нєαтнєя & Aηgєℓєηα :)

[E M M A]

Awww hahaha boxbaby hugh finally got his first kiss!!! Excuse the fsngirling but this is fab

[angelena.]

Lol, those were like my exact thoughts when I was writing that post. xD xD xD

[E M M A]

Hugh leaned his cheek against Liva's soft fingertips, each blink sending a few more salty drops down his clean shaven face. It was that touch again, the one that made him feel weak inside, the one that turned him to mush. He could be the toughest hard ass on the planet sometimes, but Hugh had a feeling that Liva would be his one kryptonite. She made him... better. The scoffing or pitiful looks over his past never came, nor did the uncomfortable fidgeting. Liva had seemed to ponder what he had said, slowly turning it over in her brilliant mind, while her hands caressed his cheeks. A sharp pang dug into his side, as he realized what he was giving up in allowing for Liva to do this. To let her in. He was giving her full rein by becoming vulnerable to her- she had blackmail now. While he was somewhat regretful, an immense weight had been lifted from his heavy shoulders, his extra unnecessary baggage fallen off with a flick of Liva's fingers. Just like that, and he felt easier. Lighter.

"Thank you," Hugh had whispered back, his breath hitching as he became entranced by her gaze. She had those mesmerizing blue irises that were easy to get lost inside of, and the shadows that danced about her face made her all the more hypnotizing. His cheeks felt hot to Liva's touch, her cool palms soothing his burning skin. Peace. He had peace in his mind and in his heart. A thundering pulse dwindled back to normality, the violent tremor of his hands having ceased the within moments of the tender strokes. Just like that, and Liva had him strung up by his heart strings, like some puppet she could twirl any way she would have wished. Never had Hugh subjected himself to something as dangerous as this. Was this love? Having someone to wipe your tears away and understand you?

Was this the big thing that Hugh had missed out on all twenty odd years of his life? A woman's mild affections, her benevolent nature? He'd never had a mother, nor a grandmother, nor a crush, an older sister- females had always been exotic a sense. He never associated with them often, nor had the oppurtunities to interact with them on a day to day basis. When he'd revealed to Liva he'd never held a girl's hand before, he knew from her bewildered astonishment that that couldn't be normal. He couldn't have been more unprepared than now for when Liva leaned in. He didn't fight her as her face came dangerously close to his own, her soft breath on his nose. Instinctively, Hugh had shut his eyes, holding his own breath in mild panic. His thoughts were just a unorganized variety of paranoia and hysteria.

Then she kissed him.

She kissed him, and it was as if all his mental capacities had flown out his ears. Hugh had no idea how to kiss, he'd never been taught, nor had he paid much attention to those couple who expressed their adoration with excessive PDA. It wasn't Hugh's thing, and he never could have guessed that his client, the princess of Denmark, would have kissed him- ever. His body just felt numb- something exploded inside his chest. His hands had subconsciously moved to her waist, loosely wrapped around her petite torso. She was significantly shorter than him sitting on the pesky hammock, so he had no option but to crane his neck for convenience. Hugh did try not to be a slob, moving his inexperienced lips as minimally as he could manage. He forgot to breathe. He forgot how to breathe.

When he finally gasped for air, his chest rising and falling with the rapid beat of his nervous little heart, Hugh was speechless. He'd tilted his head away from Liva just enough so he could breathe, resting his forehead against her own. The cool night air blew a tickling breeze down his neck, a cricket sonewhere faintly chirped his song. And Hugh didn't feel... angry anymore. He didn't harbor so much... hatred, so much vile and bitter disgust. It didn't mean that he forgave his boss for what had been done to Hugh's reputation and his feelings, but Liva had put a big fat bandaid over the horrific gashes that scarred his deformed heart. "Liva," Hugh whispered softly, sounding dazed, stunned, and confounded all at once. "We can't..." he began softly, his stomach plummeting from his giddy high. "I can't- I'll get in trouble," Hugh finished lamely, retracting his hands into his lap with restraint and disappointment.

Whether he and Liva were best friends, lovers, or whatever it all even meant, Hugh could not be given the satisfaction of getting close to the princess without suffering for it. The king wouldn't have Hugh making out with his daughter at any costs, it would ruin the family's reputation! It would embarass Liva, for sure, and moreover, Hugh was bashful. His boss was right, as much as he hated to admit to it. Who did Hugh think he was to think he had a chance with royalty? With someone so beautiful and compassionate as Liva Nordskov? Before he could really register what he was doing, Hugh kissed Liva's forehead- a timid act of recognition for his attachment to Liva.

"He'll find a way to see that I get the one friend I have taken away from me. You know he'd do something like that, he's already tried... I can only be your bodyguard... no more of... this," Hugh's voice wavered, he didn't even know what he was saying. The words sounded flat and automatic- Hugh was already fed up with himself. He wanted to live his own life for once, without being overshadowed. He would be an outright liar to say he didn't like Liva in some extent, and that much of the awful truth was becoming apparent in his mind. Half of him refused to acknowledge it, the other half screamed, fought for it. What was he even to do in this situation? Liva couldn't save him if he were physically removed and replaced on duty. The idea of some other pervert in his place, alone with Liva, his client, perturbed him to no end. If it happened, just because he was careless or wanted to follow his premature heart instead of his head, Hugh would never forgive himself.

[angelena.]

She had never kissed a man like Hugh before, someone so timid and inexperienced, but the kiss made Liva’s heart flutter just the same. She wasn’t the time to become giddy over things like kisses, to let her heart trip over itself at the silly thought of girlish romance. But there was something about the feel of Hugh’s lips against her own, about his hesitancy In returning her kiss or making motion of any kind… Something about it all that made her heart warm, that made her nervous as well. Liva was no longer in control of her actions when she let her hands slid down from his cheeks, her palms coming to rest against his chest. She could feel his own hands come to meet her waist, holding her gently to him.

