Colin (Unexpected, #6)

by Cora Rose

COLIN My date has fallen asleep on me. His chin is on his chest, those long, dark lashes flush against his cheek. And he’s snoring. In the middle of a restaurant. He nodded off while I was mid-sentence. Fuck. This is my life now. Slowly killing my dates with boredom. This was not premeditated, Sheriff. Just plain old manslaughter. Death by small talk. Ben snorts a little in his sleep, and I run a hand across my jaw, looking around me at the other tables in the large dining room. Couples. Couples everywhere.

I groan, hearing that far too often. “God, don’t say that. I’m apparently too nice and that’s the problem.” My point is proven when I see Ben slide onto the back of a motorcycle ten minutes later. His arms wrap around a large, muscular dude who looks like he just got out of prison. The man—quite possibly a serial killer—even glowers at me, probably debating if I’m worth dismembering.

There is nothing better than reading about double penetration and rimming to keep my mind off the fact that I’m going to die alone.

Ethan pulls his pants down and kicks them off, leaving him clad only in his tight boxers. I can make out the shape of his hard cock beneath the fabric, and I press down on my own. Go down. Suddenly, his thumbs are hooking into his waistband and he’s tugging them off, his uncut cock released, so big and thick it nearly hits the window.

Our eyes had met as he grabbed on to his dick and began to jack himself. I couldn’t help but watch him. My eyes were glued to him with rapt, unmoving attention until he came all over his hand. It progressed from there, with me joining in on the action a few days later. So here I am tonight, finger fucking my ass while he gets off to the sight of it. Maybe that’s why I’m still single. I’m a pervert who gets off almost nightly with the neighbor he hates.

if there’s one thing Americans know, it’s how to beat the fucking British.

I cannot just go around flashing my dildo collection to any random man standing in his window.

This is for the weed outside. And for all of America, really. I won’t back down.

We just stand there staring at each other, his dick in his hand, the colossus dildo still stuffed up my ass. As much as I’d like to think that I showed him, I don’t think I showed him much besides the fact that I am a total slut for big dicks. Jesus fucking Christ. So no, this is not rock bottom, everyone. I have a ways to go yet. Look out below!

“You like what you see?” I try and tease, but I peg my prostate as those words leave my mouth and I end up whining. “Yes,” he groans. “You desperate little slut.” God, that word. I despise it. It’s degrading. “Say it again.”

“Daddy, look!” Daniel says, riding his bike around the cul-de-sac we live on. His helmet is on a little crooked, and for a moment, I worry that he’s going to crack his head open if he falls over. But then I remember that he’s not going all that fast and he’ll be okay. God, being a parent is nerve-wracking. We’re all just winging it, right? I have no idea if the choices I’m making on his behalf are the right ones. I’m just praying they are.

“When I first moved in. He was peering over the fence, spying. Much like his father, to be honest. And so I fed him. Seems he keeps coming back for more. Apparently, the rule ‘do not feed the wild animals’ has merit…”

Daniel suddenly comes barreling out, a piece of paper clutched in his hand, shoving it toward Ethan. “Here you go,” he says loudly. “I even used the colors you wanted. But I didn’t use green. I don’t like green.” I eye it—it’s a drawing Daniel was working on yesterday. Oh my god. Is Ethan trading Rice Krispies Treats for pictures my son draws? “Looks amazing,” Ethan says. “I can’t wait to add it to my collection.” Daniel high-fives him and then he’s off, pedaling like mad around the cul-de-sac. “Look at me, Mr. Ethan!” Daniel shouts, and I watch as my dreaded neighbor gives my son a thumbs-up.

Is it because he was in my room last night? He did touch my knee when he came. Maybe he thinks we’re married now.

I am going to remember that while I am rejected quite often, I am worth it. I will be worth it to someone. One day.

“Did you know Paul Revere was an amateur dentist and an artist?” Ethan asks suddenly, and I blink over at him. Okay, is he trying to get me to suck his dick again? Because that’s how you get me to suck a dick. I am a total whore for historical facts.

“This is your date?” Ethan asks, his words clipped and low. “Yes. I’m trying something new. The usual is just so…boring,” I say, letting my eyes move up and down him with a confidence I don’t feel. Because fuck, he looks so damn good. And let’s be honest, he’s totally my type. “Colin…” he starts, but I quickly shut the garage door and move toward Cash…or is this Ford? Shit, I have no idea who this is. One of Ben’s guys. “Bye, Ethan,” I say as I straddle the back of the motorcycle. The man hands me a helmet and I settle it on my head, trying not to look over at my neighbor who is glowering at us. When I’m clipped in, my hands move around the waist of the burly man and he revs the engine.

“I had a hamster once,” I tell him as he hands me a sunflower seed. “Is he still alive?” “Nope.” I reach in and hold out the seed to the hamster who sniffs his way over to it. “How did he die?” Well, he bit me, clinging on with those pointy teeth of his and I accidentally flung him into the fireplace. While it was on. He burned to a crisp.

I move to Dorito’s cage and see the hamster scrambling about. “Yeah, you little shit. Die already,” I hiss, and Dorito glowers up at me as if to say not today, fucker. I feed him a sunflower seed as a reward for standing up for himself, and he thanks me by biting me fiercely. Ungrateful little rodent.

“I told myself that I’d never fall for someone again…and then you walked into my life…. I am utterly and completely wrecked for you, Colin. Entirely fucking gone for you.”

Daniel eyes me and shrugs, digging into his Lucky Charms. “You look fine. