Bryan > Bryan's Quotes

“For example, humanism, the central philosophy of our schools and society, teaches that man is above all else, that he alone is the center of meaning. Teaching that man has meaning totally apart from God, humanism leaves morality, justice, and behavior to the discretion of “enlightened” man and encourages people to worship man and nature rather than God. Living without God’s divine truth, humanity sinks lower and lower in depravity, blindly following a philosophy that intends to heighten the dignity of man but instead lowers him to the level of animals.”
― Robert S. McGee, The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God's Eyes

“Many misguided preachers have used rejection and guilt as a forceful means of motivation. They expound on our weaknesses, our failures, our unworthiness, and our inability to measure up to Christ’s high standards. Not only is our performance declared unworthy, but we are left feeling denounced, devalued, and devastated. As a result, thousands who have been broken by this rejection have left the church without understanding Christ’s accepting, unconditional love, a love that never uses condemnation to correct behavior.”
― Robert S. McGee, The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God's Eyes

“Instead of protecting George Floyd, these officers protected their fellow officer. Sadly, the same patterns of abuse in the George Floyd case are sometimes found in the church. While most pastors are gentle, kind, and patient, others have a proverbial knee on the neck of their sheep. They’ve been doing it for years with little or no consequences. And despite the pleas of the people, other pastors and elders sometimes stand by and let it happen. They may even defend the bully pastor. In sum, the problem is not just the abuse. It’s also the larger context that allows it to continue unchallenged.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“In 2020 Christianity Today broke the story of how Timmis was removed from Acts 29 because of reports of abusive leadership, bullying, intimidation, heavy shepherding, and even threats of church discipline for those who resisted him.20 Those who worked with Timmis stated that when confronted with these behaviors, he not only refused to receive critical feedback but would often reverse the accusations, making the challengers out to be the real problem. They were just troublemakers, stirring up dissension in the church. Andy Stowell, a former elder at the Crowded House, summed it up this way: “People were and are afraid of Steve Timmis.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“In other words, Jesus knows that the default position for those in authority is to domineer and squash those they lead. Then comes the punch line: “But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” (vv. 43–44, emphasis mine). Jesus’s ministry model is paradoxical. You don’t lead by demanding your rights but by giving them up. For the bully pastor, the first will be first. But for the godly pastor, the first shall be last. As Paul Tripp put it, “Jesus reminds the disciples that they haven’t been called to lordship but to servanthood.”40”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“DEFENSIVE. When it comes to pastoral ministry, one thing is clear: criticism is part of the job. Rightly or wrongly, every pastor will be criticized for something. But what happens when you criticize a spiritually abusive pastor bent on preserving his own authority? In short, it’s war. Abusive pastors are notoriously thin-skinned, seeing even the slightest bit of criticism as a threat to their power. Case after case of spiritual abuse has shown that criticism is often the trigger that leads a pastor to turn on a staff member or parishioner, leading to retaliation, threats, and vindictive behavior. To snuff out criticism, an abusive pastor will often silence, shame, or isolate a person, making them feel like they are insubmissive, insubordinate, and undermining the church’s God-given leadership.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Here’s the reality: pastors accused of spiritual abuse are often accomplishing something helpful for the kingdom—expanding the reach of the gospel, planting churches, helping the poor. Their ministries look blessed. This appearance of blessing not only makes the abusive pastor sure that he’s done nothing wrong, but it also convinces others of his innocence. They refuse to believe any accusations. To allow such a possibility would wreck the tidy world they have built around that spiritual leader.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“And in a tragically ironic turn, the defenders of the abusive pastor often raise questions about the integrity and the character of the victims, suggesting they are out to slander or malign the leader’s “good name.” So the doctrine of total depravity is forgotten when it comes to the pastor but remembered when it comes to the victims.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“For one, to say all sins are the same is to confuse the effect of sin with the heinousness of sin. While all sins are equal in their effect (they separate us from God), they are not all equally heinous. The Bible clearly differentiates between sins. Certain sins are more severe in impact (1 Cor. 6:18), in culpability (Rom. 1:21–32), in judgment warranted (2 Peter 2:17; Mark 9:42; James 3:1), and in whether one is qualified for ministry (1 Tim. 3:1–”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Aside from the profound lack of charity and compassion in such a response, not to mention the demeaning way it portrays women, it also has logical flaws. For one, why is it that victims of abuse are the only ones whose personal experience affects their judgment? Does the personal experience of church elders not affect their judgment? Couldn’t a positive personal church experience make it harder to spot abuse? Or lead one to believe it is exceptionally unlikely? And couldn’t their friendship with the senior pastor also affect their judgment?”