“I - I’m sorry, I - “ Liva had no excuse for her actions. Her cheeks burned as they separated from each other, Liva staring up at Hugh with startled eyes and flushed features. Her throat tightened, her stomach turned over and over on itself. She hadn’t… she hadn’t meant to kiss him. The plan sense the moment she had arrived was to loathe him with every fiber of her being, to despise everything he was and stood for because that’s how she felt about authority figures. “Hugh, I…” What was there to say now that their lips had collided, now that she had crossed that boundary between business and pleasure that she had so carelessly toed before. It wasn’t as though Liva hadn’t done stupid, reckless stuff like this before, but… somehow this was different. She watched him as he spoke, still feeling breathless as she tried to unravel from his expression whatever must be going through his head right then. We can’t… The words cut through her like a knife, severing whatever small flame of hope had rested within her chest.

They couldn’t. Hugh was her bodyguard, the agent assigned to protect her, hired by her father. And Liva was a princess, a foreigner, the future Queen of Denmark. They couldn’t… but couldn’t what? Liva hadn’t planned on kissing him, and she certainly hadn’t planned on… feeling anything for him. Feeling anything akin to these emotions made her want to squirm inside herself, to disappear into a bottle of something strong. Liva didn’t feel things for anyone. She didn’t have time for anything real, didn’t want to ever risk feeling something real again… But Liva had no intention of a fling with Hugh, did she? The very thought of this being something else terrified her to no-end, maximized by the fresh sting of those old wounds Silas had left her.

But still, the thought of being pushed away like this did not set well with Liva. It felt like losing. “No one can see us, Hugh - “ She protested immediately, taking his hand in hers. “No one has to know.” Know what, she wasn’t sure. Liva wasn’t sure what she was doing, or why the thought of leaving here and pretending nothing had ever happened hurt so much. It shouldn’t have. In fact… Liva should want to turn around and play pretend for the rest of her life, just as she had always done. Liva felt fear begin to rise up inside her again and she quickly dropped his hand, shaking her head as he continued on. “Hugh, I…” She had no excuse, again. What was wrong with her? What was causing her to act like this so suddenly? “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to… But Hugh, it doesn’t have to be like that. There aren’t any cameras here and we can - “ But then Hugh kissed her head, ever so gently… And she knew. As she tried to figure this out in her mind, finally something began to click for her. Hugh felt it too, whatever this connection was between them. That’s what he was acknowledging in that gesture, right? This wasn’t just some sort of fling where Liva would hurt a whole bunch of people without caring… This was an actual person in front of her, someone who she had talked to and gotten to know over the course of the last few days…

Someone she cared for, despite her not wanting to admit it for the longest time.

“Friends?” Liva said suddenly, struck by the word when he said it, struck by the notion that perhaps that was what he thought, the reason why he was pushing her away now. “Fine” She swallowed tightly, shaking her head as she moved away from him. She should just go inside - just run off to her room before she messed things up even worse. “I get it, Hugh. You don’t - you don’t have to explain it to me… I - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… This - this was a mistake…” She stood up suddenly, making the hammock rock at the loss of her weight atop it. Her hands were shaking suddenly as she ran them through her fair hair. She needed to… needed to figure things out, needed to backtrack and get over whatever this was she was feeling. She paced back and forth, all the while telling herself she needed to get back in the house and away from Hugh Miles. But she couldn’t seem to move passed the few feet that surrounded the hammock. “I - I shouldn’t have…”

[E M M A]

Omg

[E M M A]

Hugh was never more confused than he was at that moment. What was he left to think, now that Liva had kissed him? Did this mean she loved him? Did it mean they were dating? No, surely that wasn't it. But what then? Who was he to her, who was she to him? Did he see her the same way she saw him? And what was that fluttering in his stomach? Why was he so anxious? Hugh had so many questions he wanted to ask at once, all of them along the lines of Why? Why me? He had nothing to offer Liva, he wasn't even that nice of a person. So why did she kiss him? For some reason, he couldnt shake the guilty feeling of doing something so immensely, terribly wrong from his conscience. If his boss ever, ever found out about him kissing the King's daughter, Hugh could bet his lucky marbles that he would be out on the streets by tonight.

Skepticism and disbelief leaked into those wide blue irises, his discomfort evident. He allowed her to take his hand, however, stubbornly torn between letting Liva do what she wanted and him doing the right thing. What was the right thing anymore? Sure, no one had to know. But what did this mean for them? Did they have feelings for each other? Hugh didn't even know if he had feelings for Liva. He didn't want them. Hugh didn't want to love anyone. That was the way it was supposed to be; Hugh would remain his lonely odd self, Liva would be the elegant, beautiful princess of Denmark, and the world would carry on around them. When he had first taken this job, he would have never thought himself to be in a compromising position, one that would jeopardize his future. The comfortable repetitive lull of his lifestyle was now being replaced with this chaos- Hugh wasn't so sure he wanted to be a part of it anymore. He didn't want things to change.

Hugh had no words to explain what he was thinking, how he was feeling, except for... dazed. As if it had all been a dream, a figment of his silly imagination. She didn't understand, did she? No matter how hard Liva wanted to convince and persuade him, it would never work out between them. Why would it? This wasn't some fairytale. He gave her a sullen, half hearted upturn of the lips that could hardly qualify as a smile, his kiss ceasing her frantic words. What even was that? Tenderness had never, never been something Hugh was known for. Where did it even come from? He'd been raised and nurtured in a harsh environment, spent most of his time figuring out how to kill people or how to keep his client from being a victim... It was Liva. She had taught him this gentleness, she had shown him sympathy, mercy. All those times she had hugged him, defended him, touched his cheek with those fleeting fingertips... She had thawed his icy, unforgiving heart.

