With Or Without You – Brian Farrey

[PaperMoon]

Although this is easily one of the better YA / coming-of-age books I’ve read this year, it’s not a walk in the park read – some of the themes explored are heavy going and proving at times quite hard to read. I think back to another title with similar themes by Dakota Chase called Changing Jamie – Farrey’s novel is a way more polished and crafted work.

Starting with a gut-wrenching bashing scene, the novel introduces Evan and his best friend Davis (both boys are gay) at the end of their secondary school life – vowing to escape to a better life and existence far away from their hometown and distant/dysfunctional families. Despite the years of being bonded together with shared positive and negative experiences, each boy is making separate and different internal choices and decisions without necessarily sharing what’s going on internally with the other. I guess this is the path of childhood friends … all manner of things serve to slowly distance a friendship until at the end … neither person recognises who their best friend is anymore.

For Evan – his decision to keep his year-long relationship with older Erik a secret from family and even Davis weighs heavily on his conscience despite the valid reasons he tells himself for doing so. The trouble is this same secrecy is beginning to tear at the seams of the relationship with his wonderful boyfriend. For Davis, his decision to subscribe to the promise of excitement and empowerment preached by a mysterious newcomer at the local gay youth centre takes both boys into a scary and dark journey from which neither will escape without terrible consequence. Without giving too much plot away – the psychological mind-set of some very damaged individuals in the gay community really shocked me – there are definitely hard to read pages towards the end of the book.

I really ‘got’ Evan … his skewed motivations, low self-esteem and fears that feed and motivate some of his seemingly unwise relational interactions with Davis and Erik. All main characters and even one or two of the secondary characters are well developed … it’s great that Erik is not depicted as a two-dimensional saintly knight-figure. Farrey provides no pat answers no easy routes for his young characters, and whilst the ending is far from being completely bleak – Evan’s next steps in his journey toward adulthood is bravely hopeful.

I also really appreciated the author’s use of a series of artworks to frame a sequence of life vignettes revealing the highlights and lowlights of Evan and Davis’ long friendship – what shaped them into the YAs they currently are. Several of Evan’s “headlines” (imaginary reactions to tricky situations) made me smile though. For those who like to find allegories and deeper meanings … Farrey’s use of painted glass, windows suitably allude to all sorts of themes – separation from outside, art imitating life, finding one’s own palatte / style.

This book may not be to everyone’s tastes, and probably not the most suitable read to enhance the seasonal mood (read just before Christmas).

[James]

I've had this one on the kindle for awhile and finally got around to reading it. I think you summed the story up nicely and I pretty much agree with everything in your review.

There were times when I found it very hard to read and would think WT??? is going on here? I do think it went a LITTLE too far over the top there towards the end, but that could be just me living in my sheltered world, but it just seemed a bit much.

I really liked the characters Evan and Erik and I felt the ending was very fitting for their characters and their relationship.

A good read, if not a bit over-the-top and difficult at times.