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message 1: by Kelson (new)

Kelson Hargis | 17 comments Okay, I need help too. I shopped a story around and it got rejected by a few places. One said be sure to keep submitting, it's just not a good fit. I then did research and found no less than 2 sites that read, Please don't send stories where the protagonist dies tragically at the end. Guess what. Mine kills himself to stop hauntings that end in others dying. Would you guys mind reading my synopsis and offering ideas for alternate actions the protagonist can take? Okay people get seduced into a lake by ghosts with a ridiculous number of drownings. here's the synopsis:
Quarry Lake Outline

Trauma doesn't change people; it carves its brutality into the psyche of victims. Whit pays dearly in both worlds, he inhabits for sharing his experiences after seeing his brother drown in a secluded lake. His brother John doesn't leave Whit mind you. He appears again and again beckoning him into ever more dangerous situations.

Whit lies to his psychiatrist and parents about John and the appearances of others long dead to escape the pharmacological prison that they protect him with. Yet he manages to cope alone in the wilderness his life becomes, hacking out meaning by middle age as a sometime medium and grief counselor until... After many years John returns with a new unidentified victim of Quarry Lake. A missing girl whose real fate Whit can't possibly disclose to the police.

Things have changed. The dead have been gathering there because of Whit and what he can do. Dead that aren't quite so scrupulous in their appreciation for life. There are others that they have beckoned who heed the call, joining them in the inescapable well that Quarry Lake is for the spirits gravitating around Whit's allure. He finds help (and perhaps romance) in a synchronicitic encounter investigating how to stop the curse and entrapment of the living and dead alike.

John returns guiding Whit toward a solution without ever really delivering it. That is Whit's calling, not his. Whit's heeding the call jeopardizes him far more than he ever imagined, elucidating him to the real extent of the danger Quarry Lake presents. His survival stealing him with a new resolve to exercise the lake and protect any potential future victims.

But his search for a solution is dashed. All hope is lost even as his new companion, Sharon the niece of one of his principal spirit visitors, shares his experiences dispelling his life long doubts of sanity. [INTERJECT YOUR IDEA FOR ALTERNATE ACTION/ENDING HERE] Then, finally, the grave reality of it validated, Whit does the only thing that he can to stop the suffering and loss. He makes the ultimate sacrifice. He dives into the lake drawing the spirits so attracted to him into oblivion with him, ending the mystical allure that has entrapped and killed so many.

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 58 comments You could keep how he died the same, in addition to making his death same like-in a way by having Sharon body being taken over by the spirits at the end.

message 3: by Phoebe, TheInvincibleRabbit (last edited Sep 18, 2012 11:26PM) (new)

Phoebe (theneveronlinechick) | 3313 comments Mod
Indeed. It would seem a lot more exciting, and the ending would be interesting.But it depends on if you want it to be kind of dramatic?

message 4: by Kelson (new)

Kelson Hargis | 17 comments Thank you both so much for the great ideas! Back to the word processor :)

message 5: by Phoebe, TheInvincibleRabbit (new)

Phoebe (theneveronlinechick) | 3313 comments Mod
Hahaha, welcome. Hope it helped. :)

message 6: by Agony (new)

Agony | 124 comments Make his death beautiful like he found peace in it. He could leave a note that makes readers see his death as something both sad and beautiful....thats how I usualy do it.

message 7: by Phoebe, TheInvincibleRabbit (new)

Phoebe (theneveronlinechick) | 3313 comments Mod
That's a good idea, Ariel!

message 8: by Agony (new)

Agony | 124 comments Thanks.

message 9: by Agony (new)

Agony | 124 comments Or you could shake it up by revealing that in the end it was his clone who sacrificed himself for the sake of the original...I deas just pour out of my head some times. Just giving you options.

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