And now, things only got complicated. Immensely. Somehow, saying that they were friends had greatly disturbed Liva- and she immediately rose from his side. The undeniable panic that registered inside of him was unusually urgent, his heart thrumming in his throat. Her tone was hurt, and all Hugh could do was become upset himself. Liva hadn't looked so discouraged in the past week as she did now, her eyes refusing to even glance at him. She said it was all a mistake, but was it? Was them having this moment a mistake? Caught at a loss for words, Hugh, frozen in his seat in the gently swaying hammock, stared up at the princess. He could never forget that crushed look in her eyes when he'd turned her down. It seemed like Hugh could never build relationships- only destroy them.

"No-" Hugh choked out, his outburst a warble in the back of his throat. "No, just wait-!" The hammock squeaked, swinging behind him as he rose up out of its drooped fabric. Instinctively, a hand had shot out as Liva made slight movement to leave him, his calloused fingers curling lightly around her forearm. "Liva," Hugh breathed, scrambling for something to say as a heavy silence settled between them. Realizing his grip on her arm, Hugh shyly retreated his hand into his pocket, toeing the ground as he struggle to find the exact thing to say to her. While Hugh appreciated her affection, or what he hoped it was, anyway, he somewhat wished... she hadn't. It only opened another door to attatchement and tangled emotions, ones that he wasn't quite ready to cope with at the moment.

"I..." he finally spoke up, trailing off as his voice faltered. What was there to say? She told him that he needn't explain, but Hugh was compelled to make her feel at least in the slightest bit better. "Just... don't go... please," he sighed at last, pleadingly. If anything, Hugh never wanted to experience that same loneliness and desertion ever again. Now that he'd lived through something he hoped was a friendship- maybe more- he couldnt bear to go back to square one. Back to isolation. Anyone could see the distress Liva seemed to be in, disoriented by Hugh's similarly confused reaction. "Stay... because I like you," he found himself saying. "You're all I've got, you're the only person who gives a damn about me," he swallowed, "and I don't want... I don't want to leave." The words seemed to spill out of nowhere, blurted in hopes he could save whatever they had had between each other.

[angelena.]

There was fire in her veins, coursing through her, making her skin hot to the touch. Liva, who always fought so hard for some semblance of composure and a carefree attitude, was now frantic. She paced back and forth, running her hands through her fair hair distractedly as her mind raced through it’s options. Go It whispered to her, so, so urgently. And Liva had every intention of going back inside the house, of hurrying up to her room, locking herself within, and never returning to see the light of day. But she had yet to make good on that promise to herself, lingering there in that secluded section of the backyard as though some otherworldly force held her there. “A mistake. This was…” She muttered to herself, thinking how like a fool she was! Liva’s fingertips, however, had found her lips and brushed them gently as she felt the ghost of Hugh’s kiss, lingering their like some bothersome spirit. Her lips still tingled from his kiss, and she wished desperately to make the feeling go away, along with that flighty feeling in her chest. This -- whatever this was -- was not in Liva’s cards. This was not how she did things and these silly affections were not something she could afford in such times.

Because she knew that by caring for Hugh, she would be lost to the flames.

“Hugh, we - “ But he cut her off, rising from the hammock abruptly and reaching out to her, turning her around to face him once more. Liva gasped sharply at the action. It wasn’t the first time Hugh’s actions had went outside of what was socially acceptable. No one should ever grab a princess like that… But there was also the way he sometimes spoke to her, ordering her about whenever her safety was compromised or demanding for her to stop when she pestered him. That was not how one spoke to royalty. No one had ever treated her like an equal before, and part of that was because she had never allowed it. But with Hugh… it was so easy to forget the social distinctions that separated them. Presently, Liva seemed to calm just a bit at Hugh’s touch. She watched silently as he withdrew his hand, watched his face flush with embarrassment and the bashfulness with which he moved. She was struck senseless by how he contrasted with every other person she had ever encountered. There was an innocence to Hugh that she had a strong desire to protect and she realized something with a sudden blast of clarity. Hugh was far too sweet; she could eat him alive if she wished it.

Liva wasn’t sure what she had been expecting Hugh to say, but it wasn’t what came out of his mouth. What he said had her rooted to the ground in an instant. It was so similar to what she had said the previous night, when he had woken her from her nightmares… Nightmares about losing him. “Hugh, you - you can’t mean that.“ The words were acid on her tongue. This… this was a disaster, and one of her own making. She had been a fool to kiss him, a fool to let herself be so reckless. Liva didn’t want to hurt Hugh, she realized. Just looking in her eyes made her feel that she never wanted him to feel even the smallest amount of pain. But she had been careless with his emotions, and with her own, and now she would suffer for it dearly. “Hugh, I don’t - I don’t do this.” She tried to explain rapidly, gesturing madly with her hands as she always did when frenzied. “I don’t like people. I don’t…” She didn’t love people. Liva gave her heart to no one now, not after the way she had watched human beings betray one another for power in her own home. Not after losing her mother who had been so dear to her. Not after Silas had treated her love like a trinket he could look fondly at for awhile and then stow away in a drawer for whenever it might please him to use again. It was those real, terrifying emotions that would lead her to ruin, that would lead to her becoming that fire, that strange, beautiful, powerful, unpredictable thing. No, Liva couldn’t allow that uncertainty, couldn’t follow that path without a clear destination. Her only goal was as it had been for years -- to seek out a different sort of ruin. To lose herself behind so many masks that, at one point, she would no longer exist at all.

