David Estes Fans and YA Book Lovers Unite! discussion
Members' Writing
>
Share your writing with the group!
date
newest »
newest »
message 201:
by
Jenia
(new)
Nov 27, 2013 10:48AM
I saw. They good. I write poems but usually when i am sad, so most them are sad poems. It way i get my emotions out too.
reply
|
flag
Mod
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...Because I'm a self-advertising procrastinating slob who just happened to stumble across an obscure and good book that I really wish got the attention it deserved.
(deep breath)Here's something I'm trying. It's been in my head for years, so I've made a stab at putting it down. I'd love some feedback if anyone is so inclined to have a look.
https://www.goodreads.com/story/list/...
I wrote this prologue over the summer, and then college started again and I have not written a word. I'm planning on getting back to this one finals are over!http://inspiyered.blogspot.com/2013/0...
a bunch of my short stories are on my blog too :)
Mod
Please give me feedback!I'll put the 3rd chapter up soon!"
Nice! Great start ;)
Both of these aren't completed yet, but they have several chapters (at least the first one), so feel free to give any feedback/criticism :)https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...
Another one (it only has a prologue and first chapter so far): https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...
Hi, ok here is my very first attempt at writing anything other then a birthday card or grocery list so I am nervous to say the least. I am looking forward to your feedback, just hoping I don't cry from it lol. Sorry all mistakes are mine I tried to catch everything. Here goes. https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...
Some poems of mine.Alone
Alone, trapped in a cage of feathers,
So cold the icy wind freezes me to the bone,
The sun has long since faded,
And been replaced by the pale beauty of the moon,
I shiver in my cage of feathers,
I wonder when I shall succumb to death?
Will I die alone?
Will someone find me?
I feel I shall forever be alone,
I wish for the day when I shall break free of this cage,
For the day that I will fly free, and be able to live again,
To fly with others, and to unchain myself from my loneliness,
I hope that day will come soon,
For I fear, I shall die alone
Falling
The world falls apart when you least expect it,
You fall, and fall hard,
People hold their hands to you,
But pull away when you need them the most,
You learn to stand on your own two feet,
Aloof to the world that scorned you,
But you are alone,
You push everyone away,
Afraid of being hurt,
So you are standing in this world by yourself,
And you fall,
Will someone catch you?
Web of Deceit
Trapped in his web of deceit,
Body, mind, captured by his warped love,
Unable to scream, unable to run,
Struggling in the threads he wove around me,
How can I escape from this trap?
How can I break away from this love?
I hurt and I cry,
Desperate to be free,
But like a spider, he paralyzes me,
My glassy eyes staring, enraptured,
Mind captivated by poisonous words,
Free me from this web,
So I may fly free once more
Act of Love
The soft words he whispers to me, delicately tickle my ear,
My lips part, and a small gasp escapes them,
I feel myself smile, my eyes crinkle with my happiness,
It is a secret between us,
This feeling we share,
It was all so new not too long ago,
This warm feeling in our chests,
The never ending happiness we have,
Our hands are intertwined in his lap,
It shows our bond,
Unshakable,
Unbreakable,
Our legs touch and I giggle,
We seem to have the same thought,
We both want to leave,
This place we sit, while beautiful, is not where we want to be,
At last we stand to leave, our hands lovingly clasped
He whispers, one last thing to me before we leave,
I stand on tiptoes to hear, and he bends down to me,
He whispers:
"I love you"
Masks
These two faces of mine
Neither of which are me
Are masks I slip on and off
To hide, my true self away from prying eyes
I am afraid to show myself to the world
The world which has disappointed so many before me
I’m scared
Scared of revealing myself to the world and failing
So I hide
Behind my masks
One of books i am working on. Almost finished with it.You can read more here : http://www.wattpad.com/story/11264834...
Prologue
Madeline.
School is supposed be safe.
Right?
For a while, it was only place that I felt safe at. It was a place that I could escape to. Get away from everything, escape from reality. I always found reasons to stay late. Tutoring. Joining Clubs and sports.
