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Games, Humor, & Fan Art > FUNNY: The best 'Worst' lines to start a novel with...

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message 1: by T.S. (new)

T.S. Adrian (shadyia) | 164 comments This is a re-post from my favorite new writer's forum (The Next Big Writer) posted by TirzahLaughs

(If you can read this and not burst out laughing, you are made of stone:)

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Here are this year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, (aka "It Was a dark and Stormy Night" contest) run by the English Department of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.

The goal of this contest is to write the best BAD opening sentence for a novel.


Winners in reverse:


10. As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

9. Just beyond the Narrows , the river widens.

8. With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

7. Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep...Andre creep."

6. Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved..

5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store.

4. Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.

3. Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

2. Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear"'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.

AND THE WINNER IS...

1. The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"


message 2: by Emy (new)

Emy (emypt) | 67 comments Am I warped in that some of these made me giggle so hard that I want to read the books now? >.<


message 3: by ladymurmur (new)

ladymurmur | 75 comments Emy wrote: "Am I warped in that some of these made me giggle so hard that I want to read the books now? >.<"

Oh, you are not alone! If you are warped, then so am I. :-)


message 4: by Emy (new)

Emy (emypt) | 67 comments ladymurmur wrote: "Emy wrote: "Am I warped in that some of these made me giggle so hard that I want to read the books now? >.

Oh, you are not alone! If you are warped, then so am I. :-)"


Warped love time!


message 5: by C.G. (new)

C.G. (samatwitch) | 110 comments Yes, warped but some of the ideas behind them could be good. I do think number 2 is what a lot of people think when they read about a person who 'laughs in the face of danger'. That one made perfect sense to me. :)


message 6: by Emy (new)

Emy (emypt) | 67 comments Indeed - in fact (possibly because I'm in the middle of Cold Days) it sounds to me almost like a Dresden self-description... :)


message 7: by Corvus (new)

Corvus Alyse (corvusalyse) | 54 comments Emy wrote: "Am I warped in that some of these made me giggle so hard that I want to read the books now? >.<"

I'm with you! Twisted we must be!


message 8: by J. (new)

J. Ellyne (j_ellyne) | 6 comments Hmm, it seems to me these are not BAD openings if they make us laugh. Most humans love to laugh and these openings seem to promise lots of laughter to follow. Number 1 is the best.


message 9: by Amber (new)

Amber (ivorydoom) I think number 8 was the truly worst opening...but it did make me laugh...

mostly in a this is sad sorta way though...


message 10: by Toni (new)

Toni | 66 comments i want to know more about Stanley the penguin o_o hee


message 11: by T.S. (new)

T.S. Adrian (shadyia) | 164 comments Toni: i want to know more about Stanley the penguin o_o hee


Stanley ended up on the BBC:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dfWzp...


message 12: by Ravencrantz (new)

Ravencrantz what books did these come from?


message 13: by T.S. (new)

T.S. Adrian (shadyia) | 164 comments Raven, did you read the OP? Message 1


message 14: by Tonks (last edited Feb 04, 2013 09:05AM) (new)

Tonks | 10 comments A bunch of these are actually compiled in books: http://www.goodreads.com/series/51690...


message 15: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 89 comments I still don't think anything beats the one from last year regarding sadness and shades of blue.


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