“You’re sweet, Hugh… You’re so sweet. But what do you think is? We barely know one another and I - I’m the future Queen of Denmark. I don’t do relationships. I do… “ One night stands. Flings. And then, eventually, whatever her father told her to do. Perhaps one of the realest reasons why Liva did not invest herself in meaningful relationships was because she knew that in the end, she would end up with whoever her father assigned to her, whoever was best for the kingdom. Like everything else, this was not her choice. “I was stupid to do that…. But trust me, Hugh. You don’t… You don’t want me. You don’t want me as a friend. You don’t want me as a girlfriend. You don’t want me as a…” Whatever else they could possibly be. “In the end, Hugh… You’ll only get burned.”

But the entire time during her little speech, Liva had been subconsciously moving towards him, increasing their proximity as though moved by an invisible hand. And as she said the last words, she gripped onto the front of his dress shirt and pulled him to her, locking her lips against his in total contrast to what she had said. The kiss was far more passionate than the last, exhibiting all the frustration and desire that Liva felt in that moment. But there was a bitterness to it, an underlying melancholy that spoke volumes. Because in the end, there would only be fire. And as Liva’s hands moved, twining in his hair and pulling him infinitely closer, she could already feel herself starting to burn.

[E M M A]

Liva's sharp words stung Hugh's cheeks, his heart shrinking back into its pitiful shelter. He fell quiet, unable to muster the confidence to say anything. He had meant it, though. She wasn't just his client anymore, or so he'd thought. He'd begun to consider her a friend, someone he could trust, rely on to pick him back up. Relentlessly, Liva pursued him when he was upset, tried to make the wounds numb with her confusing affections. His mind was muddled- the princess only confused him, and he wanted her to make up her mind. Anger and frustration bubbled in his veins, heartache causing his chest to explode. "But I do," he croaked, feeling helpless and stupid. It was true, if anyone, it was Liva who he liked- but who was he to tell her he had a thing for her? Toying with the lint inside his pocket, Hugh, brooding, ground his teeth while observing the dark floor with sudden interest.

He wished he had gone to his room instead to begin with, locked himself into the safe confines of his room. That was how it should have been, why did he think anything could change? What made him think that someone would love him? Now he'd gone and messed up everything. Everything. Why didn't he just walk away, before it could get any worse? Hugh's stomach knotted, trying not to appear as crestfallen as he was. He'd finally had something he'd silently craved for his entire life grasped between his fingertips, and now it had slipped away just as soon as he'd readjusted his grip. It just... wasn't fair. He couldn't read Liva anymore- the princess wasn't such a wide open book, someone he could see through clearly with his pale blue eyes. Her complexity was just starting to have Hugh give up, his conflicting resolve battering his emotions like some toy.

There was no going back from the straight paved path he'd ventured foolishly off of. Now he was in a gnarled ravine, led astray by the princess and her cruel persuasion. Now Hugh only felt like he was drowning, gasping for air as he barely could keep his head above the water's surface. "Neither do I-!" Hugh snapped. Rather than a harsh edge cutting through his words, it was panic, alarm. He didn't know what was going on anymore- even the darkness in his peripheral was beginning to cause Hugh some mild anxiety. Before last week when he'd first ushered Liva into the SUV at the agency parkinglot, Hugh had never envisioned that he'd be given the slightest chance with anyone. Liva had waved this false hope in front of his face, taunted him with that stupid kiss- and now Hugh felt like he was choking. He felt stupid. If he had stuck to his initial resolve and been wise with his choices, they wouldn't be outside- in fact, Hugh probably wouldn't have had a meltdown either.

Was he like that guy at the bar? Just someone for her to... mess around with? The idea was incredibly difficult to keep down, to ignore until he could wallow in his misery in the privacy of his bed. Maybe Liva had never thought of him as anything to begin with, and he'd just misconceived her gestures. The thought, as soon as it dawned on him, raised his suspicions- and made him feel like a massive idiot. How could he be so stupid, to fall for her traps! Hugh, although his understanding was misconstrued, refused to look at Liva. Instead, he gazed through the bushes at the pool, illuminated in turquoise. He had warned her... oh he'd warned her not to hurt him. Closing his eyes briefly, Hugh shook his head. Hurt... again. It never seemed to end, now did it? What made Hugh such a target? What was he doing wrong? What made him different to someone who didn't know anything about his past? Did the ghosts just scare everyone away?

Her points were valid. They were obvious... and he was the world's biggest ass. How could he have...? It didn't make any sense. Nothing did. Hugh, coming in to this job, he had thoroughly understood their relationship was to be nothing but business. She was royalty, for crying out loud. Her outfit was more expensive than his car, and her family had more power than he could ever dream of getting his hands on. He was a bodyguard . A nameless, faceless bodyguard. The flirtatious princess probably had seen how naive he was, and he'd allowed her to distract him from what his main purpose here was. She had dissuaded him from thinking that he had to keep everything to himself. Now she knew half of his thoughts, of his voodoo with his boss- she had seen too much of him. Now he was just uncomfortable, upset, and cold.

You're wrong. You're so wrong, he kept repeating over and over in his head, his head shaking again in refusal. Hugh didn't want to even hear the rest of what she had to say, because he didn't want to believe it. His mind had completely separated from each other, both tugging him in different angles. Half of him screamed for him to pursue her, snatch blindly in the dark in hopes that he caught on to her sleeve, even if he tripped and scraped his knees bloody and raw in the process. The other demanded for him to think logically, to not be such a fool in believing that a princess would ever have the time of day for him. What happened when she went home? He could count on it that she'd never see him again. Stubborn, Hugh refused to speak up and protest, fearing that he'd say something else to worsen the situation. Because in the end, she was right. He'd only get burned. He knew that, because it happened every time without fail.

