Funny Stuff

[Ben, uneasy in a position of power; a yorkshire pudding]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/...

[Alan]

"In the information age, it is easier than ever to gather knowledge about things that should not be but nonetheless are, and such wisdom could prepare our students to be better citizens amid the ruins of sunken cities infested with swarms of ravenous, bloated rats," West said. "Also, I believe that birth control should not be distributed by the guidance counselor."

I loved this paragraph. Hilarious. Thank you, Ben. Now, I can go to work with optimism in my front pocket along with my pens.

[Ben, uneasy in a position of power; a yorkshire pudding]

someone just posted this in the old myspace fiction files:

"I just published my first novel on www.lulu.com the title is Day to Day Situations. Please go and get a copy. You can search by the book title or by my name. “Day2 Day Situations”, is a fascinating character study chronicling the life of a young recent college graduate and her forays into love. The main character, Alicia, has a seemingly perfect life: a college degree, a good and fulfilling job, and a loving relationship with a man she adores. On the night of her graduation, however, Alicia comes upon a man who cause her life to go spinning out of control. Derek is kind, attractive, responsible, and thoughtful. Derek immediately pursues Alicia within the first few moments of meeting her. Alicia blows him off, expecting to never see him again. But upon starting her new job, Alicia discovers that the irresistible man she met on the dance floor at her graduation party is now her co-worker at her new office. From there Alicia’s story spirals into jealousy, cheating, rape, kidnapping, attempted murder and the near death and paralysis of everyone Alicia knows and loves. Throughout her ordeals, Alicia learns a great deal about her family, her fiance, herself, and what type of man she truly wants to be with."

[Patrick, The Special School Bus Rider]

'Alicia learns a great deal about her family, her fiance, herself, and what type of man she truly wants to be with. She comes to the lonely and desolate gray shore where the mad sea foam and rings the rusted silver bell. A lone voice from the village idiot cry out to her from behind, 'R'yleh! R'yleh!' A lone figure wrapped in seaweeds wades from the shore, holding a sopping page a personal ad, with her name circled in red...'

why that's madness, I say, madness!

[[deleted user]]

haha! oh geeeeeezzz. I'll have to check it out. will it knock PFL of the top of the romance chart?

[Shel, ad astra per aspera]

A fascinating character study!

Near death and paralysis! This one must be a nail biter.

Here I was, writing such uneventful stuff. When the key all along was to just write about utterly ridiculous events happening to "fascinating characters"!

[Michael, the Olddad]

“Hr violet eyes dropped and hr smile ran away from hr frozen face as the thought bounced off the walls of hr tighten ing brain. This was Derek sitting right next to her at her neatly decorated office! This was the Derak who had embraced her on the dance floor until her knees turned like jelly. Jelly like she dream of in her hot, mist promising dream like fantasies.”

[Shel, ad astra per aspera]

"But thn she remembered that this was indeed the same Derek who turned the lower extremities of her friends and family to hot puddles of jelly, and that they were suffering from paralysis and near death!"

[Martha]

I have a little whiplash. How does she get from the dance floor to the office to rape and kidnapping and murder and near death and paralysis? I feel like a hot puddle of jelly.

[Orion]

I smell cinema for this gem. Maybe High Grant as Derek? And a little Jennifer Aniston as Alicia? Throw in a quirky pop love song and we have a hit!

[Orion]

Well, Hugh Grant as Derek, even.

[Martyn]

Ben wrote: "someone just posted this in the old myspace fiction files:

"I just published my first novel on www.lulu.com the title is Day to Day Situations. Please go and get a copy. You can search by the book..."

I actually quite like the title of this...it sounds like a French comedy...I like it how she describes Derek as 'thoughtful and responsible'...when she contradicts this immediately making him sound like a dog with ten dicks by 'hitting on her immediately'...I am actually going to read this...at least it will make me laugh...I love how she describes it as spiralling into 'jealousy, cheating, rape, kidnapping, attempted murder'...I'm glad the character learns a great deal...otherwise it's completely pointless.