Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion

Haha, thank you, Ryan :)

Excellent, funny, touching and delightful efforts, Leslie, Lilian, Belly, Ryan. What a great way to end my day!


her soft eyes were hard

Jane Doe's soft doe eyes
belied their beguiling ways,
laced her black squid ink
with the ocean's salty charm,
haunted him to death.

very nice Guy :)

I'll be away for a couple of days lol will be looking forward to all your haiku :)

I love the line “laced her black squid ink . . .”!

squid ink on pale palm
darkest where lines intersect
nothing there to read

-o-

... just an aside... I posted a new poem in my folder and would appreciate any feedback/critique from all the kind folks of this little ship. thank you. leslie, enjoy your time away from this fun madhouse! :)

thanks, belly!

Thanks, Guy. And, wow! Magic writing.

Fantastic, Jim! I was trying to follow Guy's excellent verse and now I'm so glad I didn't post-that is magnificent!

Ryan, thanks, but you should still post yours.

Of all the wicked
things she did, or misdeeds she
missed the chance to do,

it was that business
about the squid that made me
hide in Timbuktu.

Wonderful, M!

Hope you don't mind, Jim -

they inked Jane's tattoo
with Fukushima squid ink
- she glows in the dark

:)
as long as you are ready to be haunted, Ryan ;P

Drowning in light
She calls for some ink
Making shadows call

Thank you M. It is a rather odd line, isn't it?

Jim, beautiful imagery in this! Right on. M, squid ink in Timbuktu? LOL! So funny! Ryan, an excellent continuation! Brilliant! (No, pun NOT intended.) Lilian, also an excellent continuation.

what's in a word will wash away

The shadows called Jane,
condemned her glowing black ink
with unspoken words.
Her writing is on the wall
That fell to the ocean's tide.

Jane rises to ice
She sinks to the fire
Water flows well

That is stunning, Guy! What a beautiful title, too. I really like this one a lot.

Gonna break your guys' awesome streak with something probably not so good. It's HaikuWriMo again, so I've been writing a haiku a day, except these are real haiku (not 575, about nature. lol.)


red blood sunrise
reflects onto fallen
snow--newly spilled

Thank you Ryan.

Kat, this continues the excellent streak! This is a lovely Haiku. It continues Lilian's lovely continuation. Very well done, Lilian and Kat, both.

Let's see if I can do a real one. Hmmmmmmm. [Sorry Kat, I know it is improper, but I've grown to like giving them titles.]

a fall of leaves

The red river ran
awash in the late day sun
and the fall of leaves.
The limbs bare time's truth
but still warm to the sun's breath.

Kat! Hi stranger :) Your writing is NEVER an interruption. Very beautiful return to form.

Excellent continuation, Guy. Your 'real' haiku are just as clever as your...ah....unreal ones :)

in river shadows
willows weep for seasons lost
- for dreams unfulfilled

Stifling nights I dreamed
woodwinds’ fingers in her hair,
of beach huts’ palm fronds.

Graveyard still
The blood drips down
Pretty doll

Thank you very muchly!

When Drac was writing
5-7-5, he’d forget
he wasn’t alive.

Thank you, Belly! It’s a very nice blog. Oh, and there’s one of my recent favorites of yours: “cups & measures.”

Lilian wrote: "Graveyard still
The blood drips down
Pretty doll"

Lillian, I love the continuation! A small note on the construction. Our little Haiku thread will bastardize just about every element of what it means for a poem to be Haiku, but we tend to keep to a 5-7-5 or 5-7-5-7-7 format.

we bastards have rights too, you know. ;P

And you can add an explanatory line in the form of a title.

Guy wrote: "Lilian wrote: "Graveyard still
The blood drips down
Pretty doll"

Lillian, I love the continuation! A small note on the construction. Our little Haiku thread will bastardize just about every elemen..."
SOrry. How's this?

Living lights
Darkness dies off
Hate all love

No apology required!
And, Lilian, I am very impressed! Excellent effort with an even more restrictive form. You have done your research, and gone to what is now considered the 'proper' format for Haiku in English.