Discouraged and depressed, Hugh's shoulders slouched and his eyes looked incredibly exhausted with the creases in his forehead made to look him older than he was. Worn by the conversation, Hugh had merely nodded his head in a feeble manner, trying to ignore a watery sensation behind his irises. He shouldnt have even been upset. What did he expect, that Liva would open her arms and profess her undying love for him? It had been only a handful of days, and he expected her to react as if it had been months? He couldnt have been prepared for the jolting sensation as her fingers grasped his shirt tightly and jerked him forward. Without any time to react, Hugh, cringing, had closed his eyes and braced himself for whatever was to come. Another slap, he had initially assumed, but it never came.

Only those soft, warm lips. She was agressive, kissing him with more passion and fire than he knew what to do with. Her hands roamed his chest before snaking up into his hair, shivers rising across his arms. Just like the first time she'd kissed him, Hugh forgot who he was, passively accepting. His arms wrapped loosely at first around her waist, her body kept Instinctively close to him for comfort. Hadn't she just shot him down for admitting that he had feelings for her? Hadn't she just broken his heart? Was this just another one of her sneaky tricks? Sighing contentedly, Hugh took advantage of Liva's sudden change of mind, trying to memorize every motion knowing he'd never be lucky enough again. Breathing heavy from the sheer overwhelming of it all, Hugh tore his lips away from hers if for but a few seconds.

"You can't keep doing this to me," he whispered breathlessly, closing his eyes again and pressing his lips against hers. He'd adjusted fairly easily to this whole kissing deal, although the concept of putting ones mouth on another still didn't make much sense to him. "Please, I don't understand," Hugh murmured, glimpsing behind Liva as a force of habit. He felt as if at any moment, the garden would be stormed, and he'd be shot on site for his actions. That's how it usually was, anyway. Hugh didn't even know what he wanted anymore. All he knew was that Liva felt good in his arms. And that he was breaking his contract and therefore destroying his future career. What if the cameras by the back door had picked up on the scene, and people were on their way to replace him? What then? Who would be the one to tell him it was alright to be sad, to be angry? Who would be the one to ask him to play board games? Who would he go comfort in the middle of the night because of a nightmare?

Who would talk to him?

[angelena.]

Liva didn’t want to go, didn’t want to forget about this even though every fiber of her being screamed at her to ignore whatever deeper feelings she might hold towards her bodyguard. She was just scared because she had crossed this forbidden threshold of intimacy with someone who was employed by her father, scared because the last time she had felt this way towards anyone, she had gotten hurt. She remembered the way things had been with her and Silas at first, remembered the way he would toss her those easy grins and slide his arm around her waist just to have her near. She had been giddy in the way that all young girls are with first love. She had had smaller, more insignificant relationships before, of course, but those had consisted of partying and make out sessions in dark alleys where cameras couldn’t find her. Just small acts of rebellion against her father, really. But this time… it still hurt to think of that first time Silas had kissed her, of how his hands had gripped onto her hips and how tender his lips had been against her own. Looking back, she could see how false it all was, how he had manipulated her and told her exactly what she had needed to hear at that time…

Hugh was different than Silas. So, so different… Liva had found herself making comparisons between them when she first met Hugh, as Silas had the same darkness to his hair. But his eyes were gray and stormy, fathomless and full of secrets. Hugh’s eyes… Well, she had already established just how much his eyes fascinated her. Liva hadn’t known anyone quite like Hugh, so innocent and yet, so hardened by the world. Every male she had ever known was entitled, spoiled off their family’s money and educated enough to be manipulative. They looked after themselves and no one else. But Hugh had kept her safe, had stayed awake with her last night when she had been terrified to go to sleep, had looked at her with teary eyes when he spoke of an unspeakable betrayal. There was innocence and vulnerability in Hugh, despite that he probably knew thousands of ways to kill a man, despite the fact that there was probably more blood on his hands than he would ever bother to tell her. But Hugh would never hurt her, would he? She didn’t have to worry about him tricking her and breaking her heart….

But there were plenty of other things to worry about, like the fact that if they were found out, Hugh would lose his job and she would most likely never see him again. Her father wouldn’t be pleased at all about her messing around with a bodyguard, would do everything in his power to ruin Hugh’s life. And what could this be? If she entered into a relationship with him, it would have to be cut short when the terrorist threat disappeared and she was sent back home to Denmark, and then eventually, when she was forced to marry someone who would be good for her country, someone who her father saw fit to be a King. Hugh would just be a little speck on her timeline, a name that history would forget ever mattered to her. The truth was, she had no excuse for kissing him the second time, but she could also not resist the action. As she looked into his eyes during her passionate little speech, she had no choice but to close the distance between them again. She needed him, needed his warmth and his comfort. She needed… answers.

“I know…” Liva murmured against his lips as they resumed kissing, her expression near pained despite how good it felt to be near him. Excuses ran through her mind. Of course, they were only kissing because they were both lonely, because they had been stuck with only one another for company for too long. Liva had known that this was a bad idea since the moment their lips had collided the first time, but she had been telling the truth when she said didn’t want to hurt him. That… that was the last things he wanted. But Liva didn’t know how to do this, didn’t know where they could go from here to avoid that pain. She knew what was happening here, even if she didn’t want to admit it. Part of her had known this would happen since the moment she looked into Hugh’s eyes that first time. “I… You think I do?” She countered when she finally broke the kiss. Liva didn’t leave his grasp, though, finding that she needed his warmth now more than ever. It had been so long since someone had held her like this… Liva’s eyes fluttered half closed as she rested her forehead against Hugh’s, her fingers still twirling in his dark hair gently. “I’m sorry, Hugh. I don’t…. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.” Liva had been so careful to not care about anyone or anything since Silas broke her heart, and now… she knew she was most likely just setting herself up for more heartbreak. Liva gave a weak, sad little chuckle, looking into his eyes for a moment. “I hope that was alright for a first kiss.” She tried jokingly, as it was a force of habit for her to lighten the mood whenever possible.

