The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating

by Kiera Van Gelder

In fact, Dr. Linehan devised this approach to therapy after discovering that trying to help people with BPD could be like pouring salt in a wound. We can’t tolerate criticism and judgment. For us, therapy’s constant emphasis on “fixing ourselves” and the pressure to change is like pushing someone whose back is already against the wall—a wall full of spikes. When the focus is solely on change, we tend to flee therapy or stay very angry and defensive. On the other hand, too much unconditional acceptance by the therapist can keep us stuck. In either case, we often get worse. So Dr. Linehan took an approach that no one else seemed to have considered. While her psychiatric training was in cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on changing problematic thoughts, feelings, and actions, her personal experience with Zen Buddhism taught her that compassion, nonjudgment, and mindfulness can normalize our experience and help us trust and accept ourselves.