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Writing Contest #10 - Entries
Bath timeEmperor Suds was the ruler of Harweel, an enormous planet in the Andromeda galaxy, and there was one thing he coveted above all else: his baths. You see, Emperor Suds had a nasty skin condition which left him in great pain if he did not take a bath five times a day. Being nearly the size of the Statue of Liberty, Emperor Suds also demanded huge bath accessories to entertain him. When intelligence reported a giant rubber ducky floating in the Sydney harbour on Earth, naturally Emperor Suds wanted this new toy to play with and he gave the order to have the duck brought to him at once – under pain of death if the mission failed.
Not wanting to incur the wrath of the Earthlings demanding their duck back, Emperor Suds thought it best just to wipe them out altogether and unleashed a huge comet from Harweel’s weapon silo. The mission was a go: A landing party would arrive first, steal the duck and take it safely back to Harweel before the comet smashed into Earth and obliterated it minutes later. Emperor Suds couldn’t wait for his new toy.
"And On the Eighth Day"God the Almighty was taking his bath. He ran a little bit more of the hot water and a tsunami slammed across the Tropics. He picked up the loofah and scrubbed those hard to reach areas where the skin was dry and crusted. A serious rockfall launched itself across the Andes. By now the soap suds were starting to thin out, so the snow blizzards eased in the Antarctic. His toy boat drifted along the water and back on Earth the boat trapped in the ice was finally able to move again.
God ducked his head under the water's surface in order to rinse off the shampoo and a cyclone whipped up the Indian Ocean. He examined his beard and pulled out a few black strands, letting them plop into the tub. An oil slick spread across the Mediterranean. His toy duck floated serenely up to him along the gentle ripples of the disturbed water. An outsized duck appeared in Sydney harbour. God was going to give his duckie a push, but he still had the soap in his hand. But being slippery, the soap shot out towards the duck and a comet struck Earth and obliterated all life there.
Fowl OmenThe male duck stood proud at the water’s edge. His plumage shimmered in the warm light; the feather’s bright against the brackish water. He remained watchful, but here he was safe.
The male and his harem enjoyed the incidental protection of the monster. They were smaller than a single tooth in its massive jaws. Its ferocity and hunger kept smaller predators at bay, making this pool a sanctuary for the male and his brood.
As it had a thousand times before the day faded into night. The male didn’t like the dark; dangers lurked in the shadows. As the leader he never showed his fear. But it was there. In the dark even the beast slept, so did the ducks using its heaving flanks as cover.
That night the sky revealed something strange. He saw another light, not as bright as the moon, but stretched and thin. The male’s tiny brain couldn’t comprehend this sight. His fear of the dark was a real thing, a feeling born from experience, but this apparition didn’t frighten him at all.
It was only when the earth rumbled as comet vanished from the sky did he feel fear.
By then it was too late.
First Contact‘We don’t do that “Take me to your leader” crap,’ I was told when I joined. ‘We’re in the business of cultural integration.’ I was fresh out of university and overwhelmed to have made the prestigious training scheme of the world’s most successful consultancy firm. If I’d known that in under three years I’d be field agent for a government contract I’d have turned tail and run.
I only wish I had.
It would be easy to blame the intern who, let’s face it, did all the research. But I was the one who’d written the brief. Friendly, I’d said. Non-threatening. Culturally appropriate.
Oh ye gods!
A crowd of thousands attests to my friendliness. They can’t keep the smiles off their faces.
And I’m non-threatening alright, to the point that a small human child is trying to insert a stick up my rear end. I dismiss all thoughts of eating him, not only because it would be culturally inappropriate but because I strongly suspect I don’t currently have a digestive system.
Even “take me to your leader” would have been more effective. I prepare to say something awe-inspiring but all that comes out is an infinitesimally faint “Quack”.
'The real story behind it going bust'Dennis the duck was swimming idly on the lake one day when he snapped. Oh what I would give for a complete bread roll, he thought. Why do these pesky humans insist on feeding me crumb by precious crumb, mauling each and every piece before tossing it to my webbed feet? Just once I would like it presented to me on a plate with a selection of spreads!
They will never do that, though, Dennis thought. And so he telephoned his friend Neddis, who lived on another planet - Planet Quackers.
‘These earthlings must die,’ Dennis quacked.
Over the next few minutes, Dennis and Neddis hatched a plan to wipe out earthlings. It involved the use of a comet, which would be steered towards earth, using Dennis’s giant inflatable duck as a guide. Dennis repeated the plan several times, for Neddis was often slow to understand.
The day of the proposed comet-earth collision came and went. Nothing happened. Dennis telephoned Neddis and asked what had gone wrong. Neddis insisted it had gone entirely to plan.
Just then, Dennis caught sight of that day’s newspaper headline.
“Oh, you stupid duck, you’ve crashed the retailer ‘Comet’, instead of crashing an actual comet!”
Would a lovely mod please put up a vote at some point? I can send you a list of titles if that helps
These are amazing! I confess I left it to the last minute (as usual) and at the last minute our son came for a couple of days. That was my 'thinking time' up the spout.I'm going to have another read (or two) then vote (when the Mods have their act in gear!)
