THE Group for Authors! discussion
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Why does it seem like authors hate each other so much?
Kevin, I've been writing a long time and let me tell you, the Amazon forums aren't the only place authors can be nasty to one other. Which is a terrible thing, IMO. Some writer's/critique groups can be horrible, especially to new writers. Their can often be jealousy and undermining behaviors. The main thing is to find good people and authors, they're out there, and avoid the negative ones.
Just remember that writing is basically a lone activity and unless a writer has been able to gain a balanced view of themselves and their work, they tend to be overly sensitive and competitive in a bad way. And yet, the best way for new writers to learn is from older, experienced writers. It's a catch-22. I've meet many of both. If I get any bad vibes from a writer, I avoid them. However, if I get good vibes I do whatever I can to foster good relationships and help.
"Why do authors hate each other so?"1. Because some of them think that books about vampires and unicorns are the pinnacle of the English language.
2. Because if it weren't for the other 100,000 novelists, it would be a lot easier to publish.
3. Because if I don't hate them, who will?
4. Because those other bastards are overly sensitive LIARS.
5. 'Cause they make more money than I do.
6. 'Cause their books get movie deals and magically become blockbuster hits like "Maximum Overdrive"
7. 'Cause Harper Lee writes one damn book and is immortalized, probably forever, while nobody remembers who wrote the first 37 books in The Executioner series.
8. 'Cause when I became a starvin' artist, I didn't expect to have to go without food, and just look at those other authors, all fat and sleek and bright-eyed. It's enough to make ya puke...if ya wasn't starvin'
9. 'Cause...um. I got nuthin' else.
Jon
Author Behaving Badly
I agree with Jacqueline that the isolationism of authors can affect their ability to be a team player. Some authors believe that they are intellectually above other authors and look upon them as competitors. Once a doctor told me that you can tell how well you are doing by the criticism you receive from your contemporaries. I've learned that there are those that take the opportunity to criticize, using derogatory and often nasty statements, others. Since they are not able to rise above, they want to lower others to their level. The best way I've found to respond is humor. Rebuttal fans their flame, non-response allows others to see how small some people can become.
As for me, I believe I'm in this world to learn from others and in turn help others obtain their goals. Greatness is achieved by helping others reach their potential, not by using them as stepping stones.
Kevin wrote: "Hey everyone. I'm new to Goodreads--well, in truth I'm new to being an author altogether. I realize this topic may perhaps invite some hostility, and if my words cause any offense I apologize in ..."
Kevin - I don't think it's that authors hate each other, but it's more like a need to come across as being better than the rest. Saying something mean and hurtful is easier to do when one is hidden behind the anonymity of a computer screen and an alias. I've come across very nice authors and reviewers on Goodreads and Authonomy and have made many friends.
It's true that Authonomy can be quite vicious. One needs to be thick skinned on that site. No matter what site you visit, it's up to you to pick and choose whose opinion matters most to you. Even bad reviews are okay as long as they are given with respect and honesty.
Kevin - you wound me to the quick. I live and breathe satire...and I have the one-star reviews to prove it!
Jon has had the audacity to put in writing what all authors feel from time to time. As I once said of myself, 'There's nothing as bitter as an unpublished author!' As a self-published author I have come to realise that, despite the fact that the whole industry depends on our input, we writers are at the bottom of the heap. We have to beg for crumbs from publishers, reviewers, bloggers, and now even readers who are reluctant to even pay out the price of a cup of coffee to read your book. When you feel at the bottom of the heap you do tend to lash out and as there's no one else beneath you it has to be at other writers. Writers do need to recognise this in themselves, and despite what we feel, we should refrain from putting it in writing. 'Do unto others' as the Good Book says, and none of us like being on the receiving end.
I look at it this way: People don't hate me; they hate my writing. But as my book doesn't have feelings and won't respond to their insults, they try to make me the bad guy. Actually, a lot of what might seem as very negative content is actually not that bad, but since it's pointed to our work--work we sweated over--it can seem as if it's terrible.
I've had people review my book saying it's slow to start, is boring, has too many things going on, and so on. These are all fair criticisms because this is what people think and feel after reading my book.
If they're inaccurate, for example, saying my character was unbelievable because he created a helicopter from a pair of skis and a lawnmower engine, then I dismiss it as false on the facts.
