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Niran.k and Cici
message 251:
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Niran
(new)
Dec 14, 2012 09:31AM
Benjamin smiled at her and nodded his head .
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She sighed, "Might as well teach French at the same time. I already told you that Je is I. T'adore is a contraction for adore or love you. I was um, going for love. Then that was where I called myself an idiot for it, but admitted I did. Again. Then tu is you. Être is are or be, in this case are. Tellement tellement si equals so so so, and magnifique is magnificent. Then I said that I knew you would probably break my heart but I was still in love with you. And when we break up you might want to know what 'Je suis désolé' means. Suis is am. Désolé is sorry. So together you get I'm sorry. That's how I finished it."
Benjamin smiled and went to sit on the bed , he went close to her so that they were millimetres away from each other . He smiled and looked deep into her eyes ."You love me huh ?".
That's all he could ask . He didn't ask for much but maybe he was asking too much already . Maybe she didn't want to completely say yes or no .
"Uuuhhh...I don't know, kinda, ya. But there's a reason I said it in French not English," he was getting close again. She was stumbling into him again.
Benjamin looked down at her lips for a second and then looked back into her eyes ."Because you didn't want me to know right ?", he said softly . He looked down at her lips again and then breathed slowly , his lips parted slightly .
She nodded, "Now I can't take it back when I realized how big I messed up."
Benjamin kept his eyes on her lips and shook his head slowly . Then he looked into her eyes and said ," You didn't mess up , not one bit ".((brb))
((kz))
For a second she believed it then she said, "That's what James said. He said we weren't a mistake when I mentioned that first relationships always ended. I believed it and he blew it." She was suddenly angry and pulled away. She turned her back to him.
For a second she believed it then she said, "That's what James said. He said we weren't a mistake when I mentioned that first relationships always ended. I believed it and he blew it." She was suddenly angry and pulled away. She turned her back to him.
Benjamin wasn't surprised that this dream was bound to end . He pulled away and placed his back on the wall on the opposite side of her bed . He sat there with his knees up and his arms on them . He said ," What else did this asshole promise you huh ?". He wouldnt acknowledge the fact that she was comparing him with that James guy again .
"He promised he'd love me. He said he'd never leave me. That we were forever. That there was no one else who could ever compare. He promised me the world. A fairytale ending. He promised me a shoulder to cry on. He promised me everything. He told me I was beautiful and amazing. But all he said was a lie. He never loved me. He DID leave me. We WEREN'T forever. Apparently, some other girl DID compare to me. He NEVER gave me the world. He gave me a tragic ending, not a fairytale. He wasn't even my shoulder to cry on. And most importantly of all, I was never beautiful or amazing," she glared at the wall. She was almost ready to punch a hole in it.
Benjamin had had enough , he was tired f hearing about James ! James and his ass hole ways . Benjamin for up from sitting down abruptly and went close to her face . He said strongly ," If you actually believe that your not beautiful because of him then your even more stupid than I thought you were ". He looked into her eyes deeply and then eventually walked out of the room, murmuring ," Get better ". And then left .
She did punch the wall as he left. Ben was just as bad as James. "Ya. Tell the girl you just called stupid to get better. I really am feeling how much those kisses meant to you." She knew he couldn't hear but didn't care. She threw a pillow at the door.
Benjamin made sure that when he left he banged the door shut . He went out , he couldn't be stuck in his dorm . He went out of the university and wondered the streets with his headphones in .
Madeline was sick of Ben's games. She had made up her mind and she had chosen wrong. Again. Ben was just a jerk. "I told you I loved you and you called me stupid. You kissed me in the auditorium and made me sick. Now go die in a hole, Benjamin."
Benjamin sat down a while , he sat down and reconsidered what he had done and what he needed to do . What he wanted had done was wrong , storming out and being a jerk to Madeline , but at the same time he didnt want to say sorry . He was done with saying sorry and so done with being compared to James . When would she see that ?
She knew it was unfair to compare Ben to James, but after how much James had hurt her EVERYONE was compared to James. Even the girls she hung out with she unintentionally compared to James. He had broke her heart, lied to her, and betrayed her. She couldn't even trust her best friends without noticing that they had SOMETHING in common with James. It wasn't Ben's fault that he had a lot in common with James, but it wasn't Madeline's fault that all those similarities worried her. Especially since she was pretty sure she was falling for him. And she already knew that it wouldn't end well.
Benjamin couldnt help how he felt , but what he needed to do was suck it up and be a man about it . He needed to apologize to Madeline one way or another , otherwise they probably wouldnt talk anymore . And Benjamin knew that would be difficult . Eventually he got up from sitting on the bench and walked back to his dorm . He paced up and down near Madelines door and then eventually knocked .
She slowly had calmed down. She knew it was Ben. She answered it and said, "I'm sorry," at the exact same time he had. They both knew there was a but on either end that they were holding back.
Benjamin smiled slightly at how they both said sorry at the same time . He looked down because he was blushing and he didnt like how he looked when he blushed .He said softly ," I know you have had your heart broken .Im truly sorry for that , but you need to know that I am nothing like James. Nor will I ever be . I know I seem like Im a jerk and that Im over confident but give me a chance to show you who I really am".
