Sharing Your Story / Introductions

[Scott, Fatherless Day Host]

Welcome & Greetings:

I'm know the reason you're here is because you know of my story, written in the book The Ghost of My Father. My tale is a complicated one, as it took until recently, in my own mid-life, for my relationship with my father to completely fall apart.

Of course I can share more of my tale, but here I'm interested in your story. You don't have to explain everything, but I'm sure you've thought about your past many times. Did you know your father at all? What is the first good memory you have of him? The first bad one? And how do you think your relationship with him has changed you? I'm curious and happy to read what you're willing to share.

[Kelsye, Fatherless Day Mod]

Hi all! I'm a moderator in the group with plenty of father stories to tell.

I rather lucked out with my stepdad. He married my mom when I was just three and has been a constant, stable good guy kinda guy. I model my relationships with my own bonus kids off how he treated me.

My dad dad is another story. Brilliant, mad and as reliable as the wind. Some of my best and worst traits come from him.

I'll share more stories in the discussions, and will be posting the questions of the day. I look forward to reading your stories too!

[A.R.]

My father's alive, but he's a neglecter, and might as well be dead. Started out good; he gave me my first taste of beer as we watched the clydesdales in St. Louis, and I was raised a Cardinal's fan; they always have a good team. He taught me how to fight, and I won my first fight when I was five. When the going got rough, though, when I became a metalhead & wanted to write horror, the unrough got running. I'm not even allowed at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.

[Rachel]

What a rare opportunity--gratitude for this forum since talking honestly about fathers doesn't happen much. . . .My Dad is a puzzle to me; he did what Dad's are supposed to do--he was at home after work, taught me how to drive, enforced curfew, Dad stuff. What I've never understood is a kind of distance, a lack of emotional connection. I would ask, "do you love me," and he'd say, " yes I love you, you're my daughter, that's my job." What I missed was a feeling connection which I've thought is just me being ridiculous, like I'm just being silly. All my life, this has left me feeling crazy somehow, like what I experience from him is not really true. . .

[Scott, Fatherless Day Host]

Rachel: A lesson I learned in writing the book was that perhaps my experience of my father had little to do with me. Did he have the connection you describe with anyone else in his life? In my case I don't think he did or does. It's useful to sort out what I want from someone vs. what they're capable of.

[Rachel]

I will see my Dad in a couple of weeks, and I really think what you say is true--as a child, my primal need/expectation that he have the ability and personality to be everything I needed just has to be replaced with something more realistic now that I'm an adult---I have to see him for who he is rather than who I wish he were, what he is capable of really, not what I wish him to be capable of. It occurs to me right this minute that in a way he is still teaching me, because accepting others for the people they are rather than who I wish they were is still something I'm working on.