[E M M A]

He didn't know if he should have been ecstatic or upset that he had had his first kiss, and moreover, he had had his first kiss with his client. Who just happened to be a princess. It made the entire ordeal many times worse than it had to be because of her status. With an entire country and several highly authoritative figures behind her, Hugh had no chance to mess things up around her. It already was clear how vital her safety was, since she was the next in line for the throne beside her brother if something were to happen to the king. Hugh, if he failed his job somehow and Liva... died, would be attacked in a matter of seconds. The Danes would come after him with spears, the agency would have him hanged and beaten. The pressure was a lot more than what he realized, and here he was making the worst choices he possibly could.

But, Hugh couldn't resist her. It was as if he melted under her touch, lost the moment her lips met his. Kissing came with such an odd sensation, he didn't quite comprehend how he was supposed to feeling just then. Surprised? Angry? Giddy with that teenage stupidity at the aspect of love? For someone who knew nothing about love, he did crave it. Even if it wasn't out of adoration that she kissed him, Hugh kept telling himself that he could pretend that they were madly in love. Behind the cover of the draping trees, the two were invisible for a while, screened from the harsh realities of both of their lives. Hugh, and his abusive coworkers and unfortunate living situation back home, and Liva, with the awfully high standards and expectations people held for her.

The gentle scrape of her fingernails on the nape of his neck sent chills along his arms, his anxious breathing ragged. He was comfortable with how his arms conveniently seemed to fit on her waist, keeping her as close to him as he desired. It had never been like this- him finding himself having feelings for someone, and the person admitting the same things. It had only been a week or so, Hugh didn't think she could possibly mean it. Her speech about her not being ideal for him, and the differences the two had, had all gone to naught- he hardly could remember it anymore. He didn't want to. All he wanted to keep was this single moment, the only time he had ever felt that freedom and escape, a lift of his downtrodden stony heart. Surely, when he was desolate on those dirty streets tomorrow, the memory would be the only thing to keep him going.

With his neck craned like some freakish giraffe to accomodate Liva's lacking height, Hugh closed his eyes. His heart hadn't stopped thundering inside his rib cage. Heat invaded his hollow cheeks and spread like a wildfire to his neck, the tip of his ears, his fingertips. Despite their shortlived kisses having ceased, it seemed to be a mutual unspoken agreement to remain as they were. With the cool evening breeze kicking here and there, the warmth of the other was welcomed. She had given him a push of confidence- he felt invincible, like he was flying above the rest of the world with her. Not even his boss could faze him at the moment. In fact, he felt inclined to march inside and make out with the princess in front of the first camera he found.

When he had initially met Liva and heard of her flirtatious capabilities he hadn't even considered hismelf vulnerable to her charms. It was why he had been selected to babysit her, due to his heartless tendencies and his lack of response to females. Even he, Hugh, had crippled in her well manicured hands, and Hugh had a few questions of morality for himself. Had he earnestly fallen under her spell too? Was this just her having a little fun with his naivete? Or was this real? Could she really love him, have some sort of attraction to his unbothered blank stares and his harsh tones? It just didn't seem... real. What if it was all fake? Hugh had so many questions, questions he didn't want answered for the fear of discovering exactly what he didn't want to. He couldn't tolerate any more betrayal at this point- it was too soon. Like her, he'd suffered despair over the loss of someone they thought had loved them back.

She admitted to being afraid, but what could he say to console her? Hugh was already having trouble to really pay attention. Her touching had been rather distracting- he wasn't sure if he wanted her to stop, or if he liked the tickle of her fingertips raking through his thick dark hair. He never knew that someone playing with his hair could have felt so relaxing, or addicting either. The words hung in the cold air for a while, his chest heavy with conflict. "I don't know what to do, either. This... this hasn't happened to me before," Hugh mumbled, his piercing irises staring directly into her own gentler blue gaze. "We can't tell anybody, no matter what," he added softly, whispering as if someone would hear them. It was exciting, this act of outright rebellion, but Hugh weighed the two ideas in his hand. What would he rather keep, his job and Liva, or the satisfaction of showing off their special moment and being homeless thereafter, never being able to see her again?

Snorting, Hugh managed a shy smile. Giving her waist a squeeze, Hugh retreated his arms from her waist. It just felt... wrong, he didn't exactly deserve her. "Now I can't die without having been kissed," he murmured, reaching subconsciously for his lips. "I hope I wasn't... too terrible," apologizing bashfully, Hugh laughed nervous. The last thing he wanted was her to think him as a sloppy kisser and never kiss him again. Supposing thst he even did want another kiss. He definitely, definitely, didn't want her to kiss him again. And he hated hugs. Didn't he? Before he'd met her, Hugh despised any kind of unnecessary physical contat. It made him jump, furious, even, if anyone slapped his back, or wanted to shake his hand. But now, now, he couldnt stop the craving of her warmth under his arms. "We... I can't have any more close calls, you understand that right...? We can't talk about this, or even mention anything- they'll take me away from here, and I can't go back..." he trailed off in thought, his dark eyebrows knitted on his crinkled forehead.

[angelena.]

