself. Now that I'm typing this this is actually really embarrassing but I've never really told anyone. At least on the internet I can stay semi-anonymous.
But I still have horrible self-esteem and confidence.
Believe me. I've been in the place you have. I've burst into tears, shredded papers, kicked doors, punched walls...you name it. All over things really aren't that important.
I can get really angry but I usually just cry. I want to hit things and stuff but like I said, I'm too lame to hurt myself because it hurts too much :/
I always have faith though. Itll get better. It is just enduring it that's the hard part.
It's nice to have people to share this crap with ya know? Like I have agraphobia. And it sucks. To be blunt, it's the fear if sexual abuse. I've never been abused, but the idea absolutely terrifies me. Gosh. The idea of willing intimacy terrifies me. And that's really embarrassing to say.
I started to cut myself recently. I have to go to counseling now that my parents found out. I told my friends, and they told the school counselor who told my parents. My whole wrist is messed up now, and I think I'll have scars. I also have problems with anxiety and feeling depressed all the time.
Annabel ♥ wrote: "I started to cut myself recently. I have to go to counseling now that my parents found out. I told my friends, and they told the school counselor who told my parents. My whole wrist is messed up no..."I've never been able to cut myself because I can't stand the sight of blood. But I know every life is significant. Every one plays a very important role in life.
And for anyone debating on suicide or with those thoughts, it doesn't make it so where nothing gets worse, but it only eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.
The blood actually makes me want to do it more for some reason. I just feel so empty, lonely, and scared at the same time, and I'd never ever ever commit suicide or even think about ending my life, its just that the cutting was an outlet for a while for my feelings,it made everything better.
I found a trick online,to help me stop cutting,I don't know if it will work though. Its like this: draw a butterfly on my arm for every time I want to cut, and then pretend that the butterflies represent people who love and care about you, and every time you cut you kill one of the butterflies.
I found a trick online,to help me stop cutting,I don't know if it will work though. Its like this: draw a butterfly on my arm for every time I want to cut, and then pretend that the butterflies represent people who love and care about you, and every time you cut you kill one of the butterflies.
:) I like that. It's kinda like being thankful for the people who love you.
Annabel ♥ wrote: "The blood actually makes me want to do it more for some reason. I just feel so empty, lonely, and scared at the same time, and I'd never ever ever commit suicide or even think about ending my life,..."I understand you're reasoning. The sight of my own blood made me want to do it more too. I also did the butterfly thing with a really close friend from tumblr last year when my cutting got really bad, and she did one on her wrist and I did one on mine and that actually helped me quit :) As for the outlet thing, just try reading a book or listening to music or writing. It's a much healthier way to get out feelings.
thanks :) yeah, I'm on Day 2 right now, I really want to stop, there are like 20 butterflies on my arm... But I don't want to disappoint all my friends and parents.
Yeah. I understand. Do your parents know you cut?
Yeah, they found out. I told my friends, and they told the school counselor, and the school counselor told my parents.
I see. My parents found out because my mom noticed I was always wearing big bracelets about six months into my cutting. Then she saw one of my bigger scars and took me to a therapist, and from there they sent me to a treatment center that I was in for a week. It took a lot to make me stop, but now that I have, I can say it really is worth it. If you quit, you feel so much more free.
I thought my mom had noticed but she wasn't saying anything, but that wasn't the case, she didn't notice at all. I'm surprised, though, I wore bracelets and bandages on my wrists and even my friends who didn't know got suspicious.
None of my friends ever even noticed anything. I told two of them that I really trusted. But that was it.
I cut again because I failed my math test :/ I'm so mad at myself.
I'm fine, I guess. I just feel like I let everyone down. But I couldn't help it.
If they really love you, they'll forgive you. They may not understand, but they'll forgive you.
My mom is acting like I've moved on from the cutting, easy as that, but I haven't obviously. If I tell her she'll be so disappointed/angry. And I'll have to get even more counseling than I already do. :/
Annabel ♥ wrote: "My mom is acting like I've moved on from the cutting, easy as that, but I haven't obviously. If I tell her she'll be so disappointed/angry. And I'll have to get even more counseling than I already ..."That's how I feel about my mom too. But you just have to understand that your parents love you and they probably hate thinking of you cutting yourself. Maybe they feel like it was their fault. You just have to remember that and be patient and hopefully soon they'll understand more.
No problem :) I just hope that helps you out somehow. I know when I first quit cutting it was hard. And I won't lie, the feeling of wanting to never really goes away. But it does lessen after a while.
i need to vent. my boyfriend used to be my everything. like, he wasnt just my kissing partner... he was my best friend. he somehow managed to make me smile, make me happy, make me nervous, make me excited... and i used to cry when the thought of breaking up crossed my mind...
Hes a year older than me, and i knew that once he graduated we wouldnt see each other as often anymore. so i broke up with him. he didnt take it well. and we ended up getting back together on graduation day. he promised that he would make time to see me and see me and keep our relationship alive. but turns out i was right about us. he broke his promise. and now, we dont hang out. we dont talk. we HARDLY text. and im so FUCKING mad because i really cared about him, and he was seriously, my first love. What we ad was pure magic. but he fucked it up. he broke his promise. and it just hurts so fucking bad when i remember what we used to be 3
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Annabel ♥ wrote: "My mom is acting like I've moved on from the cutting, easy as that, but I haven't obviously. If I tell her she'll be so disappointed/angry. And I'll have to get even more counseling than I already ..."I do the same but my family doesn't know and I plan to keep it that way. They just don't understand.
Liana wrote: "i need to vent. my boyfriend used to be my everything. like, he wasnt just my kissing partner... he was my best friend. he somehow managed to make me smile, make me happy, make me nervous, make me..."