Hang in there. Step away from a review if it stings. It's only an opinion, and even a stinging comment can contain some truth that will help you with the next book.
And no matter what--keep writing and working on the next book.
My experience, which isn't much: I didn't like the atmosphere at Authonomy. But then I blamed that on the publisher setting up the site as a competition between writers. I didn't want to be in rivalry with fellow writers (for a grand prize of crossing a publisher's desk -- demeaning idea if you ask me). I have stayed away from Amazon as I have heard it's rough and tumble and just gets you into hot water.
On Goodreads I have been happy. Not that there haven't been troubles, but here I have found fellow authors to be friends with.
I haven't experienced that. Other authors have been supportive of me and I've been supportive of them. Another author set up a book signing for me and gave me suggestions for setting up others. Other authors have reviewed my books and given me decent to very good reviews with a lot of thoughtful comments. I've connected via facebook, linkedin, and here with other authors and we link to and support each others' pages and announcements. Maybe my experience has been unique, but I've found other authors to be my greatest allies.
Kevin - good show! You got a reader to devote a HUGE amount of time and effort in a destructive review. You should bask in the afterglow, knowing that her time could have been used more productively. Time is not our friend. It is the same brick wall towards which we all hurtle, author and reader alike. But you and I have the distinction of knowing that were it not for our writing, another human being might have missed the opportunity to express their opinion with a frothy punditry that no doubt consumed a sizable (and non-refundable) spoonful of their allotted lifespan.
They might have used that time to find romance, conceive children, transform an epiphany into a medical breakthrough, sway the course of a nation, or get drunk. Surely these choices will come their way again. God couldn't be so cruel as to allow them to squander their talents, their reputation, or their biological clocks to such an unproductive end.
Any reader of reviews will tell you that love and hate are the same emotion. They thrive on outside influence, dictate the next response, and force us to reveal the extremes of our own nature. As long as you continue to inspire, you are alive. Only when your work is viewed with indifference can you ever claim to be a failure as a writer.
Jon
Author Behaving Badly
You know, I read that message and it sounded pretty general. Look at it again. If that poster changed the names he/she could slap it into a review of other books. What I'm getting at is although the person said they read half way through them, I doubt it. Nothing was specific as to scenes, like when Jack and Melissa went to the blah blah place and blah blah happened it didn't seem believable because.... None of that. I'm glad you moved on from it and continued writing.
As a newly published author, I see I was lucky to park myself on Goodreads and enjoy the camaraderie found here. I haven't participated on the other sites mentioned and probably won't. I'm shocked by the venom in that critique. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad to hear you feel it's made you stronger though. Good for you. I think we can judge the value of a critique by the person's intention. If her intent were to give you constructive criticism, she would've been saying things with the purpose of helping you improve as a writer or helping you identify weaknesses in your story you may have overlooked. Isn't that why we want critiques? To see if things are working the way we've intended? Instead, her purpose seemed to be to crush you into the ground with the hopes that you would never write again. Not to mention "freeing" your "poor little pets." What on earth? Your words must have super strength to coerce otherwise intelligent people into blindly following you! Heaven help us if you ever run for president. We'll all be at the mercy of your spellbinding words! Honestly, I think you can dismiss out of hand every word she wrote. You just can't trust the evaluation of someone like that. If any of those issues are legit, it'll come to your attention in other ways.
I went to your page and see your first book has 143 ratings with an average rating of 4.80. That's fantastic. You have a lot of people rating your book highly and that speaks for itself.
I avoid the Amazon forums, there are strange people there. I have found some very nice author groups here and at Facebook. My favorite group consists only of 14 people and we help each other almost on a daily basis. It is a very cosy and supportive group.So, they are out there, the nice authors. You just need to find them :).
There are authors that are the Simon Cowells of the literary world while others are Stephen Tylers.
Kevin wrote: "Stephen wrote: "I look at it this way: People don't hate me; they hate my writing. But as my book doesn't have feelings and won't respond to their insults, they try to make me the bad guy..."Yep, this is brutal, but needlessly so. I can't figure why the reviewer has decided to make it personal, using "you" and "your" quite too many times.
At best, you chalk it up to experience, you thank them for their time (she took a long, long time to review your book, which shows involvement), you glean what you can--and you move on to the next thing on your list.
I've had reviews of my book along the lines of "Well, it's no [book x]." Well, yeah. It wasn't intended to be [book x]. Or "I read this to [x} and she didn't like it." Well, yeah, not everyone will like it.
