Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

by Amir Levine

It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on—this is the “dependency paradox.”

If you want to take the road to independence and happiness, find the right person to depend on and travel down it with that person.

When our partner is unable to meet our basic attachment needs, we experience a chronic sense of disquiet and tension that leaves us more exposed to various ailments. Not only is our emotional well-being sacrificed when we are in a romantic partnership with someone who doesn’t provide a secure base, but so is our physical health.

Protest behavior is any action that tries to reestablish contact with your partner and get their attention. There

This means that once your attachment system is activated, you will find it much harder to “turn it off” if you have an anxious attachment style.

being anxious means that she thrives on intimate, supportive relationships that are stable and long-lasting, and that uncertainty and emotional unavailability get her activated and preoccupied, or in a word, miserable.