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Niran.k and Cici
message 401:
by
Niran
(new)
Dec 29, 2012 02:48PM
Benjamin rocked her slowly and carefully , shushing her and trying to calm her . He said softly ," Don't worry about him right now . Just calm down and worry about yourself ".
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She curled up to him. She felt like in the last 20 minutes her heart been rebroken, ran over by a frieght train, pounded with a sludge hammer, and had salt on all its wounds. Why did James show up now? Right when she had been almost over him.
He held her tighter , he didnt know what else to do because she didnt seem like she wanted to talk about it or even talk at all . He didnt mind that but he didnt want he to feel heartbroken about it. James just wasn't worth it , but then again who was he to say that ?
"I...I...I almost went running...back to him..." she choked out, "Why...Why now?"
Benjamin shook his head , which made his hair rub against his , he sighed ," I don't know Madeline . It's okay now ". He rocked her softly and shushed her .
She tried to calm down, "He seemed so sincere. Like I actually mattered to him, like he actually felt guilty."
Benjamin pushed her back slightly and looked into her eyes ," Stop crying . He's not worth it , and he doesn't deserve your time ". He hated seeing her like this but he didnt know what else to do .
She said, "I'm trying to stop. But I was so close to being over him and then he shows up begging me to come back-I can't take it, Ben. If I'll fall for the same stupid trap."
Benjamin took her by the shoulders and shook her slightly ," Then don't , don't fall for his bull crap ".
"It's easier to do that when he isn't around. He shows up and I'm like putty," she cried.
Benjamin didnt really know what to do . Tell her it was okay ? Be angry with her ? Don't say anything ? Just hug her ? He didn't know , so he sat their in pure silence .
She collapsed in his lap, "I'm so sorry Ben. I'm so stupid. I'm sitting here blabbing on about some boy who breaks my heart to the one guys who's been giving me chances I don't deserve."
Benjamin stroked her hair and placed his hand on her shoulder . He smiled slightly and said ," It's okay ". It wasn't okay but he understood . He truly did .
She cried until she had no more tears. And she realized something she hadn't before. She wanted Ben. She wanted Ben to care about her. She wanted him to want HER. She wanted him to NEED her. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted him. That's why she had been able to resist James and run back. That's why it was his door she landed on and not her own. It was why she was curled against him like a little child now.
Benjamin couldn't stand the fact that she was crying , but he let her anyway . Because its what she needed to do , crying was never bad . He let her cry and cry until she felt like there was no more tears , he just sat there with her head in his lap and his hand stroking her hair softly .
She wanted to tell him her realization but didn't have the words, "Ben?"
Benjamin continued to stroke her hair , he held her slightly and said softly ." Yes Madeline ?".
She didn't know how to say how she felt so she asked, "Have you ever realized that the only reason you turned someone down is because you kind of unknowingly needed someone else?"
Benjamin made a thinking face and thought for a moment . He turned back to her and laughed slightly ," No I don't ". He knew that she was talking about him but he wanted to hear her say it .
"Oh. Umm...I kinda do. I probably would have gone back James if..." she awkwardly whispered the next bit, "I didn't need you to want me the way I kinda want you."
(( Woops sorry !))Benjamin just cradled her in his arms and rocked her carefully. He whispered ," I'm here , no matter what ". He gulped and held her close.
((its ok))
She felt stupidly awkward, "You don't feel the same thing, do you?"
She felt stupidly awkward, "You don't feel the same thing, do you?"
Benjamin moved her back and looked deep into her eyes , he smiled and said ," I do , I feel the same way . Why do you think I've stuck up for you this whole time ". Then he smiled down at her and said ," I get jealous when you talk about James ". He shrugged and blushed slightly.
She smiled, "Sorry and thanks. I'm sorry I talk about James so much. First jerkface loser boyfriend kinda sticks in your head." She laughed a little, like a tinkle of bells.
Benjamin chuckled softly and said ," Don't worry about it . It's a good think I'm jealous right ? It means I actually care ". He shrugged nonchalantly and smiled cutely .( got to go . Btw happy new year :D)
((happy new year c u))
She blushed, "I guess."
She blushed, "I guess."
((what were ur new years resolutions?))
Benjamin grinned at her and hugged her again ," Come on , we're just sitting on the floor ". He got up and gave her a hand .(( I don't have any , what's yours ?))
((to become slightly hipster and to keep mine and lucas's relationship going till 2014))
She got up next to her.
She got up next to her.
(( haha , aww that's cute ))He tried to block the entry of his room , he looked behind him and said nervously ," Urm , maybe we should go into your room ".
((if my relationship DOESNT last till the end of the year i will die of heartbreak))
"Why?" she asked.
"Why?" she asked.
(( if it doesn't work it can just be a lesson right ? Like you can learn from it . But don't think about the future , think about now :D))Benjamin looked at her and said ," Well , it's kind of a mess ". He laughed and rubbed the back of his head nervously .
((i guess. hes my first bf and its long distance so my whole relationship with him will be a lesson. hopefully i get the hang of it soon enough for it to nvr end))
She nodded, "Alright." He seemed to be hiding something.
She nodded, "Alright." He seemed to be hiding something.
(( how old are you ?))Benjamin closed his door quickly and then he went to her door , he stood there and looked at her with a smile .
((13 brb dinner))
She opened it.
She opened it.
(( wow ))Benjamin opened it and walked in , he sat on her bed and slumped back on it .
((what?))
"You seem off," she commented.
"You seem off," she commented.
(( I don't mean this to sound rude or judgemental at all , because I know how your feeling but don't let your relationship take over your life ))Benjamin shook his head and rubbed his hair , he looked up at her guiltily and said ," I kind of trashed my room , John is going to be pissed with me ".
((ik ik ive heard it a million times. i still have a perfectly normal life. its a long distance relationship because he had to move 4 days after our first date. and he was already my best friend so if he HAD stayed we already hung out all the time all that would have changed was the feelings))
Madeline laughed. She actually had noticed the room, "You trashed your room because James tried to get me back? You really care that much?"
Madeline laughed. She actually had noticed the room, "You trashed your room because James tried to get me back? You really care that much?"
(( aww you guys seem so sweet :P ))Benjamin laughed and shrugged ," I was pissed and stupidly jealous , like a lot ". He shook his head out and then turned to her, "Yeah of course I care , otherwise I wouldn't be here right now ".
((thx :) ))
She smiled and sat down next him, "Thank you for caring. I love you."
She smiled and sat down next him, "Thank you for caring. I love you."
Benjamin's eyes widened and he was shocked . He stuttered ," Did - did you just say ... You love ..me ?". He gulped but couldn't help but smile ," That's awesome !". Then he shook his head out and said ," I love you too Madeline ".
She laughed leaning her head on his shoulder, "I'd said it in French a few times."
Benjamin laughed and lifted his hands ," How am I supposed to understand ?". He laughed again and smiled gently .
She laughed, "At the time that was my point."
Benjamin smiled and sat down on her bed , he then lay on the bed and smiled . Benjamin looked up at the ceiling and asked ," What did James want from you ?".
"What do you mean?" she asked.
Benjamin kept looking at the ground , rubbing his thumbs together ," Why was he even here ? He wanted you back didnt he ?".
She nodded awkwardly, "He said he missed me and hadn't meant to hurt me and he wanted me to be his girl again." She was crying again. She missed him even though she fought it because she knew he was no good for her.
