Baby Got Book discussion
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Everything I Never Told You
Everything I Never Told You
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1. I thought this was a horrible decision on James' part. Although I think his intention was to show James early on that he would likely have to face getting made fun of because of his race/heritage, he also reinforced to Nath that it is ok to make fun of kids on this basis and that "its just a joke." 2. I felt like an outsider fairly often in high school. I think all the members of the Lee family handled being an outside a little differently, but I'm not sure any of them handled it in the best way. I think James went into "overdrive" trying to ensure that even if he was an outsider, his kids would always be popular. I think that James went way too far with this regarding the kids. Hannah, though, just stayed out of everyone's way. I think she knew she was an outsider in the Lee family, and as a result, she made herself scarce and did her own thing. It was devastating to see that Hannah, at such a young age, pretty much knew she wasn't really wanted, and came up with her own solutions to that problem. Marilyn, I think, wanted to be an outsider, or more accurately, an outlier. I think she would have done anything to become a doctor, but I think she wanted to accomplish the goal mostly to be one of the few women doctors at that time rather than for any other purpose.
3. I absolutely think the ability to share would have changed the outcome. I think sometimes you act a certain way, and you don't realize there is anything wrong with it until someone brings it to your attention. Here, I think James and Marilyn both acted completely inappropriately towards Lydia, but because she never said she didn't appreciate what they were doing, they thought their behavior was ok. If Lydia had just told her parents that she did not want to learn science, or that her dad was pushing her too hard to be popular, I think it might have saved her life. It is too much to ask of a young teenager to keep all of her feelings inside to deal with on her own. The parents did a terrible job of keeping the lines of communication open between themselves and their children, and I think that contributed to Lydia's accident and Nath wanting to leave the house so badly.
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1. I'm with Whitney on this. Bad idea. It would have been better for him to teach him to stand up for himself and to reinforce the point that people will not always treat you kindly, include you, like you, or love you, but you can always choose to treat them with kindness and love regardless.
2. I've just pretty much always felt like an outsider. I feel it a lot even now. I'm too liberal for the conservatives and too conservative for the liberals. I'm a Christian but I don't fit in to the church and I certainly don't "fit in" to the world in general, and I DEFINITELY know what it's like to be stereotyped. I've had people completely shut down casual conversations if I even mention that I'm a Christian. They assume that I'll be judgemental or hypocritical, that I hate gays and atheists and anyone who doesn't share my belief in general and it breaks my heart to have that assumption made about me when it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm caught in the middle of a culture war that I want no part of and people on both sides make automatic assumptions about my beliefs, opinions, and motives without ever asking me or finding out for themselves by getting to know me. It's frustrating, to say the least.
I don't think any of the Lee family deal with being outsiders in a healthy way. Hannah hides, Lydia internalizes and becomes the stereotype, Nate pretends he's not the stereotype, and the parents are their own mess. Honestly, for all of them, all they needed to do to deal with it in a healthy way was talk about it with each other and with others. Sure, it wouldn't fix the stereotype that other people placed on them, but it would bring the fact that there WAS a stereotype to light, and that they're each more than that stereotype.
3. I guess I just answered this question in the last question, but yes, sharing would have changed the outcome of the book. Lydia needed to tell her Mom she didn't like science and her Dad that she didn't have friends. Nathan needed to share that he felt like a disappointment and Hannah needed to share that she felt invisible. And Marilyn and James needed to share their mess with each other. It would have changed everything and saved Lydia's life.
1. “So part of him wanted to tell Nath that he knew: what it was like to be teased, what it was like to
never fit in. The other part of him wanted to shake his son, to slap him. To shape him into some-
thing different. . . . When Marilyn asked what happened, James said merely, with a wave of the
hand, ‘Some kids teased him at the pool yesterday. He needs to learn to take a joke.’”
How did you react to the “Marco Polo” pool scene with James and Nath? What do you think of
James’s decision?
2. Discuss a situation in which you’ve felt like an outsider. How do the members of the Lee family deal
with being measured against stereotypes and others’ perceptions?
3. There’s so much that the characters keep to themselves. What do you wish they had shared with
one another? Do you think an ability to better express themselves would have changed the outcome
of the book?