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Interests > Dating: Questions and Misconceptions

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message 51: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments First of all, keep praying about it. God always knows what's in your best interest. Another thing I'd suggest is to talk to your parents; they also do know what's in your best interest, even if it may seem like talking to them is the worst thing you could do. As for the friend part, that's pretty tricky. It could be something that could get in the way of your friendship, so tread carefully. If you get the "go ahead" from God and les parental units, then talk to this guy and see how he feels. :)


message 52: by T.C. (new)

T.C. Slonaker | 344 comments Mod
Good advice, Christi! I def. like the part about talking to the parents. ;)


message 53: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments Thanks. :)


message 54: by [deleted user] (new)

Thanks, I'll try it. :)


message 55: by Audrey (new)

Audrey ~AudgPaudg~ (audgpaudg) | 57 comments Yeah. Talking to Mom can be difficult, but try it. :)


message 56: by T.C. (new)

T.C. Slonaker | 344 comments Mod
From a Mom: We get queasy thinking about our daughters having to go through the whole dating thing, because we know there will be heartbreak (or worse!) and we don't want to see you go through that. Because we don't know how to fix it. But, we also realize that you are going to have to go through this sooner than later, and we would love to have you ask us for our advise on the matter.


message 57: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments So here's a question I keep seeing (not in this group, but elsewhere): is kissing a bad thing?
My answer would have to be no. Kissing in general is not a bad thing. But like everything else you do, you have to look at the attitude of your heart and think, "Why am I kissing?"
It may seem like a bit of a silly question. We kiss because we really like that other person, right? But sometimes, our good intentions don't always turn out so well.
Here's a little experiment for you to try: take a piece of tape and put it on your hoodie. Now rip it off. Keep doing this a few times. Notice a difference? This is what can happen. When you kiss someone, you are giving away a piece of your heart to that person, one that you may never get back. That strip of tape that was once completely clear and pure now has some fuzzies on it. We want to guard our hearts. We don't want little fuzzies on them; we want our hearts to be clear and pure like that tape. We don't want to give away those kisses to the people we're not to be with, right?
Back in February, I got my first ever boyfriend. At that point, I had already decided that I wanted to stay single for the rest of my life, but when this guy asked me out, I got so excited. I mean, what girl doesn't like being the object of someone's affections? So I said yes to him, and I went around, announcing to the world that I had a boyfriend to whomever would listen. Nothing could take away my joy at that point. Especially when the dude texted me and told me he loved me.
But it was only the next day where we started to have conflict. I was sitting in choir when he sent me a text that read, "Puedo darte un beso en la boca?" which literally means, "Can I give you a kiss on the mouth?" I was pretty tempted to say yes. I mean, at that point, I was 16 and I had never even held hands with someone before. Many of my friends had already had their first kiss, and I was so tired of not knowing what it was like. So why not?
But there was something telling me no. I had a feeling that God was telling me to stay away from this guy, to not let him kiss me. Because even though I'd prefer to stay single for the rest of my life, I promised myself that if I ever do get married, I would save that first kiss for when I was up at the altar to make it special. I wasn't going to compromise anything. So I texted that guy back, politely telling him of these plans, and we didn't see eye-to-eye on this, so he broke up with me.
And I have no regrets.
Sometimes I thought about asking him to take me back if I kissed him. But then I'd remind myself that that's not God's plan. I don't know if He wants me to remain single or if He wants me to get married yet, but that doesn't matter. The point is that guy was not the guy God intended for me, and I'm glad that I didn't kiss him.
There other reason is that kissing can sometimes lead to other things. Not the sweet and light kind, but the passionate and deep kind. We may think to ourselves, "I'm never going to get myself into that before marriage." But we never know. Sometimes, certain things happen, and we end up getting into something we'll regret. Which is why if you do kiss someone, I want to encourage you to do these things:
1) Pray about it. I have a friend named Shon who, when she was in high school, didn't want to be the girl who dated a ton of guys. So she prayed that the next guy she dated would be her husband. She met her guy in her sophomore year in high school, and guess where they are right now? You guessed it. They are in a wonderful marriage and have three children. Never underestimate the power of prayer.
2) Don't allow your significant other to pressure you into anything, even if it's kissing. If this person tries to make you kiss them, it might lead to them trying to pressure you into something else. Don't compromise. You deserve respect.
3) Make sure that you're not in a place where you'd be tempted to do other things. I feel that one of the best things you can do is to go on group dates during the daytime. It may seem like the least romantic thing to do, but think about it. If you're on a double or triple date at Starbucks rather than hanging out alone with your SO (significant other) alone at their house at nine at night, there is way less temptation involved. Don't let anyone tell you that if you love them, you will do this or that. Love does not equate to anything physical.

