First Grave on the Right (Charley Davidson, #1)

by Darynda Jones

Better to see dead than be dead.

While I normally weighed around 125 … ish,

SERIOUSLY?! We're using "ish" for someone who weighs that little?! Why can't characters ever be 130 or more? WITHOUT having to read specialty Big Beautiful Woman genre.

I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

I had breasts aplenty.

Of course she does. Because 95% of female characters are skinny w/big boobs. Unless you're reading a specific smaller niche genre.

Never knock on death’s door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.

Genius has its limitations. Insanity … not so much.

Crazy as a june bug on crack.

Denise left me on the bench by the kitchen to go tell on me to Dad.

I wouldn't be surprised if Denise arranged it. Or left on purpose hoping someone would kidnap her.

I couldn’t help but hold out hope that his conviction was all some big misunderstanding. That Reyes had been wrongfully accused. That the evidence had been mishandled or even fabricated.

Or supernaturaly justified?

Well-behaved women rarely make history. —LAUREL THATCHER ULRICH

If I couldn’t be a good example, I’d just have to be a horrible warning.

Sarcasm. Only one of the services offered.

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

Born with a hatchet and a juggalo face. But im not a martian you wouldnt understand. Im just a dead Body man.

Seriously, how could I be expected to do my job?

Especially since it's unpaid & she's super fragile & mortal.

“That took balls.” “Please,” I said with a snort, “that took ovaries. Of which I have two.” He turned to me, a new appreciation lighting his face. “Have I mentioned that I’m a licensed gynecologist? If your ovaries ever need anything…”

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

OMG a Dragon quote!!! 💜💚