Joel, my best friend, who is, in fact, not gay. And yet, for some unknown reason, is acting like he is. He’s currently looking at Colin like he single-handedly hung the moon. I am going to whack him over the head with a chair and drag him out of this restaurant caveman style. Just toss him right off a bridge. I just want to eat my dinner with my fake fiancé in peace, for fuck’s sake.