This ballot is so secret, no one knows how to vote in it :-)
The mods are so useless they've not even...Damn! I said that out loud, didn't I? ;)
I should have been able to find time to get involved with this, but I failed miserably. I'm glad others didn't and will be voting as soon as Ignite's ire has finished raining on the mods.
Ignite's Ire sounds like a fantasy novel (part one of the Forum Trilogy).I don't know which of these to vote for, even if I could. They are all good.
Ok, a useless mod will be on it in a minute
Where is the useful mod? - she's been very quiet the last few days..
Here you go.http://www.goodreads.com/poll/show/78...
Lets try and get more votes than participants :)
6 stories 200 words each, no more than 10 minutes reading time in total folks. Step up, step up to vote!
When I first started the writing contests, I'm a little ashamed to say I voted for my own entry. This doesn't seem very sporting. I take it other entrants vote for an entry other than their own?
I always have. Politicians don't, they vote for themselves but we don't trust them do we?Didn't get around to entering this time though.
I felt guilty voting for my own, so I definitely won't again. Oh, and the time I won, I won by a few votes so it wasn't my vote what won it!!!
Yeah, yeah! Guilt's a negative emotion. Don't give in to it. Either do the right thing or enjoy doing the naughty thing. Oh, dear. Aunty's leading you astray!
Jonathan wrote: "When I first started the writing contests, I'm a little ashamed to say I voted for my own entry. This doesn't seem very sporting. I take it other entrants vote for an entry other than their own?"Stories are posted anonymously. How did you know which was yours to vote for? :-)
Ignite wrote: "Haha! March, you're a caution!"March? ;-)
whoops. January. Posting from my kindle which is jolly hard.
I feel obliged to vote for my own so that it doesn't have zero votes :-)
Ignite wrote: "I always have. Politicians don't, they vote for themselves but we don't trust them do we?Didn't get around to entering this time though."
I think that's a little harsh. I trust my MP. Admittedly I trust him to do whatever is in his own best interest or to follow the party line whatever his constituents want,but it's still a kind of trust.
The useful mod has had a very busy few days as well as Internet problems.The time difference doesn't help, either. :(
Hopefully we'll be switching to a different provider this week.
If everybody votes for their own, then an entry with 1 vote effectively has 0 votes, since the author votes cancel themselves out. Of course you should vote for mine, but the anonymiser means I don't remember which one it is!
I've never voted for my own. Consequently is has occasionally had no votes!
I've voted now. Didn't manage to squeeze an entry out this time but I wouldn't vote for my own.
I have never voted for mine which is why I always get no votes.
Ok, I have been shamed into voting for someone else :-)
Simon and I generally share bottom place - it's a deliberate ploy to make writers feel good. Isn't it Simon? Just say 'Yes Kath!'
Yes Kath. That and my writing is ahead of its time.
Simon (Highwayman) wrote: "Yes Kath. That and my writing is ahead of its time."ahead of pub opening time methinks
Better than his writing after the pub closing time.
I voted too and so did Mr Border Dweller. I strongly suspect that I may have voted for Simon again. If so, does that make me his fan?
Jenny (Border Dweller) wrote: "I voted too and so did Mr Border Dweller. I strongly suspect that I may have voted for Simon again. If so, does that make me his fan?"
his stalker I suspect :-)
come on everyone and vote! Exercise your democratic right and exorcise your demons at the same time for the same price. Bargain.
Jenny (Border Dweller) wrote: "I voted too and so did Mr Border Dweller. I strongly suspect that I may have voted for Simon again. If so, does that make me his fan?"
You'll have to get Mr BD to enter next time. He writes a pretty damned good Short Story.
I strongly suspect that I may have voted for Simon again. If so, does that make me his fan?"his stalker I suspect :-)"
Tomato, tomayto
Phew! Almost missed voting. I couldn't decide when I first read them. Good luck everyone!
I might have forgotten to tell Mr BD about the contest til the closing date. Eliminating the competition, mwa-ha-ha!
Jenny! You are naughty(but I like you);@)How is the next book coming along?
The barman at the Duck and Comet was worried: One of his ducks was missing. As a keen astronomer, he’d been looking forward to seeing the approaching comet for months. And the five giant yellow iDucks had seemed like a brilliant marketing idea: Watch the comet from your own floating duck and minibar. Each duck was fitted with a small pump-jet engine and an onboard computer that linked to a GPS for guidance. Four ducks were tied up at the quayside, but where was number five?
A phone call to Geoff at iDuck Support produced instructions: Run FindMyDuckHD. The barman installed the app onto his iPad and launched it. The familiar maps interface appeared to show a location that was either Tyneside or… Sydney?
Just then the phone rang. ‘I think I have a lead on your missing duck,’ Geoff said, ‘turn on the TV news!’
He did, and could clearly see his duck. It really was in the middle of Sydney Harbour. Only now it was hovering above the water, and a brilliant green ray of light shot up from it into the sky. He was about to open his mouth when every screen in the world went blank.