Those reviews are just reviews, and provide little insight.
I get reviews like "The character of [x] is charming, but in the end the character is overwhelmed by a too-complex plot." That I find informative: keep the character development, but work on streamlining the story.
Accept the review as a marker, then move on. And understand that anyone can write snark. Anyone has in them the power to strike and possibly wound.
But no one can hurt you in their review unless you let them.
Kevin, I don't know who you write for, but if you focus on negative criticism, it will ruin your writing. My advice would be to find an editor or a very knowledgeable friend and get feedback from them. The only other option is to ignore everyone and just write for yourself.As Jon states (and there is great wisdom in his satire) there are far too many reasons for one author to dislike another author's work. I should also point out that in most cases when someone is moved to take the time to respond to a post in a forum it is because they have an opposing viewpoint to a comment made or the subject of a thread. My comment here, of course, is not included in that list.
Kevin, there are always two types of criticism on offer: constructive and negative. At all costs, ignore the last one. It is never genuine and you can't learn anything from it. Only engage with people who try to help you, not drag you down to their level.
YIKES! I'm so sorry to hear that there are other authors out there making unconstructive comments/reviews. Why can't they see that we're all in this together, and the more we help each other, the more we all thrive? So far, I've had great experiences in the Amazon Discussion Boards as well as here on Goodreads with other authors who've been so very supportive!
Ok I'm Late to the party so let me throw my two cents in. Excuse me while i get into Character... Ok Haters are everywhere not just on Amazon, or other forums, even here on Goodreads you will find them too. The trick is to have a good Hater/BS meter to weed out the wheat from the chaff. Find your authors you like, trust, and can learn from and go with that. Remember the first rule of writing "Not every one is going to like your book." oh and number two "Negative reviews sell books too." Not so sure about that last one. There are a lot of us out here that are willing to help but you got to be able to take the good with the bad. I am not saying that you are not able to do that i'm just stating the point. And remember there is always something left learn. No one knows it all...
Pauline wrote: "Jon has had the audacity to put in writing what all authors feel from time to time. As I once said of myself, 'There's nothing as bitter as an unpublished author!' As a self-published author I have..."Responding to Pauline's earlier comment--The irony is that most readers feel that authors are higher than them on the food chain; therefore we automatically have to be more professional, etc. We you couple that with all of the above frustrations and stresses... well things tend to get out of hand quite often. There's a definite disconnect of perception between authors, readers, reviewers and the industry of publishing.
Most readers tend to believe writers are in a rock star position.
Most writers wish they were a rock star. Or at least making rock star money.
Some readers/reviewers have made it their life's mission to knock author's from their perceived rock star position (real or not).
Most trad. publisher/agents think writers are annoying divas to be pumped for material.
Most writers are so desperate to be liked/regarded/recognized for their brilliance/achievements/writing/etc that any publisher/agent that talks to them often can get away with murdering their bank account. This goes for reviewers pandering to writers as well.
All writers are so desperate to be published they're jealous of those who are, but there are those who take it to the next level and become vicious and undercutting. With self-publishing, exchange published for selling/good reviews and you have the same problem.
It's a horrible, horrible cycle of pain, but anything worth achieving is worth fighting for, so you have to be strong and find the good authors and readers and continuously put good karma in the world while protecting yourself as well as possible.
Kevin, I have had one of these. The best advice...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
It took me a few days to get over mine. But, I've found such a great indie author following now, I don't pay attention to the bull.
I agree with Frederick..
"As for me, I believe I'm in this world to learn from others and in turn help others obtain their goals. Greatness is achieved by helping others reach their potential, not by using them as stepping stones."
I love helping out other indie authors. I love hosting them on my blogs and learning more about them.
Hopefully, you and others won't get discouraged by the other Authors. (Note the A...)
--Jill
www.prideseries.com/blog.html
Kevin wrote: "Frederick wrote: "I agree with Jacqueline that the isolationism of authors can affect their ability to be a team player. Some authors believe that they are intellectually above other authors and lo..."