Liva let out a shaky breath of air as Hugh released her, stepping out of her grasp and lowering his hands from her waist. His warmth left her in a wave, leaving her disoriented for a moment. She wanted him to come back into her arms, to hold her to him again and kiss her and -- Dear God. What was wrong with her? Liva’s internal struggle only increased at these thoughts, as part of her acknowledged that this was insane, that she needed to shove these flighty emotions aside and forget this whole thing ever happened. “Not at all.” Liva didn’t smile as she responded to Hugh’s nervous little concerns. Too terrible? Liva didn’t think there was anything wrong with the kiss at all. In fact, there was too much right about it. She hated herself for thinking that, though, hated that the thought of kissing him had ever entered her mind in the first place. She had messed everything up and now all she wanted to do was turn around, run back to her room, and fade away…

Had anything ever hurt this much? Liva couldn‘t remember ever feeling like this. She felt so…helpless. Their entire situation was helpless. It wasn‘t as though they could be together or pursue any sort of fond emotions for each other, provided that was what they felt. In Liva‘s mind, that didn‘t even matter. Either direction they went would lead to pain. Either they could give the relationship a shot and be hurt in the long run, as love could only ever lead to heartache in her experience, or they could have the constant pain of the unknown like a constant ache in their chest. “I - I get it. I won’t tell anyone. Hugh, you don’t have to worry. I won’t let you lose your job -- “But she couldn’t guarantee that no more than she could guarantee that she had solid feelings for him. Liva knew it was reckless of her to even entertain the idea of sneaking around with him. She didn’t want him to be punished for her stupidity, didn’t want him to hurt because she was unreliable and indecisive and so, so good at breaking hearts. “No more close calls…” She echoed, unsure how she felt about that. Liva realized then that she did want to have more close calls, that she liked the excitement and the passion of their kiss moments ago… And for now, that’s all she would let herself believe it was. Liva had been caught up in the moment, that’s all. These weren’t real emotions…

But.

Liva shook her head stubbornly. “What are you saying, Hugh? That we should just pretend this never happened… Are we supposed to just exchange small talk when we pass one another in the hall and act as though there’s…there’s nothing there?” She felt a pang in her chest and continued only to make it stop, her lips moving before her mind could. “Hugh, I can’t ignore this. I don’t want to… What’s the point? God, Hugh, you can’t… you can’t let them control you like this. I thought you were supposed to be some fearless CIA operative, but you’re afraid. Admit it…. I don’t want to live like this anymore, Hugh. I want to live. I want to do something stupid and reckless and -- “ In a way, this wasn’t about Hugh. Liva wanted to rebel, wanted to feel something, anything at all. She had lived her entire life in a gray area, meanwhile her soul burned red and longed for a world of color. When Hugh had made her look down the barrel of the gun, her vision had gone red… She had felt something, had felt power and capability within her. She felt unstoppable and it terrified her. But now… After she had had a taste of that invincibility, she craved more. Liva was caught up in the moment, and just as she had a habit of being, she was reckless.

“You didn’t answer my question, you know. I asked how the kiss was…” Liva stepped closer to Hugh, not content with this sudden separation. It seemed that in that moment she had made up her mind, composed herself and planned a course of action. Her tone made it clear that she was asking much more. Hugh had not, afterall, said how he felt about her or how he felt about kissing her in general. Liva grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards her slowly, coming to wrap her arms around his torso loosely. Her head fell back slightly so she could look up at him. “No one can see us right now, and no one would be able to see if you decided to kiss me again…” She offered him a mischievous smile, but there was something deeper in her eyes… An urgency, a desperation. Liva felt…lost and afraid. If she could just convince herself that this was what she wanted, if she could just lose herself in that chaotic flame for a moment… That was all she needed. That fire could consume her, couldn’t it? And then she wouldn’t have to worry about anything at all. Liva’s arms fell away from his waist, her fingers trailing along his torso until they came to the edges of his dress shirt. She tugged on it suggestively. A distraction. Liva was always one to find distractions. “You can’t live your life in fear, Hugh…” She whispered. “If you like me, do something about it.”

[E M M A]

Debating whether to have hugh freak out or just go with it xD youve saved me frok studying ugh i have so much to do but hughliva>grades lmao but seriously

Did you have anything specific planned for them or

[angelena.]

Lol, that's basically my life right now. There's so much I need to do that I'm just not gonna do any of it. xD

Not really. Like, I guess they could kind of agree to start seeing each other secretly? Or Hugh could freak out like you said and reject her, then Liva would get embarrassed and run off???

[E M M A]

Like i have 3 rps 30 pages of history fineprint reading and a presentatkon and my notes for English all due tomorrow and im like nahhhh

Hahaha aw! I think hugh will cave for now just because he doesnt want to upset her and hes all confused and stuff about life

How much longer are you awake??

[angelena.]

Lol, I have two finals I should probably really study for, a theatre project, and a three page gender analysis essay... And guess what's not happening either. xD

Aww, he's such a cinnamon roll. Poor confused little boxbaby...

Another two hours-ish???

[E M M A]

Cinnamon roll xD okay since hughliva gives me life ill reply now lmaoaoaoo

[E M M A]

There was a throbbing pain within both of them in those words, said with such reluctance on either side as they hung as dismal clouds in the air between them. While it did none but to make Hugh even more upset that he couldnt have what he thought he wanted so desperately, their supposed agreement allowed for Hugh to breathe slightly easier. He couldn't lose this job, especially not now over something as trivial as kissing her. In the least, it had been a spoken, tangible vow that nothing would get out of his control, that he wouldn't be facing unexpected pressure in the future over this matter. Hugh knew that Liva knew that it wouldn't end here. It just... couldn't. There had been such passion, such aching longing in those shared moments. For the first time, Hugh had shared a connection with someone in a several years, and he actually felt good about trusting her when he didn't over think it. Liva had shown him such compassion and affection that he had never known, and it was just too irresistible to pass up her luring offer.

