I vowed to fill the emotional space between us so that I could feel safe, but I could not fill that space with truth. My parents’ inability to express their truths modeled for me that it was inappropriate for me to express mine. Their comfort seemed to rely on pleasantries, perfectionism, and emotional isolation. And so, to be closer to them, or to move them closer to me, I chose to try to be their beautiful, perfect, gifted, quiet, and easy child. Maybe then I would be worthy—perhaps then I could finally get the fullness of their hearts.