I made basketball team, became the captain. I became staff for the School newspaper. I was happy with way everything was heading.
I had friends.
Till that was taken away from me. Now it was one place that I dreaded going to. It was the last place that I wanted to be at, but I had no other choice.
“What are you waiting for?” I heard my mother’s angry voice besides me, “Get out, I got go to work,” She snapped at me, bringing me back to a reality.
Turning towards her, seeing that she was glaring at me. I didn’t get it. I didn’t get why she hated me this much. How could a mother hate their own child?
“Did you hear me?” She snapped at me. “Or are you deaf?”
“I heard you,” I snapped at her, opening the car door and letting it snap behind me before she had a chance to say anything else. A second later I heard the car speeding away. I watched her till she was out of sight.
Sighing, I adjusted my backpack and glanced towards the school building. I watched few kids go inside, some others come out. There was a couple near the steps, kissing and there were group of girls, laughing.
Nobody seemed acknowledge my presence.
Then a group of cheerleaders passed by me, pushing past me. “You’re in the way,” A head cheerleader snapped at me. I saw her whispering something to her friends. All of them glanced my way before bursting into laughter.
Ignore them. Keep on walking.
Taking a breath and took a step towards the building. You can do this, I tried to convince him and entered the building. The hallway filled with students. Most of them pushed past me and few times I stumbled, almost falling.
I heard whispers when I made my way towards my locker. I knew that they were whispering about me, by way that they were looking at me, whispering, laughing.
Look at what she’s wearing! Where she buy it? From the street?
Did you see what her mother was driving this morning?
She such a freak.
I can’t believe I used be friends with her.
Those are words that I tried to ignore as I walked by them. It felt like every single one of them were watching me. It’s what I had to go through every single day. There hasn’t been a day in the past few months, where they haven’t taunted me in some way.
Slut.
Freak.
Better Off without her.
I bet she sleep with anyone, for money.
Tears started to fill my eyes at those comments. The ones that I promised I wouldn’t let get to me today. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let them know how much their words affected me.
One of football players passed by me, then next moment I was on the ground. Laughter filled the hallway. Tears filled my eyes again as I attempted to gather the books that had scattered all over the floor.
It was getting harder to keep my emotions inside.
I need to get out of here.
Swallowing the lump that formed in my throat, gathering all the books in my hands. There was no way I could get through the day.
“Hey,” I heard a voice besides me. “Are you all right?”
Lifting my head and looking up. I froze when I saw him. In front of me stood the most handsome boy I seen, and he was looking straight at me.
I couldn’t look away.
He had a dark hair that he ran his hand through, and was wearing Keith Urban T-shirt who was my favorite country singer. I always had the feeling that I was only one who loved country. At this point I knew that I should said something, but nothing came out.
I was still trying to figure out why he was talking to me. I heard whispers again, but this time I didn’t care. “I’m fine,” I managed to get out after few minutes of silence passed between us.
He watched me, like he was trying to determine if he should believe me or not.
What is he doing talking to her? Just look at her.
Where did he come from?
Whispers came through hallway, but not once did he turn around to see what was going on. Instead his eyes gazed into mine the entire time. They were filled with concern.
“Are you sure?” He asked me after a minute. “You don’t look okay,” He stated to me.
There was something about way he looked at me, way that he spoke me that made me want to tell him everything. But would he still be in my side once he heard the rumors? Would he believe them, like everybody else seemed to.
I nodded.
He handed me back my copy of Thirteen Reasons Why. “This is a sad book,” He told me and held it out to me. “I liked it. It’s realistic, don’t you think?”
I grabbed the book. “It is,” I responded and stood up. I was aware that almost everyone was watching us. “It’s type of book that a lot of teens can relate to,” I added, in attempt to fill the silence that filled between us.
He nodded.
How did I not notice him before.
I opened my mouth, when I saw him. I watched him when he glanced in our direction, giving me a wink before approaching our direction.
Please don’t come here.
I didn’t want him here. He was the reason that everything got messed up for me. He had started it all. He reuned everything for me. He took everything from me.
