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Week 266 (June 21-27). Stories. Topic: Building Blocks
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Title: The JourneyAuthor: Deepak Charles
Word Count: 2794
Part 2:
As Lizzie left the two alone, she managed to mouth “text me” to Ana who gave a slight nod. Ana now said, “Now, you were talking to me about story telling. And drink up. She makes the most amazing coffees.”
Charlie took a tentative sip of his coffee and found it to be true. Sighing he replied, “Yeah this is heavenly.” And he didn’t continue. Ana waited for a minute before she cleared her throat to catch his attention. He looked at her and said sheepishly, “I love a good coffee. Sorry about that.”
“Now if I remember you were asking about why it’s not exactly easy to write a story. Well, let’s take Legos. You can’t build the Lego Death Star without all the parts can you?” Charlie looked at Ana expectantly. She caught his look and grinned, “Nice example you have there… nerd.”
“Well, I’ll have you know I speak from experience Miss Bartender,” Charlie retorted. Ana laughed, “Charlie, you’re looking at a trekkie here. So you don’t have to worry about going overboard with the nerd stuff. I just wanted to see how you’d react.”
Looking a bit flustered, Charlie responded, “Don’t make me go down the “geeky and proud” road. It’s one I do not like.” Still laughing, Ana said, “Look, get back to talking about stories, you. Don’t mind me. Although I have to say, I’m enjoying making you all bothered.”
With a theatrical sigh, Charlie continued, “Well what I was trying to say is that creating a story is like solving a puzzle. You need everything on the table and even then without the right instructions or the right parts at the right places it will be easy for the entire thing to just fall apart.”
“Characters, plots, settings and everything in between and everything I’ve missed are all these ‘parts’, these building blocks of the story. A romantic comedy without a proper character falls apart. An action movie without a plot is just another mindless movie. I could mention examples and go on forever.”
“The thing is that even with the right building blocks, it takes the best architect to come up with the best structure for a particular combination. The best characters and the best plots do not make for a good story unless there’s someone who can put it all together and I hope I can write a story that can be put like that.”
Ana was pensive as Charlie finished his soliloquy. She waited for a moment before she spoke, “What you’re saying is that a writer can write the story like you put together pieces of a puzzle, like how you build a house out of blocks. But I have always felt that you need to have something in your heart, something that makes you tick, and something that wakes you up in the night to write. Passion is something I feel a writer sorely needs.”
Charlie smiled and to Ana it seemed like it was the first time he had smiled during the entire night; the smile seemed real. “Well Ana, I think unless you have that passion, to tell the world a story, to weave a tale that you think would enrapture the world, you wouldn’t think of writing in the first place.”
Ana laughed, “That makes sense. So do you have one? A story that you think you want to share with the world?” Charlie’s face turned a bit serious before it broke out into that smile that she had seen before, the one that seemed genuine. “Well, it depends Ana, how much time do you have?”
Hi everyone! It's been quite a bit of time since I've posted an entry. Finals week sort of mutated to become Finals month. And finally classes are over but internship has started and so I hope I can get back in the saddle now. As always, feedback would be lovely.
Deepak wrote: "Title: The JourneyAuthor: Deepak Charles
Word Count: 2794
Part 1:
“Oh man! That was hilarious! I’m feeling light headed dude!” said Martin as he tried to compose himself. He was at the bar with ..."
This was too cute. Some great dialogue and a nice basis possibly for a full novel. Do you have the time and the inclination? I'd read it. I myself have written the odd rom-com in my time...
Zach: I can't say I'm familiar with Pygmalion, but I still enjoyed your story. Your characters felt realistic to me, their conversation natural. But I was most impressed with the care you used in creating that open ended conclusion. Great job!
