Colin (Unexpected, #6)

by Cora Rose

A laugh bubbles out of me. Pathetic. Getting off to a three-hundred-year-old man. I need a hobby.

Dorito is on his wheel again, squeaking away. I swear to god, he wakes up to watch the show. Little pervert.

“Did you know Paul Revere was an amateur dentist and an artist?” Ethan asks suddenly, and I blink over at him. Okay, is he trying to get me to suck his dick again? Because that’s how you get me to suck a dick. I am a total whore for historical facts.

I have been reduced to a child. I am two years old now.

Perhaps I should have a cup, or twelve. Really get my heart rate going. Death by caffeine.

“I am going to hire an escort and name him Colin.”

Spoiler alert: I do not hire an escort. No, instead I find myself on Colin’s front porch, eyeing the man who is either going to make me or break me.

“Pull the weed, and I’ll go on this date. I’ll even dote on you. I will be the perfect partner. And at the end of the night, I won’t even fall asleep on you.”

“Jesus Christ, you are mean-spirited,” I mumble. “And who the hell would fall asleep on a date?”

“He is just a man with a dick. A dick of a man.”

I’m watering the weed.

I have lost my marbles, and I’m okay with that. Who needs them anyway?

I’m so glad Daniel is with Cat right now and he doesn’t have to witness his father’s mental breakdown.

“Are you just going to ignore me?” he asks, and I turn my head and meet his gaze, aiming the garden hose at him, squeezing the trigger, and spraying him with a rough stream of water.

Oh my god, I can’t believe I did that.

“What the fuck, Colin?” Ethan asks, his eyes narrowed, and I compress the handle again, spraying him more.

I’m helpless.

Oh god, he’s going to wreck me.

I whimper, and he ...

Where is Daniel when Colin is off on a motorcycle putting his life in danger? The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

I can see Brian checking her out, like he’s nearly leaning over to check out her arse. He’s so inappropriate. Honestly, this man was raised by wolves. Cat glances up and sees him, and instead of being disgusted, she waggles her eyebrows at him. Some kind of mating call, I presume. Jesus Christ.

Colin better get his arse home. He and I are going to have a talk.

“I do. I’ll take care of it. Now eat a fucking cookie, Colin, and tell me why on earth you went out on a date with a man who looks like he’s just been released from prison.”

I’m going to visit him tonight and we’re going to have a nice, long talk. And then I’m going to make him beg.

“I’m sorry. Forgive me. You have every right to sail off into the sunset with that scary man. I’m just a jealous knob.”

“We just got ice cream, that’s it,” he says softly. “Cash got bubblegum flavored with sprinkles on top. He’s not a murderer, just a bit of a marshmallow. He even gave me his jacket when I was cold.”

I’m going to fuck him, and when we’re done, completely spent, I’m going to hold him. Just cradle him in my arms. I’m going to tell him that he can have something for himself. He can. As long as it’s with me.

I am going to wreck him.

Colin nods and flops onto his stomach, his hair tousled, his body shaking from the aftershocks of his orgasm. “Mmmph,” he mumbles, and I smirk, feeling like a god.

I reach out my finger and pet his back, but he turns his tiny little head and snaps his teeth into my skin. Little bugger.

Well, you’ll meet your unfortunate end, you little twat. Hamsters always do. It’s never a nice, peaceful end either.

He’s going to spray me with the hose again, I just know it.

Then maybe I’ll eat his arse and he’ll forgive me.

Joel, my best friend, who is, in fact, not gay. And yet, for some unknown reason, is acting like he is. He’s currently looking at Colin like he single-handedly hung the moon. I am going to whack him over the head with a chair and drag him out of this restaurant caveman style. Just toss him right off a bridge. I just want to eat my dinner with my fake fiancé in peace, for fuck’s sake.

Actually, what Colin had said the first time John asked was, “I caught Ethan looking through my window. When he didn’t stop, I invited him over and he hasn’t left.”

“But I’m thinking I’d like to write my own vows—really let Ethan know how I feel about him.”

Now, why does that sound sarcastic and ominous?

“I’m sure it will be all good things,” I say, and Colin peers up at me, a shit-eating grin on his ...

“Oh, it will be all the be...

Two lonely souls grasping on to each other, holding on tight as we’re thrown around this tumultuous life.

“I don’t feel good,” he says groggily, and then leans over and unloads his dinner all over the stairs.

There is nothing more unsexy than throw up at the end of a date. A fake-date. Or whatever the fuck tonight was.

That’s where I find Ethan…wearing my blue kitchen gloves, bent over and scrubbing a step, a trash bag dangling from his hand. What the fuck?

He’s cleaning up my son’s mess for me. He stayed.

I’m pretty sure I won’t be seeing him again, not after this. Doesn’t matter how amazing the sex was. There are just some realities people can’t face. Children being one of them. They’re messy and unpredictable, and I know not everyone wants to be a parent.

Ethan doesn’t even do relationships, there’s no way that he’d want to be a father too.

I shift in my seat and my back twinges. I rub at it, catching Ethan’s eyes in the process. “What is it?” he asks. “He slept on my floor last night to make sure I didn’t barf on my bed. I’m really bad at aiming,” Daniel chimes in, and I smile.

And just seeing Daniel cuddled up next to him makes me melt. Let me tell you a secret. The way to a single parent’s heart is by being kind to their children. Be nice to them and we’ll be half in love with you on the very first day.

Ethan snorts and rips it from ground. And just like that, it’s over. A little too symbolic, if you ask me.

I’m going to miss this. Who would have thought that I’d be here, mourning the end of this?