I'm sorry for the lengthy post, but I hope this helped. :)


message 58: by T.C. (new)

T.C. Slonaker | 344 comments Mod
Oooo! Christi, that is such an excellent post! I agree with you whole-heartedly. :)


message 59: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments Thanks. :)


message 60: by [deleted user] (new)

Wow, that was really good!


message 61: by Myra (new)

Myra A really true story Christi, I've experienced this. First you think: it's only a kiss, but it's not. It goes deeper and it melts your heart. I've always been an atheist and just started being interested in God a couple of years ago. So when I was 17 I had my first boyfriend and culture says it's normal to kiss and stuff.. If I could go back to 17 year old me I would do things VERY different. I don't say I regret having a boyfriend and he was very sweet, but I do regret not saving myself for that future guy who I can spend the rest of my life with. And with that I don't mean the kissing part.. Maybe my story can help some of you to decide to set personal boundaries.


message 62: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments Hey, guys. What's up?
So I've had another thought. Some girls always ask, "When is a good age to date?" The truth is that it's a rather subjective question. There is no "right" age to date. But before dating, ask yourself:
-Are my parents OK with it? The Bible commands us to honor our mother and father, and they have experienced enough to know what's best for you. They may have a certain age where they want you to start dating, or they may be totally OK with you dating whenever. If they do make you wait, it may seem totally unfair, but just remember that they have your best interests in mind. :)
-Why am I dating? What's my motivation? There was a time where I wanted a boyfriend really, really badly. I mean, what girl doesn't? Finding that guy who treats you like a princess is almost every girl's dream. But then I had to go back and think about why I wanted a boyfriend. Was it because I was ready to commit to a relationship with someone... or was it because I wanted to be loved and valued? I realized that maybe I wanted to be in a relationship for the right reasons, but I think the bigger part of it was that I wanted a boyfriend to love me in a way that only God can.
Just remember to ask yourself these things and you should be good to go. Don't forget to pray about it too. :)

Another thing I hear asked is: "What should I look for in a guy/girl?" I have some friends who have little lists of what they want in a guy. Some of these qualities are huge and include things like "he must be nice to my friends" or "he has to be sensitive," while others are pretty small and are things like "he must like Chihuahuas" or "must have cute little dimples when he smiles." If you have a list of qualities that your future beau must have, it's really all up to you. But the biggest thing I'd recommend is to find someone that truly loves God before anything else. I'd highly encourage that that person shares the same main views and ideas as you so that you aren't, as 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, unequally yoked. My non-denominational Christian friend is dating a Mormon girl and already they've hit some rough patches in their relationship. No, you don't have to agree on every little thing. But if you feel the same way about the big things such as "we can't earn our salvation - we can only be saved through grace," that is a huge step.
Also remember that no one is perfect. We all have our flaws. That's how God created us. And how boring would it be if we really were perfect? God created us to be unique. When I had my list of qualities for a guy, I had things like "must put God first" and "must ask my parents for permission to date me" (yes, I am quite "old fashioned"), but I also had a list of little "bonuses" like "likes cats" and "is a geek." There's nothing wrong with hoping that your future beau absolutely loves anime like you or that they love going for jogs at six in the morning, but don't get upset if they don't. :)


message 63: by T.C. (new)

T.C. Slonaker | 344 comments Mod
That's so great, Christi. I'm printing it out to show to my daughter. She'll be 11 this month, and already she has friends who are "dating." It's good to hear this kind of thing from other young people, and not just from Mom.

And about your last point, just can't stress it enough. The thing I love most about my husband is his love of the Lord. It gives me security that he will always try to do what God wants and what is best for our family, and not just what he wants. One time, in college, I dated a guy who said he was a Christian and in less than month was acting very much NOT like a Christian. It made me mad and not trust Christian guys, so I then really fell for a guy who was not a Christian, and had to realize that his not sharing my values was going to cause lots of problems.


message 64: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments Thank you. :) And yeah, my non-denom Christian friend is dating a Mormon and already they've had problems... I kind of like to watch my friends and see what kind of stuff I can avoid if/when I date.


message 65: by T.C. (new)

T.C. Slonaker | 344 comments Mod
Smart girl. I pray for a wonderful man to come into your life when you are both ready and for a long and happy marriage. :)


message 66: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments Thank you. :)


message 67: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments And your daughter's not alone... I think middle school was probably the hardest point for me, since no one was really hooking up like that in elementary school. High school is the same - everyone is still getting together - but the amount of PDA is 10 times worse. >.<


message 68: by T.C. (new)

T.C. Slonaker | 344 comments Mod
Life will be much better after high school, as long as you make good decisions now, which you are. So fear not! I go on Facebook now to see people I went to high school with, and it is good to see that for the most part, we've all grown up. But I agree, middle school is so hard, and I would never want to go back to being in high school again! (And I was even the cheerleading captain!)


message 69: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments Ha ha, I hear you. I love hanging out with my friends and I love marching band, but I am so excited to get out. Only one more year. :D


message 70: by T.C. (new)

T.C. Slonaker | 344 comments Mod
You can do it! God will bring you through!


message 71: by Christi (new)

Christi (trumpetchick) | 309 comments Thanks! I'm hoping... I already had to do summer school. XD


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