Garrison: I love how you opened up the story with a fairy tale-esque atmosphere, from the animals in the woods, the quaint dorm room, and even your characters. At first, Kathryn reminded me of Ariel from the Little Mermaid the way she exudes innocence, then there was sort of a Beauty & the Beast moment when she sees the Lego room, and then we find Billy like a lost boy in the woods. Your transition into the social commentary fit the rest of the piece. I loved your set up and thought this story was very endearing. :)
Edward wrote: "This is wonderfully written - it feels like it could be part of a much larger story. Maybe one day you'll write it! I'd like to see how the non Earthlings convinced them to allow their animals to be taken away. They must be pretty trusting to believe the word of a society that clearly sneers at their very existence. "Thank you, Edward! I pictured the Earth in this story as one that had been bled dry and laid to waste, with its remaining population weak and without influence in the greater universe. Because of humanity's disdain for Earth and all it stands for, I imagined a social movement where they rescued the dying Earth species by force, maybe even razing the last outposts of civilization on Earth in the process. But then, this was mostly just subtext in the back of my mind as I wrote. Who knows, maybe I'll develop this storyline more in the future? Thank you for the feedback, as always.
Deepak: I love the angle you took on this prompt. Your characters were likable and they sound like people I would be friends with. The only thing I have to say is that the tone of your story was extremely light, but it felt drawn out, especially during the dialogue in the middle of your story. But that might just be me. Overall, a sweet piece though.
Deepak wrote: "Hi everyone! It's been quite a bit of time since I've posted an entry. Finals week sort of mutated to become Finals month. And finally classes are over but internship has started and so I hope I can get back in the saddle now."I know exactly what you mean! My internship started right after I finished my finals in May and I didn't find any time to write stories until four weeks in. Life has a habit of getting in the way of hobbies.
Angie wrote: "Garrison: I love how you opened up the story with a fairy tale-esque atmosphere, from the animals in the woods, the quaint dorm room, and even your characters. At first, Kathryn reminded me of Ari..."Once again, Angie, you make me feel all warm and toasty inside with your loving feedback. I wasn't sure of my own story at first and then you made it all better again. Thank you so much! :)
Nadia: That was quite the twist, I was not expecting that at all. I liked change in the nature of the building blocks, going from something that made the boy happy to something that was used to hurt him, sort of signifying how Miranda had changed. Also it was nice that the twist did not come out of nowhere in that there was foreshadowing to her true nature and while I really wish that she would get better, the shift to show her true character was pulled off superbly!Edward: Great story. Also, don’t mind the science, even the scientists get it wrong sometimes. Although, speaking as an engineer (I wanted to be a scientist as a kid), I really wish Dr. Mahajan hadn’t done killed Aja. What he should have done is to take samples from her to see what was actually wrong before he did anything because destroying her also destroys the source and possibly a way to prevent the infection or the next test (if there would be one). The more analytical side of me thinks that (Feel free to ignore it :P)
Marie: My mum always says that most people don’t know what happens behind the scenes when raising a child. As Garrison said, thank you for sharing this. Slightly icky (although I have to say I love the last line of the story) but it was a nice read. You said that it’s partly true which I think would lend this the quality of being the story you’d say years later and laugh about it.
Garrison: That was a touching story. It made a more of an impact on me because I know a few people who have been through something similar, having been forced to go down a career route they don’t like. It’s always very hard to see. We all need someone like Kathryn sometime in our lives. Also, she has shades of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl and that is a good thing because it makes her feel more realistic. Also I read a comment where you mention TV Tropes. (Yay! Fellow troper!)
Zach: That was a great read and one of the more poignant stories I’ve read! Silence speaks volumes and you used that to the best effect. Thank you for sharing that amazing story!
Angie: I always love good dystopian science fiction. It was a great read but there are a few things I have to say. First of all, I have so many questions and I think the others also have them. A follow up to expand the universe would be awesome! Your take on how people have changed mirrors Isaac Asimov’s views. I remember one of his works where there is discrimination because of the characters’ home planets. It’s sad to think that this might be where we’re headed to if we don’t change. Also I have to say this (the science geek part of me at least), perpetual motion cannot be achieved in this universe, ever. It is a violation of the laws of thermodynamics and so if we’ve cracked perpetual motion, there’s literally nothing that is unsolvable. Although, this is assuming that the story is set in our universe.
