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Need Title/Author - Set in India Pre-Mutiny?
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I looked through my "india and orient" shelf and couldn't find anything that matches your plot. There is one I haven't read called Kashmiri Passions that sounds like it could be the one you're looking for, but that's a real long shot.

I just had a look at that one & I don't think it's the one I'm looking for, I so wish I could remember the title.
This is what I can remember of the plot.
The Heroine is married to an abusive husband I will henceforth refer to as the Brute.
She becomes attracted to a visiting Indian Prince and it becomes mutual. A plot is hatched to allow her and her daughter to flee with the Prince at the end of his visit.
The plan goes wrong and only the heroine is able to escape. The daughters experiences at the hand of the Brute form the novels 'B Plot'.
The heroine becomes one of the princes wives, but has a special duty. Every time the British come visiting she is behind a screen advising the prince on just how to get the best outcome.
Eventually there is a gap in these visits (Possibly the result of the 1857 Mutiny), when the British return the prince askes the heroine to again advise him. She refuses essentially stating that she has become so assimilated into the local court/culture that she has fundamentally changed and no longer considers herself English. The prince replies to the effect that at any other time this news would please him, but now...
I'm not entirely sure what happens after this point, but from what I can remember of the climax the prince dies and the British send a group to confirm his successor.
One of the party is the Brute, he immediately realises that his (ex-)wife is one of the sari clad women near the new prince. This triggers events that leave the Brute dead and the Heroine being 'punished' for her role in it by being required to act as ambassador to new British resident who just happens to be married to the daughter the heroine was forced to leave behind.
I'd dearly like to find a copy just to confirm if my recollections are in any way correct.