I know you probably don't want to hear this, but maybe it's just time for the relationship to end. I know it's hard to let go of your first love, and they'll always have a place in your heart, but maybe it's just gotten to a point where it needs to end. It doesn't seem like either of you are doing the other any favors, and long distance relationships can be VERY grueling to keep up. I think it might be best if you guys at least take a little break to try to set both of your priorities straight.
Liana wrote: "i need to vent.
my boyfriend used to be my everything. like, he wasnt just my kissing partner... he was my best friend. he somehow managed to make me smile, make me happy, make me nervous, make me..."
I'm not the expert on relationships by any means, but I'm going to have to agree with Damieka. I know enough to say that it's tough to let go of your first love, and long-distance relationships can be very demanding. I hope everything works out for you :)
my boyfriend used to be my everything. like, he wasnt just my kissing partner... he was my best friend. he somehow managed to make me smile, make me happy, make me nervous, make me..."
I'm not the expert on relationships by any means, but I'm going to have to agree with Damieka. I know enough to say that it's tough to let go of your first love, and long-distance relationships can be very demanding. I hope everything works out for you :)
This is really random, but I think I'm gonna go stag till college :( guys absolutely suck sometimes
Wow, good for you. I could never do that. Yeah guys suck but I seriously can't live without them :)
This first guy I think I ever fell for hard left me for an absolute... Ugh she was horrible.
That sucks. I've had a few "boyfriends" here and there but all of them have been stupid middle school flings that haven't even lasted. But at the time they seemed so important to me haha. And at the end I always ended up mad
I've had an almost boyfriend but it didn't work out. At least I still have it to look forward too though!
I'm no where near getting a boyfriend. lol I'm going to be single for life.
I just need to rant. Im angry with life right now, I just hate it so much. All my friends are turning on me, there isn't one friend I can trust in completely. Some of them turn away,some of them just aren't easy to talk to, others dont understand. and i hate it so much. I hate it when people treat me differently because I have self-harm and anxiety issues. My parents are treating me differently. they're treating me with more patience because they know what i'm going through,which is nice, but I can always tell when theyre looking at me that they're being careful because I'm self-destructive. Sometimes the feelings of self hate get so bad that random thoughts like "I wish I weren't alive' or "Maybe I should just end it all tonight" run through my head, and it scares the hell out of me. I hate hate hate the way I feel and thats why I want to self-harm. Its taking all my willpower not to cut, I havent for 4 days and thats my alltime record since I've started. I'm stressed, i feel so locked up and unhappy. My friends have been less than helpful. I feel misunderstood and unwanted. I overthink everything. There are way too many thoughts runing through my brain, so many that they make my head hurt. All I think about is my appearance, what grades I get, how well I do in sports. Its killing me. I can't even take it. I feel so angry and confused and bewildered and like I wnat to do something worse than cutting to myself. Im so fucking angry right now.
*deep breath* Ok. I feel semi-better now. If you took time to listen to that pointless rant, then thankyou. xx
I just need to rant. Im angry with life right now, I just hate it so much. All my friends are turning on me, there isn't one friend I can trust in completely. Some of them turn away,some of them just aren't easy to talk to, others dont understand. and i hate it so much. I hate it when people treat me differently because I have self-harm and anxiety issues. My parents are treating me differently. they're treating me with more patience because they know what i'm going through,which is nice, but I can always tell when theyre looking at me that they're being careful because I'm self-destructive. Sometimes the feelings of self hate get so bad that random thoughts like "I wish I weren't alive' or "Maybe I should just end it all tonight" run through my head, and it scares the hell out of me. I hate hate hate the way I feel and thats why I want to self-harm. Its taking all my willpower not to cut, I havent for 4 days and thats my alltime record since I've started. I'm stressed, i feel so locked up and unhappy. My friends have been less than helpful. I feel misunderstood and unwanted. I overthink everything. There are way too many thoughts runing through my brain, so many that they make my head hurt. All I think about is my appearance, what grades I get, how well I do in sports. Its killing me. I can't even take it. I feel so angry and confused and bewildered and like I wnat to do something worse than cutting to myself. Im so fucking angry right now.
*deep breath* Ok. I feel semi-better now. If you took time to listen to that pointless rant, then thankyou. xx
Damieka {LivingInYABooks} wrote: "I don't really cut any more. But when I did, it was because I was really depressed or anxious or insecure and wanted to show my own shame on my body. Cutting is sort of hard for me to explain thoug..."I know. there are so many different reasons that go into cutting. I cut for a lot of reasons, and a lot of the time when I cut, I do it for more than one reason at a time.
Alyssa wrote: "There have been two occasions where I've thought about suicide and I have thought about cutting myself, but I was never overly serious about it because I was too lame and my reasons were stupid. Th..."You know what, I've felt something a little like that to. I considered suicide a LOT in middle school and early high school, but i never tried it, and it was because I was too 'weak'. I wasn't 'strong' enough to try and end my life. And I seriously hate that. That... shame. It's not something to be ashamed of, and I realize that in my head, but it's hard to feel in my heart, you know?
You have to know that your on this planet for a reason. God makes no mistakes and everything is for a reason. And sorry if I'm offending anyone with my religious beliefs but that's how I see everything. If it wasn't for God I'd probably have been admitted a long time ago.
Just remember this..suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Go to YouTube and listen to others stories. You are NEVER alone.
It's hard to find positivity in this world. It's too easy to be down.
And I tried the butterfly thing and my mom thought it was stupid :( don't know what to do now.
Have you ever felt suicidal or cut yourself? Did you struggle with an eating disorder? Did your parents go through a terrible divorce? Anything that you feel needs talking about,do so here and you won't be judged,just given advice if you ask for it,etc.