Edward wrote: "This was too cute. Some great dialogue and a nice basis possibly for a full novel. Do you have the time and the inclination? I'd read it. I myself have written the odd rom-com in my time... "This is the first time I've attempted something like this. This genre is not my forte at all. When I thought of the idea it felt like the start of a movie. So I felt that there could be a continuation to this. About the novel, inclination? Definite yes. Time? I don't know. Now that I've written it, I hope I do get the time.
Angie wrote: "Deepak: I love the angle you took on this prompt. Your characters were likable and they sound like people I would be friends with. The only thing I have to say is that the tone of your story was ..."I know what you mean. The first "draft" didn't have Lizzie in it. And then I realized I'd been basically writing a setup similar to Before Sunrise with writing. That's when I decided to change it and I knew it was going to be a hit or miss. I didn't mind it since I decided that if I was ever to continue it I'd be doing changes to the structure a bit. I know that if I write it I won't have the two talk about writing for the entire novel like they do in Before Sunrise but I sort of had the urge to change it then. And boy do I agree with life meddling with hobbies!
Deepak wrote: "Garrison: That was a touching story. It made a more of an impact on me because I know a few people who have been through something similar, having been forced to go down a career route they don’t like. It’s always very hard to see. We all need someone like Kathryn sometime in our lives. Also, she has shades of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl and that is a good thing because it makes her feel more realistic. Also I read a comment where you mention TV Tropes. (Yay! Fellow troper!)"It feels good to know that my labor of love is appreciated by the Good Reads community. Thank you so much for that detailed analysis, Deepak! I'm glad this had a personal effect on you, but at the same time, I agree that going down an unenjoyable career path is heartbreaking.
Deepak wrote: "Nadia: That was quite the twist, I was not expecting that at all. I liked change in the nature of the building blocks, going from something that made the boy happy to something that was used to hur..."Yes, it is slightly icky but that's why it's so funny to me! Thanks for the comment!
Deepak, thank you for your wonderful feedback and it's great to have a fellow geek here. I know that with what we currently know about science, perpetual motion is impossible, but I love the idea of discovering something completely unexpected that would change the paradigm completely, and make theoretically impossible things possible. It's more of a mental exercise.
Author: Deepak Charles
Word Count: 2794
Part 1:
“Oh man! That was hilarious! I’m feeling light headed dude!” said Martin as he tried to compose himself. He was at the bar with his friends and they had been listening to a funny experience that had happened to one of his friends, Charlie. His other friends Alex, Dean and Rachel were all around on the table; Dean was doubled over and Alex and Rachel were laughing their heads off with tears in their eyes.
Charlie surveyed his friends; Rachel had almost recovered, when he decided to finish the story. “And that’s the hard way to make an omelette.” Rachel heard this and went into a laughing fit again as did the others who were on the brink of recovering. Charlie’s showmanship did not go unnoticed. He had seen the bartender glancing their way a lot and when he had made eye contact with her, she had smiled. Looking the state of his friends, he decided that that would be the time to get their refill of beers.
Charlie walked up to the counter and tried to catch the bartender’s attention. She saw him and slowly walked up to him. “Hey there Mr. Storyteller. What can I get you?” Charlie smiled and replied, “Four beers and a glass of water please.” As she walked over to the refrigerator to get the beers she asked, “Not drinking today? Designated driver duty?” He chuckled, “I am the driver but I don’t drink.”
“Well, here you go. Four beers and a glass of water. A paper napkin just in case,” she said as she set them on the counter. “Thank you very much, miss,” said Charlie as he picked them up. “No problem cutie. The name’s Ana by the way,” she said with a wink as she walked to attend to the next customer. Charlie picked up the beer bottles in one hand and the glass in the other when he noticed that there was something written on the napkin. It was a phone number with “Call me” written on it in red ink. A blush arose in his face but he was quick to compose himself. He picked it up and walked back to the table.