No more close calls. What would he define as a close call, anyway? Would this mean that he'd abstain from her touch under every circumstance, that he'd distance himself as far as he could from her when he was able to? That would have been the wise decision, one he should have made with his head- not his heart. Hugh gnawed the inside of his cheek in frustration of not knowing how to cope, torn between two very radical ideas. In every sense, someone would be hurt in the end. Hugh just couldn't have his way, per usual. Nothing would ever change it, and he couldn't complain. This was just about as good as it would get, he decided, and he had ought to take every last advantage of it- while playing safe inside the lines- before he lost her forever when she returned to Denmark.

Liva had her valid points. It failed to surprise him that she would cross those lines he had so long ago set, that no meant no. Because of her, he found himself lenient on his own policies, and now he was changing- too quick for his comfort. It was as if he were just her puppet, unable to refuse anything that Liva said. Fear dwelled inside of him, fear of himself. What if he lost his grasp with his reality? What if he failed to remember that this would never work out between them, not now, not ever? She was a future queen, it would be impossible. Even if he were to carry on as her bodyguard, Hugh didn't doubt that she would be married off to some handsome, wealthy duke. That was how it always was, and he'd be left behind in the dust. By entangling himself in a web of his own lies, he endangered his fragile emotional state, and only stressed him further than was necessary on top of the rest of it all.

Hugh could hardly hear what Liva was saying, his head screaming at him to make it all stop, to just walk away. Walk away, like you always do. The urge was there, but the will to put down this woman he had unadmittingly come to grow a soft spot for held him grounded. There was definitely something there- even he could feel it. Hugh couldn't just... ignore her. He couldn't go back to day one, where he was able to snarl at her without regret and remorse. Not after... this. Refusing to admit she was right, Hugh stared at the ground, at the space that he had forced between them. He... he was afraid. He'd always been. Even if he put on some tough, I-don't-care facade his entire life, he needed this. He needed what she had given him. A friendship, trust, loyalty, love. For once, he felt like with her around, he was confident again, he felt lighter.

A spark was ignited by her passionate declaration, her voice rising as she became more and more flustered. It made him anxious, too. Hugh was hesitant to speak his mind, because he hated the feeling of being vulnerable, of exposing his private innermost thoughts to someone. Did he love Liva? Did she love him? Could it be, that he wanted to kiss her again, that he wanted her to grab him by the hand? That he wanted to scream at the world that someone did care about him, contrary to what most believed? Just to prove a point? But then what? Hugh's hands itched to place themselves back on her waist, him wishing he had never separated from her in the first place. "I want to live, too, but... it's not that easy, it never is," Hugh began, sounding rather discouraged rather than exasperated.

Oh, how much he would do just to see his boss puff up all red like a blowfish, stomping around screeching at Hugh in his squeaky voice for "not behaving" like he should. But to Hugh, it was more than that. It was Liva. The past week, he had had a brief visit to a world where someone would be at his side constantly, a best friend, and something more. Was that what was meant by a friend with benefits? He was tired of supressing himself, of denying himself to options, to dipping his toes in the waters of oppurtunity and adventure. Hugh couldn't think of a single time he had looked at a girl, a different job, or even a better take on what his life could become. He didn't have any high aspirations, no hopes, no dreams. Living had been painful, dreary, lonely. Now, there was a purpose, if he would take it. Just seize it, claim it his instead of being blinded to its existence.

Stupid and reckless wouldn't get them anywhere but across the world from each other. That would hurt more than anything, Hugh decided, if they were denied having proximity or access to the other. He couldn't even see her, unless he stalked photos of her online and felt terribly creepy afterward for days. This was finally something real- something he could just have. Why was he so stubborn and reluctant? Why did he hate change so much, go scampering when it appeared on his doorstep? "We can't just do anything we want, we have to be careful... I have to be careful," Hugh decided, finally dragging his timid gaze from the concrete floor to her. "I'd rather be around you every day, forced to keep my proper distance, rather than... lose you forever, never play ping pong with you again," he trailed off, slightly irritated by the truth.

He offered a weak, bashful smile as her arms slid with such snake like ease, his heart skipping a few beats just at the electric touch of her hands brushing against his own. With haste, he immediately returned the gesture, content with the warmth she offered against his chest and the tangibility. He was no longer four years old, just wishing, wishing for someone to hold him closely. His fingertips loosely played with the ends of her long blonde hair, his head dipped to search for her sparkling eyes in the dim light. He had to turn his face away and look past her shoulder to hide how shy he felt, the temptation to kiss her again rising then bubbling down in his stomach. He didn't know how to kiss, who was she kidding? Instead, he slowly reached out for her chin, holding it fairly lightly between his thumb and forefinger. He studied her for a minute, before he brushed the back of his hand along her cheekbone. In all honesty, he didn't feel like he deserved her. Nobody did.

With the seductive stroke of his shirt, Hugh felt like the entire situation had spun completely out of control... and he felt passive about it. Contrary to the paranoid panicker he was known to be, Hugh accepted his fate quietly, lulled under a spell of confusion and heartache. Liva's challenge made his chest burn with an outstanding impression for action to be taken, for something, anything to happen. It was far past the point where Hugh would have used his logic and reasoning to craft a response. Now? He leaned forward, grasping Liva's petite jaw in his calloused hands, and blindly kissed her. Again. It just seemed like the right thing to do, but who was he to say? He was knew to relationships. "Nobody can see us here," he murmured against her lips, his blood singing with satisfaction at his bold accomplishment. "I feel things when I'm with you, and... fear, it's all I know. I may seem like the toughest guy, but... I'm scared," he admitted softly to her. "I'm scared of what might happen, of changing."

[E M M A]

Hey angelena if you're not interested in this anymore please let me know!

[angelena.]

(view spoiler)[I am so sorry. I actually kind of forgot all about this. If you don't mind, I think I'd like to take a break from this one for awhile and maybe we can continue it when I have a little more inspiration? (hide spoiler)]

[E M M A]

Alright!