But I had lost control, and I knew it. My entire life revolved around the vicious cycle of hating what I saw in the mirror, using food to comfort and quiet those thoughts and feelings, and then punishing myself with exercise and starvation to try to fix this body that seemed to be the source of all my pain. I was at war with myself. There seemed to be no escape from the demons; that hopelessness and agony led to thoughts of suicide. And I started to realize that I couldn’t fix this on my own.