Jacqueline you hit the nail on the head. Its true that many readers think we are well paid. In fact many of us are anything but. I refer to myself as and independent Author and when people ask what that means I tell them I'm a Starving Author. I make less on my books each year than a fry cook at McDonalds. Am I jealous of published authors? Yes and No, Yes because I think if I had a Publishing house behind me I would be selling better. and No because they are expected to produce and I can be afforded to take a month or two off if I can't string things together. I also have the luxury of shelving a project if it just isn't coming together. This is a painful yet rewarding career. You need to have a thick skin at times. But you also can bring entertainment and joy to many people.
Thanks, Stephen. I agree. We're all starving authors/artists, especially if we're at the beginnings of our careers. The irony for me is that I'm been serious about my writing for over 25 years. I decided to take the leap into self-publishing last Nov, so I know that I've still got years ahead of me before any real return is seen. I'm already in my 40's, but you know, at this point I'm just grateful to finally find an audience professionally and have a few dimes thrown my way. I've already build up a small fan base, which I started over a year ago.All the thin-skinned crap, I got over that years ago. I do my best to shift through the good and bad critiques and reviews and keep learning as I go.
Kevin--you have to remember the old saying, 'Too many cooks spoil the broth.'
It's important to be aware of bad reviews so that you can learn, but sometimes it's just someone's crap opinion and is to be ignored. As was earlier said, find 1-3 people in your life whose opinions you trust and who won't hold back. Run your work past them. Listen. Learn. Improve.
If the majority of your readers don't say what that reviewer said after you've done this, then I would ignore it. Majority rules.
I avoid the Amazon forums. Went there a couple of times and ran for the hills.I look at it this way - HELPFUL feedback is, well helpful. Use of too much passive voice, inconsistency, that sort of thing. But telling people they can't write or they are a talentless moron is not helpful.
No one is perfect, all books have errors, some albeit small and someone won't like your characters, cover, title, plot, use of term, whatever. Sometimes people simply don't enjoy a book. But there is no need to be spiteful about it. As the previous poster said it is often simply someone's opinion.
I wish other authors all the luck in the world. If their book sells more than mine the well done to them. Even if I thought the book was rubbish. Being nasty to another author is going to achieve nothing for me.
I have found most of the other authors here supportive but yes sometimes authors can be spiteful. It may simply be a particular author is simply not an especially nice or cooperative person.
I am sure your work is great but I know what you mean.It always makes me laugh on the KDP forum when someone puts up a book and whines after a week they only 2 sales. Well really mostly it simply doesn't happen that anyone will get loads at least not at first.
It isn't just authors with big egos. There are people like that in all walks of life.
Maybe I've just been lucky, but I honestly haven't run across many mean-spirited authors. In fact, I've had fun making connections with other authors on Twitter and Goodreads. Yes, many of us are looking for that same elusive reader, but hey, real readers don't just buy one book! I've certainly had my share of doubts, and the people best able to help me through that have been other authors, like my critique partners. Build a relationship with a few other authors you respect and don't worry about the rest!
S.J. wrote: "Kevin. The doubt monster. yep I met him, many of us have. It stopped me writing completely for over a year. what changed? Someone gave me faith.
I published my book 6 months later.
Found many amaz..."
Most definitely, there are going to be people that like your book and some that don't, but that is a reader's choice. I have found that most of the "Experts" who told me I had no talent or some such thing had not even read any of my short stories or my novel. Amazing! So, my feeling is that an "expert" and is a non-reader for the most part.
K.A. wrote: "I haven't experienced that. Other authors have been supportive of me and I've been supportive of them. Another author set up a book signing for me and gave me suggestions for setting up others. Oth..."Great news.
Let's face it: the whole lot of us can be a bit crazy, lol. And I've never met a good writer who wasn't a bit weird in some way or another. I'm as weird as a boat load of Space Marines on the river Styx. And no you can't copy that, it's mine.
Hey Kevin,I'm a new author too (about to publish when the cover art arrives) and I found your post very interesting. I believe 'Rachael's review was what in online fandom terms is called 'flaming' - sounds like she was more interested in making you feel bad than writing a proper review or being helpful with her critique...
I've been a fan-fiction writer for several years now (for fun and practice)and fan-fic writers are a very friendly, supportive bunch as a rule. TBH when I decided to take the leap from writing fiction based on other people's characters to my own I was more than a little worried about how supportive other writers might be... but I suppose as in every walk of life you will get friendly, helpful folk and those who don't give two hoots for anyone else. I like the way Goodreads encourages friendly discussion and hope to have a long and friendly relationship with and to be part of this community.