Coming towards me, he put his hand around my shoulders. I tensed at his touch. I didn’t want him to touch him, all that I wanted was to get away from him. I had tried to move back from him but he held on tight.
“Be careful,” He stated to the new guy. “Or she sleep with you, then ditch you. Right Maddie?” He asked me and winked at me.
His hand moved from my shoulders to my waist.
My heart rate increased. I had find a way to get away from him. I needed to get out of here before I lost it in front of everybody, give them more reason to make my life miserable.
The guy stepped towards Camden, his expression angry. “Get your hands off her, you are making her uncomfortable,”
Camden laughed, his hand moving down. “Maddie likes it,” He said with a teasing tone. “It’s not first time. She likes the attention, don’t you?” He asked me with a laugh.
I could feel more tears filling my eyes. I wanted to make a remark but couldn’t seem to form the words.
I closed my eyes.
“Get away from her,” The guy’s voice was beside me and then I felt weight lifted off me.
My eyes opened and I was breathing hard. I saw the guy standing next to me, and Camden besides him, unconscious.
Nobody done that before. Stood up for me. To Camden.
“You okay?”
I nodded.
He extended his hand towards me. “Come on, how about we get out of here?” He asked me in gentle voice.
I stared at his hand for second. I was aware of students staring at us, whispering. For the first time in months, I didn’t care.
Let them.
I took his hand.
ϟ
“It’s not true,” I blurted out when we reached the empty parking lot. My head turned to make sure that no teachers followed us but it remained empty.
“What isn’t true?” He asked me.
I took a breath. I didn’t even know why I was telling him this. Just because he defended me didn’t make us automatic best friend. Maybe because he was first person who came to my defense. I wanted for him to know.
“What Camden said, isn’t true,”
He tensed at his name. “Is that his name?” He asked me angry. He came to sudden stop and looked at me. “I don’t listen to rumors Maddie,” He stated. “I know it’s not true,”
He smiled at me. A smile that spread a grin across my face. Right then I knew that he was different. “I try not to either, but it’s hard not to when it’s about you,”
He squeezed my hand.
“Don’t listen to them, don’t let them get to you,” He told me. “It’s not worth it,”
I knew that he was right. I knew that I should ignore the comments that everyone said. But how could you ignore it when it happened every day? Not just at school but online too. How can you ignore it when you couldn’t escape it?
“I tried it,” I began. “But it gets worse every day,” I told him and glanced towards our interlaced fingers. I thought about letting go but instead held on. “I can’t,”
He gave my hand another squeeze. “You can,” He stated. “I’m going help you,”
“Why?” I blurted out without thinking. “You don’t even know me. Why would you want to help me?” I found myself asking.
He watched me for a second. “I want get to know you,” He started. “ Nobody deserves to go through this alone. I want be there,”
I smiled. “Thank you…” I began and trailed off, realizing that I didn’t even know his name.
“Carson,” He responded. “You don’t have be afraid anymore Maddie. I’ll be by your side. I won’t let anyone else hurt you,”
My eyes gazed into his and within seconds my heart was pounding. I was grateful for his rescue, and I knew he meant every word.
But he isn’t first boy who said this. Would it last? Or am I setting myself up for another betrayal?
Bookbuyer wrote: "Some poems of mine.Your poems are beautiful, filled with so much emotions. Great job!
Jenia wrote: "Bookbuyer wrote: "Some poems of mine.Your poems are beautiful, filled with so much emotions. Great job!"
TY. ^-^
I made (the) basketball...Now it was (the) one place that I...
You can do this, I tried to convince him and entered the building. (Him? Who is she talking about?)
From the little I read I can see a lot of little errors that interrupt the flow of the story. They are fairly easily fixed and will greatly improve readability. A+ for effort! I like where the story is going! :)
Jenia, I really like the beginning of your story. It needs a bit of editing but other then that it totally pulled me in. Thanks for sharing.
