Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

by Amir Levine

All I had to guide me was the common belief that many of us grow up with: The belief that love conquers all. And so I let love conquer me.

adults show patterns of attachment to their romantic partners similar to the patterns of attachment of children with their parents.

All these seemingly erratic thoughts and behaviors—activating strategies—had one goal: to establish closeness with David.

Remember, an activated attachment system is not passionate love. Next time you date someone and find yourself feeling anxious, insecure, and obsessive—only to feel elated every once in a while—tell yourself this is most likely an activated attachment system and not love!

Conflict is often left unresolved because the resolution itself creates too much intimacy.

Your only crime has been to become too close to someone who can’t tolerate it.

In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the other’s emotional well-being.