She looked down embarrassed as well, "I want to give you a chance, you don't know how hard I'm trying to give a chance, but James was everything to me. He hurt me really bad. Now even my best girl friends I've known since kindergarten who'd I used to trust with my life, I feel like I can't trust anymore because EVERYONE has SOMETHING in common with. I don't mean to but I compare everyone with James. And you are a lot like him. Confusing and unpredictable as the weather, the way you talk, your reputation, your cocky, doesn't care attitude, you both have it. And I'm really sorry that he comes up so much."
Benjamin looked at her sadly , he grabbed her face in between his hand so that he could look deeply into her eyes ."No no Madeline , don't give into him . Don't you dare let him ruin your life , do you understand ? I know sometimes I can be like him but we have completely different intentions. I know it's hard for you -", he pulled her into a hug and held her head ," I know that what he done to you , has effected every part of you , I'm going to try and help you to be who you want to because I can't bare the sight of him taking over you ".
She hugged back, "But he was so much of me. He wasn't just my boyfriend, he became my other half. Now everyone's like him but I can't even remember who I am."
Benjamin gulped slightly and held her closer , tightly . He felt like if he let go she'd disappear ."I'm so sorry he did this to you Madeline . I'm sorry I'm being such a jack ass too . I don't want you to be effected by him but you are and I'm going to make sure that I help you as much as I can . Till you stop me , till you tell me to leave ".
She nodded, "Ok. But even if I tell you to leave, please come back? It'll hurt to much if you don't."
Benjamin's eyes widened , that was the first time she had ever mentioned that she needed him of some sort . He held her closer , and said ," I promise ".
She stood there, locked in his hug, silently for some moments.
Benjamin held her for quite a while , they stood there in each others arms until Benjamin pulled away and smiled at her . He rarely smiled , but he always smirked . "Your okay ", he justified to her .
She nodded, "Ya. It really must have just been embarrassment." She winked and laughed at how stupid that probably looked.
Benjamin smiled but shook his head . Then he placed his hands in his jacket and said , " You gonna let me in your dorm or not ?". He chuckled and rocked on his heels slightly .
She stepped out of his way, "Sorry."
Benjamin smiled and said ," Don't worry about it ". He stepped past her slowly and sat down on the floor . Her bed was messy and her room was a mess . He laughed and said ," Are you sure your feeling better ?".
She rolled her eyes, "Cleaning takes time I don't seem to have sense you laughed at my French the other day."
Benjamin held up his hands in defence and said ," Chill , I'll do it . Your ill ". He got her by the shoulders and gently pushed her to the bed ," So you sit your butt down and relax ".
She rolled her eyes, "You don't have to and I was just saying. Geesh."
Benjamin took off his jacket and started to clean up . He said ," No don't worry about it , I want to ". He moved things around slightly and started to shuffle around .
She stood up and helped with the nit picky organization she liked so much. Her room was either dirty or perfect. Nowhere in between.
Benjamin shook his head at her , he then turned on the radio and said ," Now that's more like it ". He bobbed his head as he cleaned up and then once it was done , he lied on her bed on his back .
She laughed. She reorganized the bookshelf. The books were organized the books by color and size. Smaller books of the same shade on the left turning into larger books of the same shade. Each full color had its own shelf and a little picture or decoration.
Benjamin slapped his hands together and put on a Dracula accent ," Vell Vell, your book shelf seems very organised . My mission is complete ". Then he grinned to show his canines like he was going to attack her .
She laughed. She stared at a picture frame that was now empty with a little elephant figurine next to it. She picked up the elephant and threw it in the fire.
Benjamin titled his head up slightly as she threw something in the fire . "What was that ? And why did you throw it in zee fire ?". He smiled slightly and then sat up .
"It was a gift from James. Our first anniversary gift. Today would have been our second so today I wrote I hate you on all our pictures and shredded them. It's time to get rid of that too," she said her back to him. She didn't want him to see the tear rolling down her cheek.
Benjamin got up from the bed and wrapped his arms around her from behind . He wrapped his arms just on her shoulders and then kissed her cheek softly .
She put her hands on top of his. Her smile was sad, but it was present. She leaned back into him, wanting only for him to hold her tight.
Benjamin didn't know what they were , if they were a couple or if they weren't . But no matter what , he would hold her . He did , he held her tightly and kissed her cheek again. He rubbed his thumb on the side of her hand .
"Je t'adore," she said, "I love you."
Benjamin smiled and said softly ," I love you too ". He kissed her cheek again , and then let go of her . He sat near her legs and near the fire . He leaned slightly on her legs and looked up at her jokingly .
She smiled and sat down beside him. A slow slighty romantic song came on the radio and it began to snow outside, "Is this scripted or something?"
Benjamin laughed hard , and then went serious ," Yes , it's scripted by God ". Then he tried not to crack a joking smile but failed . He laughed again and said ," Looks like it is huh ?".
