Phil > Phil's Quotes

“My soul knows your soul. In any time.”
― Blake Crouch, Recursion

“But ultimate safety does not exist. Those who trust in such will find that hope dashed upon the very rock behind which they seek to hide.”
― Timothy Zahn, Star Wars: Thrawn

“I love my son. He means everything to me. And yet, I can’t escape the feeling that I’m failing him.”
― Blake Crouch, Dark Matter

“In other words, in the long list, most everything is about a leader’s character; only a single characteristic pertains to giftedness (teaching). Depending on how the traits are counted, the ratio is as drastic as twelve to one. There’s nothing on this list about being a strong leader, being able to cast a vision, or being charismatic or dynamic. I am not suggesting those aspects of leadership are irrelevant, but they certainly are not the heart of God’s concern for a pastor. Nor are they ever to trump God’s concern over character. As the Reformer Martin Bucer noted, “It is better to take those who may be lacking in eloquence and learning, but are genuinely concerned with the things of Christ.”33 When this God-given ratio is reversed and churches prefer giftedness over character, churches inevitably begin to overlook a pastor’s character flaws because he’s so successful in other areas. Leadership performance becomes the shield that protects the pastor from criticism. As Michael Jensen observed, “We frequently promote narcissists and psychopaths. Time and time again, we forgive them their arrogance. We bracket out their abuses of their power, because we feel that we need that power to get things done.”34”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“And because I love the church—Christ’s own bride—I am now compelled to do something about it.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Such leaders embody the essence of spiritual abuse—they are domineering, authoritarian, and heavy-handed in the way they rule those under their care.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Church leaders are the primary audience because they are the ones who can prevent spiritual abuse. They can stop bully pastors.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“While most pastors are gentle, kind, and patient, others have a proverbial knee on the neck of their sheep. They’ve been doing it for years with little or no consequences. And despite the pleas of the people, other pastors and elders sometimes stand by and let it happen. They may even defend the bully pastor. In sum, the problem is not just the abuse. It’s also the larger context that allows it to continue unchallenged.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“But there’s a bigger issue when it comes to accountability: most elder boards or leadership boards are not composed of the type of leaders who will stand up to narcissistic bully pastors. Narcissists are remarkably good at forming alliances, building a network of supporters, and laying the groundwork for a future alienation of perceived enemies. They often groom their supporters through flattery, promises, and other forms of ingratiation.35 Most elder boards aren’t prepared for this level of coordinated manipulation.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Maybe we have hired men more eager to call down thunder than to don the servant’s towel and wash people’s feet.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom-related goals.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“In his mind, he is so significant to the work of the kingdom, so important, so valuable that he feels justified in doing nearly anything to keep that ministry on track. If people get run over, then that’s because they got in the way of the great kingdom work he’s doing—collateral damage, so to speak. In a sick, twisted way, he is crushing people for the glory of God.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Even so, if the lead pastor seems to be at the center of nearly every conflict, with a “debris field” of broken relationships in his wake, then a more thorough investigation is warranted”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Those who prop up bad leaders and turn a blind eye to their abusive behavior will someday have to give an account of their own actions.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“As John Calvin put it, “Christ appoints pastors of His Church, not to rule, but to serve.”17”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“The minister of Christ’s church is not to be a person who accomplishes goals by manipulation or intimidation or with a demanding spirit. In other words, a spiritually abusive person is disqualified from ministry.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“If a person is not gentle and lowly, but instead a bully and arrogant, then he should not be a pastor.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“If someone is motivated to protect their power and authority, then that naturally leads to being willing to domineer their flocks.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“When the rare church finally removes a pastor for abuse, that just leads to the next questions: Why did it take you so long to act? Why did you tolerate this behavior for twenty-five years?”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Often, before the narcissistic pastor is exposed publicly, there are years of painful smaller encounters that are covered up.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“People don’t see the overall pattern because the victims of abuse don’t speak out for fear of reprisal. They just leave, and the abusive pastor remains.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Also, abusive pastors often have unresolved conflict. They are typically estranged from many of the people they used to work with.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“But they, like all humans, default to the idea that the person in front of them is telling the truth, especially if that person has a long track record of seemingly faithful ministry.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Most elder boards, church courts, and boards of directors for Christian ministries are composed of insiders, not outsiders. They are usually composed of the leader’s close friends, sometimes even family members. How, then, can they have objectivity in holding that leader accountable?”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“First, victims should not be asked to meet with an abusive pastor unless he has been held accountable.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Second, victims should not meet with an abusive pastor unless he is genuinely repentant.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“It’s not enough that the abusive pastor merely claims to be repentant. He must demonstrate repentance to a governing body that is able to evaluate it properly.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Third, victims should not meet with an abusive pastor until they are emotionally and spiritually ready.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“He wants what all abusive leaders want: peace without repentance and accountability.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Spiritual abuse is allowed to continue because willing supporters protect and enable that pastor.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church