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Bullying no longer an issue?
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Here it is still a problem. My kids went to a great small Montessori school through 8th grade. One of the middle school boys even liked to cross-dress and everyone was good with that. But it's still a major problem in public schools in a variety of ways, and not taken as seriously as it should be. (I personally think all bullying isn't taken as seriously as it should be. I know someone who was bullied for being fat, and it still affected her every day in her forties. If it could get you sued or arrested as an adult it's not just "kids will be kids")And then there are the religious schools (Just ask Sammy.) My daughter's best friend went to a religious highschool and my kids was interested, but she read the handbook and said it made being gay an unacceptable thing and she couldn't go to a place like that. (Even having gay parents was "incompatible with school principles") There are 250 kids in that school. Tell me none of them are LGBTQ?
Kaje wrote: "Here it is still a problem. My kids went to a great small Montessori school through 8th grade. One of the boys liked to cross-dress and everyone was good with that. But it's still a major problem..."I was bullied for being sick and bigger than most girls. At the time I was in an all girls Catholic school and it went on for about four years. It was horrible and nothing was done. I spoke to a teacher and some of the teachers heard the girls call me "it". It took another girl cursing out a teacher and confronting the girls in front of the teacher to get it sorted. I heard a lot of horror stories similar to mine and parents even got involved. Yet the school said they had an anti-bullying policy, but 7 girls got away with it.
Kaje wrote: "Here it is still a problem. My kids went to a great small Montessori school through 8th grade. One of the middle school boys even liked to cross-dress and everyone was good with that. But it's st...""Incompatible with school principles." How PC. NOT.
Bullying remains a huge problem across the U.S.
Kaje, I just saw this in my blogstream. This site is not intended for under 18, but the couple is young. Censor as you see fit:
http://2boysinlove.blogspot.com/2013/...
Matty and Brad are actually group members here. I know Matt's been talking off and on about this. It is relevant to this discussion, in that he was in highschool just a couple of years ago.
Kaje wrote: "Matty and Brad are actually group members here. I know Matt's been talking off and on about this. It is relevant to this discussion, in that he was in highschool just a couple of years ago."I adore Matty & Brad's blog. I also love Thorny's blog. Great guys.
Thorny did a great story for one of our pictures. but they're mostly busy with their own things. Really nice guys, although yes, sometimes 18+ on their own sites, so anyone going there should be aware.
Tʀɪsʜᴀ wrote: Lately I have heard several people saying members of the LGBT community are no longer bullied in schools. These people are telling lies or they live in la-la land.
The teacher, you mention, is Lucy Meadows, right? Really tragic.
Anna wrote: "Tʀɪsʜᴀ wrote: Lately I have heard several people saying members of the LGBT community are no longer bullied in schools. These people are telling lies or they live in la-la land.
The teacher, yo..."
Yeah. I think that was her name. It was very tragic.
Bullying in schools is just awful. Me and a few friends at school have teamed up with a teacher to make a policy at my school on homophobia because it's the main form of bullying in our school and pretty much the only bullying, but it happens a lot. We're quite far along with it, were going to be doing assemblies sometime soon. We're hoping that by doing it that other schools will follow suit, in York all the schools are pretty close to each other. it just needs sorting.
I don't believe that homophobia will stop in our lifetimes. I see it along the same lines of racism and that's still around! It is definitely getting better though and the LGBT community and it's supporters are more widely accepted.Just as a small statistic - Leeds LGBT Pride in 2009 had over 17,000 people attend. Last year, in 2012, it had 30,000+ people attend. In just three years there were 10,000 more people attending. To me that shows a lot.
Homophobia is gonna be a huge problem until the major religions accept gays and I don't see it happening unfortunately.