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Even though the victims of spiritual abuse have suffered greatly (more on this topic in the next chapter), one tactic of abusive leaders is to talk about how much they’ve suffered. They will go to great lengths to describe how much pain they are in because of the unresolved “conflict” with those accusing them. They will tell how they have lost sleep, been wracked with anxiety, and are “deeply saddened” by the whole affair.28 Even Saruman wanted to talk about the “injuries that have been done to me.”29 This move is designed to engender sympathy not for the victims but for the abuser. Again, it is designed to flip the script. To produce even more sympathy, some abusive leaders then appeal to how the whole situation has affected their spouse or their family. They might point out how much their wife has suffered or how their kids are heartbroken and disillusioned.30 This tactic is effective precisely because we ought to feel sympathy for the family members harmed by the scandal. Often the spouses and children are unaware of how the pastor has mistreated others (though some spouses enable and defend their husband’s abusive behavior and sometimes even participate in his deceptions). Indeed, some church courts feel less inclined to prosecute such a pastor because they feel sorry for his family, which “has suffered enough.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Those affected by spiritual abuse feel much as Frodo did. Though they try to put their old life back together, they realize things will never be the same. Some wounds go too deep. Often their one consolation, like Frodo, is that their courage to speak may have protected and saved others. Though they may never experience the beauty of church again in the same way, perhaps their actions have preserved the church so others can. Unfortunately, some churches have minimized the problem, unaware of how deep these wounds run, sometimes even insisting that victims should just “get over it” and move on with their lives. The purpose of this chapter is to push back against this misconception by exploring these wounds of spiritual abuse more fully. If churches are to be motivated to act—to proactively guard against abusive pastors—they have to come face-to-face with the devastating effects of spiritual abuse.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. PTSD is not uncommon in cases of spiritual abuse. After fearful, dangerous, or traumatic events, people often suffer for months (even years) with the aftereffects of those events, including upsetting memories, fear, sadness, nervousness, and bursts of anxiety.6 In short, “people who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger.”7 For spiritual abuse survivors, experiences that remind them of their abusive pastor or church situation usually trigger these effects. These triggers could be something as simple as going to church, hearing a sermon, or seeing individuals from their former church. A complicating factor in spiritual abuse cases is that the abuse is perpetrated by an institution or a person the victim knew and trusted, known as “institutional betrayal.”8 Studies have shown that abuse within a trusted relationship is significantly more traumatic than abuse by a stranger. And there is a natural trust that is fostered between a church member and their pastor (and the larger leadership body). Smith and Freyd show that such betrayal has a substantial emotional impact: “Betrayal trauma is associated with higher rates of a host of outcomes, including posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), dissociation, anxiety, [and] depression.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“CHARACTER OVER COMPETENCY. When churches put together a candidate profile, they need to begin by laying out a vision for what they think a senior pastor ought to be. By walking through the key texts on Christian leadership (as we did in chapter 3), they can show that they are committed to a leader who is not a bully but gentle (1 Tim. 3:3; cf. Titus 1:7); not out for shameful gain but eagerly serving (1 Peter 5:2); not domineering but setting an example (1 Peter 5:3); and not quarrelsome but kind (2 Tim. 2:24). To be sure, this doesn’t mean the search committee cares only about character. Competency in a number of areas matters too. But the church needs to be clear that giftedness is not the only—or main—thing they are looking for.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“To peel back the layers of a candidate’s character, I suggest some additional steps: • Ask for permission to contact those who worked under the candidate in their prior two jobs. This would include assistant pastors, administrative assistants, ministry coordinators, and more. These individuals, if allowed to speak confidentially, would give significantly more accurate information about the candidate’s character. • Make sure to reach out to women at the candidate’s prior church, either a volunteer leader or female staff. In my experience, search committees almost never talk to women but only men—and only men handpicked by the candidate. That is a broken system. Women often have a radically different perspective on their church than the men do. • Ask for permission to speak to the elders of the candidate’s prior church, and not just the ones the candidate handpicks. Their evaluation of the pastor after his departure (confidentially, of course) would be enlightening.