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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Susan Piver
Read between
November 4, 2018 - November 19, 2021
1. My breakup occurred ______________ days/months/years ago, and since that time my primary emotions have been ______________, ______________, and ______________. 2. The last time I felt feelings such as these was when ______________. What I notice when I compare these two experiences is
______________. (If you’ve never experienced heartbreak before, leave blank.) 3. The thing that has been the most difficult for me since this relationship ended is _____________________________________________. 4. When I think about our breakup, the thought or thoughts that plague(s) me over and over is/are _______________________________. 5. I feel the pain of this loss most acutely when I ____________________________________. 6. What I miss most about our relationship is ____________________________________. 7. What I don’t miss about our relationship is ____________________________________.
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9. The unforeseen benefit of this breakup is ____________________________________. 10. If I could take him back right now, I would/would not and here’s why: _______________. ] 11. The most important thing I need...
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will find love again so that I can be strong enough to make the world a better place.”
Before this relationship ended: 1. I believed that my most important problems were: 2. My closest friends were: 3. I spent most of my spare time: 4. My number one aspiration was: 5. I ranked my priorities as follows (place a number by each priority; add ones that may be missing): __________ Career/School __________ Family __________ Friends
__________ Health __________ Money __________ Romance __________ Self-Discovery __________ Spirituality Now that this relationship has ended: 6. I believe that my most important problems are: 7. My closest friends are: 8. I spend most of my spare time: 9. My number one aspiration is: 10. I rank my priorities as follows (place a number by each priority; add ones that may be missing): __________ Career/School __________ Family
__________ Friends __________ Health __________ Money __________ Romance __________ Self-Disco...
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If my sadness could speak, what it would tell me today is: ____________________________________. Before the breakup, I would describe my three best qualities as ________, ________, and ________. Now I would say they are _______, _______, and _______.
Before the breakup, I would describe the three most essential qualities in a life partner as ________, ________, and ________. Now I would say they are ________, ________, and ________. The person I would most like to discuss my broken heart with is _______. The question I would ask him or her is: _______. What I would hope to learn is _______.
but whenever I focus in on a difficult feeling, close my eyes, and think, “I offer it,” I feel liberated and uplifted. Try it. When you are in the pits
For example, when you feel grief, where does it manifest in your body? Does it weigh down your chest, close your throat, or make your shoulders ache? How about disappointment or anger or any of the other feelings that have become your companions? If your emotion had a color, what would it be? If your emotion could speak to you (instead of the other way around), what would it say? When you suddenly feel a pang of emotion, positive or negative, can you go back and pinpoint the exact moment it arose? These
The next time you feel an emotion that you just want to run from, grab your journal, turn to an empty page, and make two columns. In fact, you may want to draw the columns and questions in your journal now so you don’t have to look for this section when you’re also trying to run from that emotion. In the left-hand column, quickly write down the one to three thoughts that are bothering you the most. For example, you might include things such as, “I’ll never, ever find love again,” or “It’s all my fault,” or “There is something so wrong with me that I always choose the wrong guy.” In the second
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The moment you arrive at the correct physical analogy for your difficult emotion, turn all your attention to the sensation, not the thought that provoked it. Don’t try to dispel it but, instead, relax with it by turning your attention to it.
When the one you love does not choose you on the deepest level, although he may actually love you in his own (bizarre) way, the pain of not being chosen is too much to bear. In a great show of self-respect and personal dignity, she elected to end it rather than tolerate being less than fully embraced.
The grief-stricken soul can come up with some pretty wacky justifications for why it’s a good idea to get with someone who doesn’t love you quite enough. Or you could make an airtight case for why he’s a complete asshole in an effort to drum up sufficient outrage and resentment to drown out the sorrow. You could give up and just lie around numbly,
The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti said, “When you begin to notice what you are without trying to change it, what you are begins to undergo transformation.” Through the simple act of noticing, you will transform heartbreak into wisdom. 9
love affairs and relationships are actually two different things. It just so happens that we expect our intimate relationships to be both and, if you’re very lucky, one day you’ll find one that is. In the meantime, though, here are some things to remember about love affairs: they live and die on kindness; both parties have to be willing to give their hearts completely and then let go; and, most important, love really, truly does heal all.
sacred texts is that control is an illusion. When you understand that ultimately you are not the doer, you can step back from yourself. That is the only path to serenity. In other words, letting go of the illusion of control, and realizing that you never had control in the first place, allows you to live in the most dazzlingly intelligent, beautiful, and kind reality that you could ever
have imagined—and beyond what you could have imagined.
The antidote to longing is always, always to try to appreciate something that is actually present.
So, to recap: to counter longing, pay attention to the present moment; to counter rage, invite
sadness; and to reverse disheartenment, introduce an element of precision to your environment.
Here is an exercise to put you in touch with your inner Queen: Set up two chairs facing each other. Get two pens and two pieces of paper. Sit in one chair with a pen and paper, and then place the other pen and paper on the facing chair. In your chair, let all the sorrow you feel rise to the surface. It’s okay if you cry. Check in with any feelings of worthlessness you might have and let them fill you. Without going into too much detail, very simply write down what about yourself makes you feel ashamed. It could be something like “I’m too needy” or “I’m too unattractive to find love again” or
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Now imagine that in the chair opposite you sits your strongest, kindest, most resilient and powerful self. She gazes on you with immeasurable understanding and kindness. Get a sense of her presence, her expression, even her clothing. Put the pen and paper you’ve been using down on your chair and switch seats. Pick up the new pen and paper and hold them in your lap. Close your eyes and feel what it’s like to inhabit this you, the one who is so strong and kind and fully alive. Imagine looking at your low-self-esteem self in the opposite chair and let your heart fill with gentleness toward her.
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Second of all, a Queen is never summoned. You can’t just ring her up and get her to pop over, no matter how delectable the treats are that you are offering. She doesn’t say, “How high?” when you say, “Jump!” She has her own life, her own agenda, her own ways of doing things. To give up this privilege is a grievous mistake. No matter how difficult, it is far better to give up a relationship in which you can be summoned than stick around and hope for the best.
Make a list of the thoughts that plague you most at this time. Don’t try to reason with them or counter them with your excellent logic. Depending on how vicious your inner demons are, you’ll probably have three to ten most popular evil thoughts. Write them down. Begin each statement with “I.” For
Give each one a name: Shame, Anger, Terror, Disappointment, Grief. Don’t get too fancy,
bit, but instead of entering into a dialogue with me about how screwed up I was, she quite
When you are touched by another’s sweetness, don’t try to compare it to past or future loves, simply drink in that sweetness and feel its delicate softness until it’s gone.
But there was no ring. Instead, he handed me a little heart-shaped box. Inside was a backyard bird feather and a smooth white stone. “This is
us,” he said. “I’m the rock and you’re the feather. Fly all you want. That’s just who you are. I’ll make our situation stable. That’s who I am.”
Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you’re going to love your life together.
My broken heart became my greatest spiritual teacher, and I emerged from my little experiment a way stronger person who was both more vulnerable to love and less afraid of it at the same time.
They are: making offerings, requesting blessings, and dedicating the merit. Let’s look at each of these three steps and then review how to employ all three to create a week of introspection and healing.
please create such an altar in your home.
