Query

[Donna]

Hey girls, I say girls because so far that's all I've heard from. Would you be interested in reading a query for me? I'd love some feedback.

[Donna]

Okay, here it is.“The Lifestones or your son dies.” When Katra comes home from visiting her best friend Jazmine, she discovers her house trashed, her parents bound in the back and her brother missing. The note left behind demands the Lifestones in exchange for her brother’s life. Her parents are frantic but also confused. What are the Lifestones? It’s Jojo, Katra’s pet Rantyre, who initiates the search for the Lifestones. Jojo might look like a furry white penguin, but he has a unique talent. He can mimic any voice he hears although the comments are random and without comprehension. Katra is never sure what is going to pop out of his mouth next. Fortunately this time, it’s the voice of one of the kidnappers. Although no one agrees with her that it’s an important clue, it’s all Katra needs to drag her best friend along on a search that does indeed take them, not to the Lifestones, but to her brother who is locked in a cell. Before Katra can retreat and find help she wakes up with a headache on the wrong side of the cell door. It’s not long before Jazmine is tossed in with them too. Then the desperate situation becomes truly terrifying when the next victims to join them are her father and Axel, who have brought Jojo with them. The captives are taken to the dead planet, Tyre. This time it will take more than Jojo’s talent to save them. Katra thought all along that her brother was spoiled, but her worst nightmare comes true when it’s revealed that her irritating little brother is not only adopted, but, he’s the heir to the royal family of Tyre. The enemies believe they finally accomplished a centuries long effort to have both the heirs and the Lifestones together again on Tyre. Once the planet is brought back to life they can forever rid themselves of the royal threat. As Jojo’s jeweled collar is placed in Rani’s hands, all action comes to a halt and it’s as if the planet itself is holding its breath in anticipation of its rebirth.
Young readers will laugh at Jojo’s antics, be surprised at Katra’s bravery, take part in the war for control of Tyre and maybe hide a tear at the demise of a beloved character. But don’t worry, there’s a smile waiting at the end.
This 18,000 word, lower middle grade novel will appeal to boys and girls ages 8-12. I have published a YA science fiction novel, Golden Hope, through All Things That Matter Press-POD. I have taught school for many years and use my knowledge of children, my humorous experiences and my love of animals to enrich my writing. I maintain a website www.sci-fi-lite.com as well as @donnachubb, Donna M. Chubb on Facebook, www.beginningauthors.blogspot and www.sci-fi-lite.blogspot to build my reader following. I am currently working on a sequel to Golden Hope, and in addition to Katra, have one completed YA science fiction manuscript as well as a completed middle grade novel.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon,


What I need to know is does it grab and hold your attention. Does it sound like a book you would want to read? Is it confusing? You can give me straight answers, I don't mind. The agents will not be subtle. :)

[Serena]

This looks great! It definitely grabs my attention. I'm not sure who Axel is, but considering that this is just a summary, that doesn't bother me too much :)

[Donna]

Thanks you guys, I did say Axel was an assistant. I don't know if I should include him in the query. I'll rethink that, because it might be too many characters to keep up with for the short one. What are you two up to these days? I've been busy taking my elderly parents-who moved in with me in November- to various dr. appts, but I think we're clear until next week. It's been a blessing having them here but it does keep me busy.