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“GENUINE TRANSPARENCY. Spiritual abuse grows and thrives in church cultures that emphasize silence, secrecy, and self-protection. In contrast, churches that operate with openness and transparency build a culture that resists abuse. Here are a few ways to be more transparent: • It might surprise you that in many denominations, the elders meeting is public and open to any church member. They are free to come and observe. Some churches even allow for questions. In certain circumstances that require confidentiality, an elder meeting might need to go to “executive session.” But in most cases, church business is open business. It would be wise for churches to advertise the openness of their elder meetings and even encourage members to come. Holding the elders meeting in a larger venue like the church sanctuary or chapel is one way to encourage more people to attend. Churches might be surprised how differently their elders operate (in a good way) once other people are in the room watching them.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“ABUSE TRAINING. Churches invest a lot of time into training their leaders—elders, deacons, and staff positions—about both theological and practical issues. And in recent years, many churches have emphasized training staff about child sexual abuse and how to spot it. Similarly, I think church staffs need to undertake some formal training in spiritual abuse. At a minimum, the elders need this sort of training, but arguably other key church leaders need it too. Pastors could even do a sermon series on God’s vision for what authority and leadership in a church should look like and how it can be misconstrued. Openly discussing this issue can transform a church’s culture because it reminds people of what Christian leadership ought to be.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“THIRD-PARTY INVESTIGATION. Recent studies on spiritual abuse have highlighted multiple problems with the current system, but one of the most significant is the way abuse allegations are “investigated.” Typically, such investigations are done in-house, often by friends or colleagues of the abusive pastor and by people who have no real training on how to identify abuse. Of course, many of these in-house investigations end up vindicating the abusive pastor. Again, this is precisely what happened with Bill Hybels, Steve Timmis, and James MacDonald. The initial “investigation” in each of these cases supposedly exonerated these leaders. It was only later, upon closer scrutiny, that the abuse was recognized.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“the prior chapters have led to this one. If spiritual abuse is a real problem in the church today (and it is), if this abuse is contrary to Scripture and disqualifying for ministry (and it is), if abusive leaders and churches often retaliate against the victims with cruel and aggressive tactics (and they do), and if these tactics are devastating to the lives of the victims (and they are), then there is only one conclusion: churches must do something to protect their sheep. It’s not enough to be aware. It’s not enough to care. Churches must act. And this chapter has laid out three critical categories in which churches can take action. Prevention: Churches must do their best to weed out abusive candidates from the start by creating a vision for ministry that is radically biblical and therefore unattractive to leaders with abusive tendencies. Accountability: Too many churches have a culture of secrecy, self-protection, and image management—factors that create an ideal environment for spiritual abuse. In contrast, churches must create a culture that is open, transparent, and provides genuine accountability for its senior leadership. And finally, Protection: Churches must have a clear, well-organized plan for how to handle abuse claims and care for and protect the victims during the process.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Okay, let’s just get it out there. Most pastors believe their church is different. It has fixed all those pesky weaknesses found in other churches. Your church is not ingrown; it plants other churches. It’s not doctrinally loose, but it’s a church (finally!) that’s theologically sound. It’s not behind the times and out of date but in touch with culture and community. Or the opposite: it’s not beholden to the culture but faithful to the past. It doesn’t preach that way; it preaches this way. And on it goes. In short, we tend to think that no one does church quite like we do. Now, that may sound a little blunt (and probably even a bit unfair). You might insist that you don’t think that way. You have a sober, level-headed, realistic view of your ministry. Perhaps that’s true. And if it is, that would be encouraging. But after nearly thirty years of ministry—and many of those years spent training other ministers—I can tell you that genuinely humble assessments of one’s own ministry are rare. Most pastors are tempted to believe (even if they wouldn’t say it this way) that there is something unique and special and unprecedented about what they’ve done.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

“Again, it’s not that different from abusive parents. Imagine a father who thinks his number one job is not to provide, protect, encourage, teach, and love his child but to perpetually correct his child’s shortcomings. The bulk of his attention is devoted to discovering everything wrong with his thirteen-year-old son, which could be a full-time job if he wanted to make it such. And then he has to figure out how to discipline his son once he discovers such things. Before you know it, that father has created an oppressive and fearful household environment.”
― Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church