“I bring the gift of beer! Herald me as the saviour!” Charlie announced as he set the beers in the centre of the table and he pocketed the paper napkin before the others noticed it. Martin and Alex took the beers while Dean who was red faced from all the laughing and the beer moaned, “When will they get here? It’s been forever since I’ve seen Pete or Sarah or any of the others.” Rachel heard his grumbling and pounced on this like panther. “So is today the day we’re going to hear your anguished declaration of love for Pete? Are you going to tell him that you love him with all your widdle heart?”
Dean was blushing furiously and was about to retaliate when Charlie intervened, “Oh Rachel, if only I didn’t have anything to say about a little girl and her cos…” Rachel leapt off her stool and stood facing Charlie, “Don’t you dare finish that sentence Summers!” Charlie was smiling, “Calm down Rachel. You know I wasn’t going to say anything else.”
Rachel glowered at Charlie for a moment before she sighed, “I know. Don’t remind me about that. I know the guys here know it but I just don’t want anybody else to know.” She sat down at her stool and Charlie felt a bit bad about bringing it up. He took a beer from the table and offered it to her. She looked at him for a second and got it from him. “Well as an apology, tell us another story. I think that would make it even.”
Dean who had recovered a bit, was the one who spoke up now, “But, he didn’t say it Rachel. Come off it.” Charlie noticed the other guys entering the bar at that time. He waved and called out, “About time you got your butts here. Over here you idiots!”
Ana had been watching the commotion out of the corner of her eye. She smiled to herself as she saw more people enter since she figured that they had a get-together of sorts. She realised that it was getting close to the weekend rush and started preparing herself for the increased influx of people. She stole glances at the group as rush hour hit but she was surprised to see that Charlie wasn’t being as charismatic as before. She looked at the clock to see that it was 15 minutes before Emma, her co-worker got here.
Like clockwork, Emma came up behind Ana in 20 minutes and poked her in the back in her usual trademark way. “Mum and dad say hi. I don’t like being a messenger for the twerp but Rick asked me to tell you that he has the new Pokémon game.” Ana had gotten used to this way of greeting and chuckled, “Tell them I say hi too. And don’t be a wuss about little Rick. He’s a good kid.”
Emma rolled her eyes, “Stop it. You’re giving him more reason to be a big show-off.” Ana laughed and stopped herself when she remembered Charlie. “Hey Emma, I’m calling in the Steve favour.” Emma was surprised, “Steve? Really? Something that important? Okay, never mind. Tell me everything later.”
Ana was grateful as she changed into her clothes and she made her way back to the bar. The bar was full of people but she remembered where the guys were and so she pushed and prodded the people out of the way as she walked towards the group. She saw Charlie sitting silently amongst a group of 7 around the table. She waved to get his attention but he didn’t see her. She manoeuvred her way behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.
Charlie was bored of the people at the table who were sharing stories about how they had done something amazing at work and basically trying to one-up the other. He was looking for an excuse to leave when he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned to see Ana and perked up. She leant forward and whispered, “You look bored. Wanna head out?” He nodded vigorously and left the table without letting the others know.
“Well Mr. Storyteller. It’s time you introduce yourself to me. I’d like to put a name to your face,” Ana said as soon as they exited the bar. Charlie chucked, “The name’s Charlie Summers. Although I have to admit, I liked the nickname a lot.” Ana smiled, “Well, I like names better. So Charlie, what got into you back there? An hour back, you were charming everyone and now you were completely silent?”
Ana turned to look at Charlie who had a sad look on his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask anything that you wouldn’t want to talk about to a stranger.” He shook his head as if to clear it and said, “Oh you’re fine. It’s just that I’m not exactly good with a lot of people. I like my nights out with fewer people than today.”
“I know what you mean. So what was today about? I’ve been working here the past month and I’ve heard about you guys and we did sort of meet in a way over the past three weeks. So, I know it’s your regular haunt but tell me more.”
“Well, we were all classmates. The five of us you saw earlier, we live around this part of the city. So we hang out every weekend and the other guys join us every month. It’s been a few years since we finished college but we force ourselves to come and meet the others. We’re like family but family sometimes is boring. That’s when you caught me,” Charlie finished slightly sheepish.