I do think there is a watershed of change happening, but I also think you're right. Half a century after Rosa Parks refused to move to the back of the bus, there is still discrimination based on race. Humans seem to be programmed to reject anyone seen as "other" for any reason. We're getting better, and I see that continuing, but it's a slow gradual process, and there will always be people who shore up their poor self-esteem by saying "at least I'm better than those ... people." And who then have to keep proving to themselves how much lower the "..." people are on the totem pole. But the less we put up with it in the mainstream of society, the less open it is and the less people think it's acceptable. We have an African American president - Rosa Parks would never have imagined that. Maybe one day we'll have an out LGBT president too.But the first step is all of us stepping up to say bullying in all venues (including legal bullying like not letting LGBTQ people marry or adopt kids together) has to stop. Every time we overlook it, we validate it. I have a bumper sticker that says "Whenever you do nothing in the face of injustice, you are taking the side of the oppressor." And I think that's where a lot of the motion is coming from now. People stopping the habit of looking away and saying nothing, and speaking up for fairness and civil rights, one more time.
Lizzie wrote: "Bullying in schools is just awful. Me and a few friends at school have teamed up with a teacher to make a policy at my school on homophobia because it's the main form of bullying in our school and ..."Good for you, Lizzie!! And your teacher. Bullies thrive on people letting them get away with it because they don't want to take the problem on.
In Ireland we had an LGBT presidential candidate. He didn't get in for personal reasons, but he was a front runner for a while. The Church spoke out about it and I was shocked that he was so popular. I don't think homophobia will ever be fully wiped out, but I would like to think of a time we could all be equal. I have heard some horror stories about gay kids being told they ask to get bullied. I would never say that. It would break my heart to think of my child being bulled for who they are, and I'm not a parent. But I know it would break my heart.
No one "asks" to be bullied. It's the perception that being gay is a choice. Like choosing to wear a particular shirt, that might be provocative. Even if it was a choice, it wouldn't be okay to be bullied for it. And clearly it's not.Some kids who are bullied do deliberately flame even more (or push the bullies in other ways) but that's because the bullying is there to begin with. If you're going to be hurt for something anyway, you may feel like you might as well take it as far as you can. Putting the blame on the victim is common - look at the rape cases where "she asked for it". This is more of the same kind of thinking.
It is and it's very sad. I know several cases of bullying that lead to suicide. Phoebe Prince was the most shocking case in recent history for me. When I think of bulling I always seem to find something on the news about it.Unfortunately I have an uncle with the view that people chose to be gay. My mammy told me about a time when they were out and he said something about a couple asking for trouble. She said they were just holding hands. I was saddened to hear that. I know some kids don't seem to care, they are the ones I think that end up the worst. It is hard no matter big or small it is.
I agree that bullying is a big problem. It is rampant and goes unpunished often. But there is also a sea-change in the attitudes toward GLBT teens. I agree with the earlier posts that religions need to accept gays and that would help, but I also think that stamping out queer discrimination is in the hands of the youth, and they are becoming more and more accepting: polls show that among the people who support gay marriage, the numbers are overwhelmingly skewed toward younger Americans. Organized religion, however, still is the bastion of older Americans. Educating youngsters and dealing with their egregious transgressions when it comes to bullying will lessen the number of incidences. In schools where GLBT youths are accepted by their peers, bullying incidents are far less likely to happen.
Each place is a little different. In place where I have been going to high school I have been mentally bullied for somewhere between 2-3 years
I was bullied when I was in elementary school both mentally and physically. I cried every morning because of my bully because I didn't want to go to school.
A friend of mine was bullied for three years straight and when I told a teacher about it (because my friend was to scared), she said that she couldn't do anything about it because it happened off school property. Is the classroom in front of the teacher off school property? I don't think so. I ended this year because the bully left the scool. I managed to punch him before he left for the bullying, though. He should be glad I don't know where he lives. And I'm a skinny girl with barely any muscle. I'm stronger than I look, though.
Good job Nessie! Bullies should get it all back so they know how it feels like
Amy, Hayden's datefriend wrote: "Good job Nessie!
Bullies should get it all back so they know how it feels like"
Thanks! I got bullied before changing school so now I try to stop it when it happens, since no-one helped me. I don't always succeed but when I can, I repay the favour. I don't bully them or anything. But I discovered this new power I have to make people scared of me. It only works on boys though. I don't hurt them or insult them. I'm not sure exactly how I do it. But I'm glad I can do it.
Bullies should get it all back so they know how it feels like"
Thanks! I got bullied before changing school so now I try to stop it when it happens, since no-one helped me. I don't always succeed but when I can, I repay the favour. I don't bully them or anything. But I discovered this new power I have to make people scared of me. It only works on boys though. I don't hurt them or insult them. I'm not sure exactly how I do it. But I'm glad I can do it.
