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message 101:
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tired, yikes
(new)
Jun 04, 2015 05:53PM
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i miss cutting. i know its terribly stupid and selfish and ridiculous and twisted but i do. i think about all the times i went to school with cuts running up and down my arms, my sleeves hiding them and bracelets over top. i'd go to school hiding the canvas of red all over my thighs and... i miss it. i miss three am taking the blade and digging it into my skin... now.. now i can't draw all over myself everywhere. now i can only make little tiny cuts along my hips. i fucking miss my blades and i cannot wait until everyone is done pretending to care about me so i can cut again because i want the blood and the pain again.
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i worked so hard, spent at least 4 months to get my body to be this size and to get these ribs and gap and now im just throwing it away. its so hard to stop but i cant... i need to stop eating again.. i cant just throw all of it away... god.. why... i hate myself for doing this
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so high schoool... im not excited but im not scared but i dont really want to go either bc more assholes to deal with and part of me hopes maybe ill be social and have friends for a change but then i remember im not a social and im mean to everyone and everyones mean to me and i hate people so no :)
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