Ana smiled, “I knew there was something about your group. It felt nice to watch. Also I take it you saw the number?” A small blush came to Charlie’s face and Ana was quick to note that. “Yeah, I have to say, this is the first time that’s ever happened. I sort of kept my face when I took it but... yeah.” She took a minute to process it. “The first time? Don’t pull my leg Charlie. A guy like you probably can charm the ladies.”
Charlie laughed now, “I’m flattered Ana. I’m just a regular guy. I just like telling stories and I think you caught me at a time when I did that.” Her curiosity was kindled now, “You talk as if you do that for a living.” He shrugged, “I write as a hobby but I work as an analyst. So I get a lot of free time to think and I found I like to tell a story and so here I am.”
Ana’s interest was piqued now. “Well, I guess I was right to give you that nickname. So what sort of stuff do you write?” Charlie was silent a moment before he replied, “Well, I write fiction. I’m working on stories and I actually have a novel that I am working on but it’s still in the early stages. I have the main outline but I have to build it more.”
“Build it? What do you mean?” Ana asked.
“Well, it’s kind of hard to explain when we’re walking with no direction. Did you have any plan when you stole me away from my friends?” Charlie asked, with a grin.
With a wicked grin Ana replied, “I was thinking about another bar.” She could see the worry on his face when she continued, “I was only joking silly. I know a coffee shop that’s around the corner. We’ll go there. And don’t worry about the time, I know the guys.”
Ana opened the door and waited for a second for the barista behind the counter to react. The barista didn’t look up from her phone and she said, “Didn’t you see the sign? It’s almost closing time. Come in only if you’re getting a coffee and leaving.” Ana stifled a laugh as she said, “Lizzie, are you this cranky all the time or is it just because it’s late?”
The barista, Lizzie looked up from her phone to see Ana with a wide grin at the door and Charlie behind her with a slightly apprehensive look on his face. Lizzie let out a small scream and said, “You ass, you should have said that it was you. Come in love, come in. And who is this you have in tow?”
Ana and Charlie walked up to the counter. As she gestured towards the other, she went, “Lizzie, Charlie. Charlie, Lizzie. I met Charlie at the bar and thought that we could share a coffee here. You don’t mind do you Liz?” Lizzie grinned as she mock scolded Ana, “How dare you ask such a thing of me Ana? As punishment go and sit while I get my special coffee for the two of you.”
Ana nodded obediently and led Charlie to the nearest table and sat him opposite to her and gestured for him to talk. Charlie cleared his throat and said, “Well, I’ve been here only a few times and I haven’t had the chance to meet the Lizzie Whitaker. I only know her by her reputation as the sass master.” Ana laughed, “Yeah that’s Liz for you. She’s famous that way.”
Lizzie walked up to them with two cups of coffee on a tray and put it on the table, “Here’s your coffees. I know it’s quick. Don’t think it’s like this all the time. It was lucky that I had already made some for myself. Also, what’s this I hear about me being famous?” Ana chuckled as she said, “Charlie here has heard of your rep as the sass master Liz.”
“Oh has he now?” replied Lizzie as she turned to face Charlie. He did a double take and stuttered as he said, “I’ve only heard of it Miss Whitaker. I wasn’t saying that being sassy is wrong or anything.”
Lizzie’s face turned stern and for a few seconds, it seemed like Charlie was going to get the trademark sassing when she broke out in laughter, “You got a good one this time, love. You should have seen his face. It was like a puppy that ran into a wall.” She faced Charlie now as she said, "I make exceptions for Ana’s friends, Charlie. And call me Liz. The sass is more of a gimmick that the owner likes. So if I can be a bit rude and get away with it, I’m perfectly happy with it.”
Lizzie clapped her hands together, “Anyway, I’m off. Jim asked me to stay a bit late and I’ve stayed for a longer time than he had asked for. So I’ll close shop. Don’t worry Charlie, you guys can talk for as long as you want. Ana has worked here, so she knows how to close the shop and Jim won’t have a problem with that. So have fun you two.”