That's very good! It's horrible when people turn their backs on things. We have to hold together
Team Anti-Bullying! I wish I could do more though. I wish I could do what they do, but to them. But if I do, I'm no better than the bullies.
Nessie wrote: "Team Anti-Bullying! I wish I could do more though. I wish I could do what they do, but to them. But if I do, I'm no better than the bullies."Exactly. It would be great if you can find some adult - teacher, counselor or someone who would be behind you on this. You shouldn't have to fight everyone's battles. I hope you can find an adult advocate.
I was a middler in high school, which means middle of the pack. Not unpopular but far from popular. And yes I was bullied daily.It is horrid out where I am. The small schools in town have little to no bullying, but just ten miles away in another school district, where the population density grows, bullying is a very real and very dangerous issue. The school district and faculty members turn their backs and pretend it doesn't exist in their school, under their noses, even when kids are beaten, a few even being left to die. From the 80s through to the present, in so many areas, nothings changed.
Tara wrote: "I was a middler in high school, which means middle of the pack. Not unpopular but far from popular. And yes I was bullied daily.It is horrid out where I am. The small schools in town have little ..."
Wow. Where do you live?
"I might be gay, but at least I'm not a ginger freak"-The admittedly gay teen to his friend after that friend confronted him about a bullying incident earlier in the day.
Things overheard while working in a public library.
Bullying is and probably always will be a problem. Scratch that. Bullying should never stop being a problem, because the moment we think that its no longer a problem is the very same moment we let an innocent get hurt and let the guilty get away with it.
And its not just us that get bullied; sometimes we're the bullies... That guy you embarrassed when he asked a 'dumb' question about LGBT issues, you bullied him. That girl I demoralized in her faith when she quoted scripture condemning gays, I bullied her.
Not all bullying is equal, and nobody is innocent of it; in fact, I'm bullying you right now. And once you're self-conscious of that fact, that's when things start getting better; you start thinking about how your words will impact people, how the emotions you provoke with those words can change a person--for better or for worse.
And the kid that confronted his friend about bullying, I talked to him, waived his fines, and gave him a leftover voucher for free icecream.
Kaje wrote: "Nessie wrote: "Team Anti-Bullying! I wish I could do more though. I wish I could do what they do, but to them. But if I do, I'm no better than the bullies."
Exactly. It would be great if you can f..."
I wish I could find one. But there isn't. My own mother can't step in when someones being physically bullied because they're usually bigger and stronger than her and she's afraid. I don't blame her though. I like to think I would've stepped in.
Exactly. It would be great if you can f..."
I wish I could find one. But there isn't. My own mother can't step in when someones being physically bullied because they're usually bigger and stronger than her and she's afraid. I don't blame her though. I like to think I would've stepped in.
Nessie wrote: "I wish I could find one. But there isn't...."That's sad and pretty scary if an adult like your mom feels intimidated by it. I hope as time goes by, we'll get more and more adults who take a stand and are willing to speak up, especially teachers and school staff. Good luck to you, and stay safe as you can.
Part of what we're doing, with writing and chatting, is pulling more adults into understanding LGBTQ issues and concerns. I sometimes get someone saying that they read one of my adult books as their first gay story and now they are active about gay rights - that's the power of words.
Kaje wrote: "Tara wrote: "I was a middler in high school, which means middle of the pack. Not unpopular but far from popular. And yes I was bullied daily.It is horrid out where I am. The small schools in town..."
Outside Tacoma, in the foothills of Mt Rainier. I will say the worst of the school districts (the one I posted specifically about) is a mix of city and country kids, and skirts the 7th worst drug area in the nation.
It is still not an excuse for what happens there.
Kaje wrote: "Nessie wrote: "I wish I could find one. But there isn't...."That's sad and pretty scary if an adult like your mom feels intimidated by it. I hope as time goes by, we'll get more and more adults w..."
Very well said Kaje! In my life I have either experienced or known others who have experienced everything you could imagine in every context. As I grew older I realized not much has changed. When I began working with a LGBTQ youth group, I found out very quickly everything is still out there, still prevelent, and people still look the other way.