Ok I have totally revised and edited my first chapter (it was seriously lacking) and updated it on the link below. I have also included a small blurb. I would love to get feed back on it. Thanks everyone. "I woke up, groggy as usual, and grabbed my coffee. Said "goodbye, have a good day" to my parents as they left for work, as usual. Then the world went to crap...I'm Tierany, and this is my story."
https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...
I had a writing prompt where you were to write for 15 mins about a time where you felt out of place, here is mine. I knew he had gone to the hospital, so I was expecting the call when it came in late last night.
“Hello” I answer a little too quickly.
“Hey” he replied in a shaky whisper.
“Are you ok? How is…” I started
“He…oh God…he’s gone. Just gone.” He sputtered out
He wasn’t making any sense. “Gone?” I questioned breathlessly as it started to sink in.
“My dad…He’s gone, he’s dead” He clarified as his breathing picked up.
“I’m on my way, I will meet you at your place” I instructed. I knew he wasn’t capable of a clear thought so I made the choice for him. Weather it was right or wrong, I have no clue but I was not letting him be alone the night his father passed away.
The sun is too bright, much too cheery for a day like today. It stings my eyes, still puffy and dry as sandpaper from such a restless night. Trying to make sense of it all, his father was still young. Taken so unexpectedly, just some every day mundane thing, an allergy attack so severe it shattered lives. I look over at him as he drives, holding his hand knowing full well he is not here with me, he has mentally traveled across time, lost in a memory that is helping dull the pain if only briefly, just a reprieve, a breath. We pull up to his Grandmas house and he takes a deep breath as he runs his hand down his face, opens the door as he puts his glasses back on. I gently squeeze his hand and the warm spring breeze flows by in silent caress as if it knows today is not one for singing birds and musical leaves. As he opens the front door I swallow to try and dislodge the pit of rocks that have taken up residents in my stomach. As we step in through the entryway, I suck in a breath, the despair and heartache in the air is as thick as an early morning fog on a fall day rolling in off the Pacific Ocean. It’s suffocating; I take in as much air as I can. His mother and grandma shuffle over to us and I give them a gentle hug. Then they both grab onto him, hugging him saying “it will be ok” and he just nods, staying strong, because that is all he has said all morning “I am all they have left, I have to be the strong one for them” and so he stays strong, all 3 of them nodding stern bobs to each other, it will be ok.
“Joe” I hear a shaky voice call his name from behind me. I turn and see his little sister stand up from the couch. That’s when he drops my hand as she runs over to him and collapses into his arms. She is only a couple years younger than me but in this moment she is just a toddler holding onto her big brother who chases everything scary away and makes the world right again. His mother crumples to the love seat next me, in these heart wrenching sobs at the site of her children’s world shattering.
We have only been dating a few months, and we are still so young, me 21, him 22. However, I do so care for this boy in front of me that is so desperately trying to hold his sister together while losing his center of gravity. I want to be here for him, be his grounding force tethering him to this world in this time his universe is shattering. But now, right here, in this moment, this personal page from a diary that should be hidden behind a lock and key… A part of me wishes I could be invisible, absorbed into the paisley print wall paper, made a different choice when I got that call. But I didn’t, and I am here for him, in this fog of despair that makes my skin sticky and cold, so I slowly lower myself to the love seat biting the inside of my cheek listening to the wales of an entire family morning the loss of their rock.
I wrote my first poem in years and I would like some feedback please and if you have any ideas on poetry blog names I would appreciate that too :) Note that this poem has a dark tone to it. Revival
Darkness came as a shadow above me,
It consumed me with all it's might,
Changed me as a person,
Made me do the unthinkable.
I shut myself from the world,
Leaving the thoughts in my head,
Which tortured my mind and body,
I almost believed what the voices told me.
After months of being in this state,
I had enough and it was time to change,
For I had a life worth living,
Which I never should have taken for granted.
I now must find that person,
Who I once was,
And revive into someone I'm proud of,
That I became.
Copyright: Tanya Florencio 2015
David Estes Fans and YA Book Lovers Unite!
Books mentioned in this topic
Nick the Lolt (other topics)The Pisachas Retribution (other topics)