I've just ordered the Kindle version of your book because the write up and the reviews made me think I would enjoy it, and I will of course review once I've done so. You've had lots of great reviews so I'm glad you didn't let that stinker get you down for too long!
Jon, I HATE you.*pauses for a few mintues*
That doesn't feel right.
*pauses again*
Jon, I LOVE you.....that feels much better.
It is statistically proven that loving people lengthens your lifespan. So, start loving Jon. I need you to be around so we can "beat up" Nick together. Speaking of Nick, I wonder hy he isn't posting in this thread.
Since everyone is talking, I'll add something besides my forbiddence romance with The Author Behaving Badly. I am a self-published writer at 17, now 20. I am working on my debut novel and I am always surprised, when people who have never read your work trashes on you. I mean, I knew for sure that this person hadn't read it, because I didn't release the book yet and she was saying how terrible it was. People will always be liars and ruthless. It is in some people's nature. It does not mean that we have to get down to their level and bicker with them. That just makes it worse and somethng for everyone to talk about.
Kevin wrote: "Elaine wrote: "Hey Kevin,I'm a new author too (about to publish when the cover art arrives) and I found your post very interesting. I believe 'Rachael's review was what in online fandom terms is ..."
You're very welcome - it's always good to make someone smile! :-)
Nick's busy recovering from a virtual crumpet overload...
Darlene wrote: "Maybe I've just been lucky, but I honestly haven't run across many mean-spirited authors. In fact, I've had fun making connections with other authors on Twitter and Goodreads. Yes, many of us are l..."Nice words. That's been my experience too though I've seen some of it on Kindle Boards. Very little here so far. For me Goodreads and Face Book has given great connections and a lot of encouragement.
Oh, right. Sorry, Nick. Shouldn't have made you eat so many virtual foods. *smiles*Jon, whatever do you mean? *innocent wide eyes*
Interesting thread. I remember posting something in LuLu forums and getting a nasty message about how horrible my book cover was. He went on and on about how it disgusted him. He then went on criticizing my author profile bio. I was a bit shocked at first and then I went to see his blog and saw that for the 15 books he had for sale, all the book covers looked like he made them himself using a freebie software. I took the high road and posted a response saying that I appreciated his critique. Then I never posted or went to read any of the forums in LuLu again.
Life's too short and I don't need any crap from anybody. I write and film to hopefully entertain people who are interested in my work. I listen to constructive criticism and flush out anything else.
I feel sorry for "Rachel" who spent so much time bullying and belittling Kevin in her "review" of his work. She obviously has nothing better to do in her life.
One thing to note... this behaviour is not isolated to author forums. I am following a film making forum and there are a number of loud mouth posters who think they are God's gift to film making. They constantly disrespect other filmmaker's work and make snide remarks when newbies innocently ask for feedback.
I don't bother posting or following forum threads that allow online bullying. I would rather spend what little time I have in good forum environments with other talented people who think before they post. I have enjoyed the posts here on GoodReads and will continue reading/sharing and commenting.
Anne-Rae wrote: "Interesting thread. I remember posting something in LuLu forums and getting a nasty message about how horrible my book cover was. He went on and on about how it disgusted him. He then went on criti..."Oh Anne-Rae I got a message like that too. I admit my cover was not ideal, but at the time it was the best I could do with no money. I suspect it may have been the same person and I too went to his books and thought, "well they are awfully generic and unimaginative." Now had he not been so unkind I would probably have though "meh, bit boring but hey." I very nearly removed my book from there and I even got a PM from an author telling me not to be "enthusiastic" in helping people because I was new and I gave some advice, reitterating what someone else had suggested. I thought that was very rude. I am not the only person to find the Lulu forums inhospitable.
It can be annoying when people don't search the FAQ but a gentle "you can find the answer here" works far better than "you are just a lazy idiot and this has been answered before 1 million times" or responses along those lines.
I was almost in tears after being on the lulu forums. Now I am past caring and have actually switched to CS, although not entirely for that reason.
Everyone is new and nervous at some point and sometimes it is just easier asking for help. There is no need to be spiteful. If I don't like a book I don't like it, but I wouldn't say the author is a talentless jerk or dis another author's book to big mine up. No one is perfect, no book is perfect.
One person's meat is another's poison.
To an extent I agree. I can't stand Twilight, but it has done well. Ditto for 50 shades of grey but again it is very successful and so those authors are doing something right. Just because I don't enjoy them doesn't make them bad books in other people's eyes.
