Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion
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Haiku
message 4251:
by
Ryan
(last edited Sep 05, 2013 05:57AM)
(new)
Sep 05, 2013 05:44AM
Hi, M! Thanks, it was a great one to follow.
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Shafts of a risingmoon streak alleys that echo
with distant cheering.
Echoes of lost youthCaught in tin can strings, limp legs,
--A tire swing Spring.
Nice one, Daniel. in tree house shadows
she stepped shyly from her clothes
and i from my youth
Thanks, very kind :)
ryan, what you wrote led me to write something else that won't fit here. so i'm posting it in my folder. hope you don't mind.
wonderful, guys :)
he throws into the sea
the charred pile of wood and what
is left of his youth.
?
he throws into the sea
the charred pile of wood and what
is left of his youth.
?
Lovely continuation, Leslie.Thank you, Jim. You couldn't flatter me any more if you tried.
as youth's flotsam floatsadrift, strong currents threaten
to drag me under
a giant spoon stirs
the basin of regrets, he
sinks to the bottom.
the basin of regrets, he
sinks to the bottom.
the inky depthsAt the sea's bottom
he sat waiting and hoping
that there was more there
than being the afterthought
to a lost mermaid's panic.
Ryan, you knocked it out of the park with 5590. Brilliant.Excellent everyone! What a great series. Now to crash into bed. Good night!
Thank you, Ryan. I was following a brilliant one.
Very nice, Guy, goodnight!:)
Very nice, Guy, goodnight!:)
do mermaids have hearts?his final question
as she squeezed his with pressure
from the depths of hers
Wow, Jim! :)
He withers away
like grass from her hands, away
from the stony shore.
He withers away
like grass from her hands, away
from the stony shore.
((Here's a 5-7-5-7-7 continuation of Leslie's lovely poem!))Scotland calls me home
The banks that rush to greet me
Why am I Scottish?
The question is good and strong
If I only had answers!
M wrote: "Thank you, Guy! Lilian, that’s devasting. Because the first line could be a description of the girl in the photo, and the writing is stunning, the last line blindsides the reader. Hmm. This one won..."What photo are you talking about?
Lovely Tanka, Lilian. Beautiful and thoughtful.
Thanks Guy! And, that's not my photo. It's the picture of a celebrity that I really like. :P I'm flattered though.
“Where gusts bend the reedsand blur the lichened castle,
I’ll sleep,” she murmured.
These are wonderful Leslie, Lilian and M! Great start to my day :)
(I googled Loch Leven. Castle Island is interesting.)Keep and curtain wall,
gray amid green leaves, knew her
song, her flowing sleeves.
Castle walls echoa song heard often in Spring
when the world is new.
(A keen image, Adrian!)Stone spalls from vined walls
whose roofless halls once echoed
her measured footfalls.
Fallen from the skythe stars found themselves caught
in her lost foot falls.
I just finished watching 'Stars falling from the sky', a Korean comedy/drama series :))
Wonderful haiku everyone :)
Wonderful haiku everyone :)
Thanks, M and everyone. All of you are good writers :)
Leslie wrote: "I just finished watching 'Stars falling from the sky', a Korean comedy/drama series :)) Wonderful haiku everyone :)"
Thank you, Leslie! Is that a fushigi for you?
Thank you Adrian.
Yes, it is :)
The stars held captive
can no longer grant wishes,
wreak havoc instead.
sorry..
The stars held captive
can no longer grant wishes,
wreak havoc instead.
sorry..
These are great, M, Adrian, Guy and Leslie!
The writing is so good. I love how the theme can move from a fair Scottish maiden drowned by the Loch to stars imprisoned and wreaking havoc in such seamless transition...
Well, I've heard most Haiku poems are about change/contrast.
a continuation from Leslie's beautiful haiku -two stars imprisoned
within her almond-eyed smile
- joy and tragedy
Competing feelingsone to raise and one to crush
hope within the heart.
To hope for all men
to be filled with hope is like
hoping against hope
harhar
Good morning! Smile :)
to be filled with hope is like
hoping against hope
harhar
Good morning! Smile :)
Her heart, an oboe,depth-sounded exploded stars
littering his past.
Good morning, Leslie! Thank you. I’d have followed yours, but I’m just now seeing it. Very nice!
The music of loveHeart-break, anger, and sadness
Pop and rock-and-roll
Lol, it's fine, M. Your continuation is excellent :) Thank you.
Lilian, that's very nice!
Lilian, that's very nice!
Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company!
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