Aiyana's Planet of Awful Writing, and Complaining.

[[deleted user]]

I left too. It was just too much.

[Ethan]

I think I'm gonna leave because it's incactive.

[Aiyana, A PotterWhoLockian]

Sorry I havent posted anything in a while.... Here is a somewhat poem I wrote for school, I really need feedback on it.

I Believe...
I believe that family is the most important thing you have.
that reading a good book can make you feel better.
I believe that you don’t have to smile to show you are happy.
that you should imagine six impossible things before breakfast.
I believe “just because it is in your head, why does that mean it isnt real?”
that you should eat chocolate or dessert every day.
I believe in happiness, joy, love,
And I believe that you should be kind to everyone, because you dont know when you will need someone else.
I believe that we should listen to the great Authors and Poets,
that on rainy days we should curl up with a good book, a cat, and a mug of tea.
I believe everyone should be careful in their choices of friends, because someday, they might betray you.
I believe that everyone is equal, no matter their skin color, gender, or age.

[[deleted user]]

Bravo!!!! Brilliant.

[Aiyana, A PotterWhoLockian]

Thanks Cat!

[Ethan]

i thought that it was good too.

[Aiyana, A PotterWhoLockian]

Thanks Ethan

[Aiyana, A PotterWhoLockian]

I apologize again for not posting in awhile...

This is my first time doing fan fiction, so its probably really bad.

The train station was busy. You could tell who were the wizards and witches and who the muggles were. The muggles looked at us weirdly, it was probably my owl, Hedwig the 2nd. I straightened my shirt, excited to change into my new school robes. My mum walked beside me, pushing my trolley, while my dad and brothers had already gone through the barrier to Platform 9¾. I copied my mother when she leaned against the barrier, and we both fell sideways, into the steam of the scarlet red train. Dad was waiting, and he smiled, taking my hand and pulling me towards where he had seen our good friends, who also happened to be my aunt and uncle. Hugo was standing next to his mum, fidgeting with his tie. I smiled at him, and walked over to him, giving him a quick hug. I glanced at Albus, who was talking to Rose and a couple other people, and I looked around for James but didn’t see him. My parents started talking to Hugo’s. After about 10 minutes of talking to them, it was time to board the train. My dad helped to lift my trunk and owl into a compartment, and Hugo and I boarded the train, immediately going to the window of the compartment to wave goodbye to our parents. Albus and Rose drifted into our compartment, still chatting to eachother. The train started to move and Hugo glanced at me, an excited look on his face. We sat down, and started to play a game of exploding snap with Rose and Albus. “Hey, Lily!” came James voice from the door, and I looked up, running a hand through my bright red hair. “Yes?” I asked apprehensively. “Guess who wanted to meet you.” He replied, grinning and grabbing a female hand and pulling her into the compartment. I raised an eyebrow, we had all heard about his girlfriend, but none of us had really believed it. A pretty dark girl with lovely braided black hair came in, and sat down next to James. “Hello Lily, I am Evie.” She said, smiling and holding out a hand for me to shake. “Hello?” I replied, slightly confused, shaking her hand. “I told her about the time you wouldn’t speak to any of us for 3 weeks because of an experiment and she wanted to meet you.” James said, smirking at me and ruffling his hair up again. I nodded, “Nice to meet you Evie, we have heard a lot about you.” I said, and Albus nodded vigorously in agreement. She laughed, her laugh exactly matching her appearance.

[[deleted user]]

Something about the wording doesn't seem quite right... like this sentence: "After about 10 minutes of talking to them, it was time to board the train." And the Hedwig the 2nd thing doesn't seem right either. But other than that, I liked it!

[Aiyana, A PotterWhoLockian]

Thanks for the suggestions!

[[deleted user]]

You're welcome.

[Aiyana, A PotterWhoLockian]

Thanks Lex! I'll probably continue it, sometime....

[[deleted user]]

Awesome! Way better than the fan-fic I tried to do from Albus' point of veiw. That was terrible. Love your's! :)