But, sigh, and alas, the WSS Haiku thread is a bastard creature, and we have clung to the old format of 5-7-5 syllables. Well, with Belly's prompting, we will now even put titles on them and do Tanka too. So, you can let your Haiku belt out a little, and enjoy some excess verbal fat.

If I were to put yours in the WSS 5-7-5, I would write it, perhaps as:

Here is living light
at the point where darkness dies
in hate for love's light.

[Or something like that.]

Belly's blog is an excellent resource on all things Haiku, senryu and Tanka. See his link above.

Jim Pascual Agustin wrote: "we bastards have rights too, you know. ;P"

LOL! Well, that is what you would like to think! Bwahahahahahahahahha! Of course, this is a pirate ship, where mocking the bastards would epitomize political incorrectness.

Will do! THanks for the tips. WHen are you going to message me back?

Bastard's delight
Screwing the rules loose
Parent's don't approve
What have we got to lose?
Are all gone so fast?

((Okay, did I screw up on the syllables there? I can't tell.))

Alex (Al) wrote: "Almost Lilian! Your getting the hang of it." THanks Al, but how exactly did I mess up?

Hello Lilian. I sometimes get behind on my PMs.

Lilian, you did indeed screw-up on the syllables. It would seem that you were not well taught (or are an inattentive student, which given your obvious intelligence could be the case). Syllables are, roughly, the natural vocative breaks between consonant-vowel clusters.

So, the word cluster is comprised of two syllables - clus-ter. Water likewise two: wa-ter.

Of course English is nasty. So, likewise is also two syllables, like-wise. Nasty is also two, na-sty.

So, to scan syllabically your previous Tanka, you have the following:


ba-stard's (2) de-light (2) = 4
Screw-ing (2) the (1) rules(1) loose (1) = 5
Pa-rents (2) don't (1) a-pprove(2) = 5
What (1) have (1) we (1) got (1) to (1) lose (1) = 6
Are (1) all (1) gone (1) so (1) fast (1) = 5

So, re-writing this in 'proper' tanka 5-7-5 -7-7 could look something like:

The bastard's delight
was screwing with her house rules.
Parents don't approve
what do we have left to lose
that hasn't already fled?

Or something like that.

Notice that hasn't has taken on a two syllable role here - that is because of the tongue movement in the mouth - back forward back. Whereas don't took on 1 - back forward. (Syllables are related to Iambs.)

Somewhere in the WSS - Grammar, I think - M has written clearly about Iambs in poetry. Best description I've ever read.

Good luck.

Ha! Belly, you rock!

Naughty students cry
Lust-lorn professors sigh
Too bad they’re bi
((Well?))

LOL! RotFL!
But I would use a feather duster, Belly, and tie you to the chair with leather and chrome and a feather boa for a gag!


the feather belly buster

With feather in hand
I will dust Belly's bad feet
and tickle him pink
on the truth of syllables
and improper iambics.

This is scary in so many ways...

Not only are we all bastards, we're perverted bastards!

Belly wrote: "Lilian wrote: "Not only are we all bastards, we're perverted bastards!"

It's all M's fault."
Blaming 'innocent' M? Why, Belly! If that haiku hadn't done it, I would be ashamed of you! (Excpet then I'd be a hypocrite ;P))

Lilian wrote: "Naughty students cry
Lust-lorn professors sigh
Too bad they’re bi
((Well?))"


ROTFL! So funny! My face is smiling so wide it might break!

[I'll be adding to this post shortly. Change of venue.]

Later Addendum
Lllian, still not quite on form. A fine poem, but not quite 5-7-5. But very , very funny. Try again.

Proof against conscience,
a stranger to shame, with suave
ease I shoulder blame.

Thank you, Belly!

*nod* I agree with Al.

I’m shocked, simply shocked.

*WINKS*

LOL!

M, darling, I assure you, this is nothing compared to some other places online. Trust me.

O.O doppelgangers. doppelgangers everywhere.