Ego and professional jealousy mixed with insecurity.
I hate all of you. You are nothing but a bunch of liars who'll stop at nothing to bring the other person down. Just wait till I'm through, you'll wish you were back at the other site.Oh wait, I have the wrong forum. I thought this was the anger management forum. I'm sorry.
Well, much like my anger management forums, you'll run into others at the Authors forums who are jealous and put down anything someone else does that might seem like competition.
I wouldn't totally dismiss Amazon or Createspace or any of the other forums. I've come across many who are willing to give a helping hand.
No matter where you go, you'll run into those who say "go search google you nincompoop" and others who'll say "here's your answer".
Much like there's some here who hate Mark Twain's work, some people will hate yours. Some may hate you because your name is the same as their last boyfriend, who broke their heart and so they take it out on you. I have one person here on GR who gave my book one star, without even reading it simply because I say a few bad things about his home town. I've had one person on Amazon who did such a good job of helping me with my pitch that he bought the book himself, prompting others to do the same.
I recommend you continue using the other forums. Just be careful where you tread, and avoid the angry 'you stole all my readers' types.
Jaq wrote: "I haven't witnessed much animosity between writers. There is the occasional troll (writing a book doesn't guarantee being a good person any more than having children guarantees being a good parent)..."I write and hang out with the Christian writers and have been amazed at how everyone seems to help each other when comes time for promotiion or even needing an answer. I can't think of a time when someone didn't give me a link to where to find an answer if it was too long for an email.
Diana
Omar! Does the name Adolph Gamesh ring a bell? It should. He told me that he bought your book a few minutes before he tried to order mine, but you charged him 25 cents too much and he didn't have enough to buy any of my books, so he bought a bag of chocolate covered almonds instead and ate one and choked and died. My book wouldn't have done that. His blood is on your hands. I hate you.Your good friend,
Jon
Omar! *points at Jon* I found the type!
Kevin wrote: "Diana wrote: "Jaq wrote: "I haven't witnessed much animosity between writers. There is the occasional troll (writing a book doesn't guarantee being a good person any more than having children guara..."Not a stupid question at all! I belong to American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) While all are most likely Christians not everone writes for the CBA (Christan Book Assoication) and all genres are represented.
I happen to write for the Christian market--historical and contemp. romance and I also have a nonfiction book marketed for Christians.
I hope that helps.
Diana
Kevin wrote: "Diana wrote: "Kevin wrote: "Diana wrote: "Jaq wrote: "I haven't witnessed much animosity between writers. There is the occasional troll (writing a book doesn't guarantee being a good person any mor..."Kevin, I love curious people. :) I don't rely on 'sex' but that doesn't mean the 'sizzle' can't be a part of a Christian romance. Think of it as "The Hunt" the hero wants that woman and he will do what he can to make her his, then when he wins her (the marriage, proposal -the book ends.
I think there will always be readers that want the details of ertoic but for me it's not romance. I think the erotic sells more but for myself I'd rather not write it to get more money. It's not something I can do as a Christian or a woman.
So my answer is, it can be done writing romance with out gatuitous sex. Example Julie Lessman's Passion Most Pure took the Christain market by suprise. She writes with lots of sizzle but it's good. My sizzle is at a differnt level than her's but it's there.
Diana
Kevin, you could also equate 'sex' with 'passion'. I write sex scenes in most of my books, but what I generally prefer is a slow build up of passion, thereby making the sex scenes worthwhile. Books with mainly sex is erotica. It's possible, though I can't honestly say since I've never read your work, that you're not putting enough passion between your characters. P&P has a tremendous amount of passion without sex because the characters are passionate people. Austen wrote very well and had strong dialogue between strong characters making sparks fly off the page. She had no experience with actual sex and it wasn't the custom for ladies to write as such, so she didn't have sex scenes. But she didn't need them either. On can write romance without gratuitous amounts of sex, but you had better have amazing characters, strong dialogue, good plot and passionate, tense scenes between them to make up for it.
I have always loved meeting writers and being able to share ideas and information. I've not had hostility from any writers to date but only learnt alot. But then, I've also not been on Amazon forums.
Again, it might be the forums or the situation, it's a bit hard to say from the information given.
I guess like anyone, writers are humans too and you always get all kinds :)