Yet all cheerleading and small pieces of evidence aside (Yay! I’ve showered today!), a backward glance at my life reaffirms that I’ve been caught in a cycle of failures and breakdowns for decades. This evidence outweighs everything else. In the dialectic of “I’m helpless” versus “I’m capable,” I need evidence beyond my own life. I need to see that others have moved beyond being stuck in this downward spiral. I need a faith, of sorts, that can create an actual dialectic, because right now, despite my determination to get better, the situation is “I’m fucked” and “I don’t know how to get
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