As an author I hope my writing affects just one person, whether they are the one bullying or the one being bullied. Remember this one very basic thing. When a person is being bullied, just a smile, a hello, a kind gesture often times makes a monumental impact on their day, and sometimes their life.
I think the sea-change in bullying over the last 5-10 years is (1) an awareness of the concept of "bullying." A lot of people no longer assume the problem is the person being bullied. And (2) resources to help. People who are bullied can (sometimes) turn to administrators, and can always go online and find support (and also some idea what to do). Parents are also 50 times more likely to be supportive.But yeah, that certainly doesn't mean that bullying is gone! (I will say that when I'm in schools, awareness of bullying seems SO MUCH MORE prevalent even than 10 years ago. Then again, I don't get invited to schools where bullying isn't an "issue.")
It's certainly not a new problem and I do take some hope in the level of awareness. I remember my father talking about being bullied in school back in the 1920's (for being bookish and not athletic, etc.) and everyone just told him to "be a man about it". And that was in a loving family and a liberal school. So it has improved.But it does seem like it often still takes either a disaster or a big push from parents to make schools take the responsibility they should.
Oh it sure does, and not just schools. Until something happens they just won't take actions. It's sad, but true
The people who say it's no longer a problem, are the ones who keep the problem going. It is a problem, a big enough problem that kids are actually killing themselves or being bullied to death.The school district next door to mine was so full of bullying that 7 kids committed suicide in two years! That was enough for me. I wrote a scathing novel about being bullied, doing the bullying, and standing by and doing nothing. I just couldn't be silent, anymore.
Kids deserve better.
Brent wrote: "I think the sea-change in bullying over the last 5-10 years is (1) an awareness of the concept of "bullying." A lot of people no longer assume the problem is the person being bullied. And (2) resou..."Brent, yes bullying has gained awareness as a problem, not just something accepted as part of growing up--which is how bullying was perceived when I was a teen. Yet that does not mean things have improved.
What you see in the light of day, in the corridors, classrooms, gym, assemblies, is a fairytale compared to what happens in bathrooms, closets, on the buses, and just barely off school grounds. The district I mention above (if you still live where I think you do) sits smack dab between us. Parents pull their kids out, quit their jobs, and home school their bullied (usually after serious injury) kids just so they can be safe.
I don't know... I guess I am too close to the problem, working with kids dealing with this every day.
That's not "too close", that's close enough to know what really is going on. We need to make it safe, reasonable and effective for those parents to really make a stink about it - to get bullies who do physical injury (at a minimum because that's more measurable) to be charged with appropriate criminal charges so it's taken seriously by their parents, and so on. With cell phone cameras, it should be possible for bullying to be better documented if it could be seen as mutual protection and not "tattling." In fact, one of the things we need as a society is respect for people who bring criminal and inhumane acts to light.We're bad on the adult side - we cover up crimes by football stars, and actors, we call those who expose them "publicity-seekers" and accuse them of dragging down our idols, instead of appreciating that they force our idols to behave like ones. We chase whistle-blowers offshore, and deny science that uncovers uncomfortable truths that might force us to live with less comfort and more awareness. It's a general human failing.
That doesn't mean we can't continue to work on it.
Kaje, this is the reason my fantasy and paranormal stories all deal with the loss of humanity as the downfall of the world, and/or environment. I believe if people do not start taking control of the little things we can change, then what happens in a day, a year, a century, is deserved. A rather cold look, but oh so close to the truth.Suicide prevention and anti-bullying are both issues I dedicate a lot of time towards. Like I said, something as simple as a smile or an easy "Hello" can make a difference to the one on the receiving end.
My best friend also told me about her cousin who came out as gay and was attacked outside his home because he was gay. He was left with a broken wrist and cuts and bruises which in a way made him lucky. But they still bullied him when he did go back to school.
I know my school is much better than most. We accept people for who they are and for the most part there is no homophobic bullying, but I have seen it in my previous schools.
I'm not sure if it's just me who thinks we have a long way to go, but I would love to see what people think. I know it's not just kids, but teachers who are targeted.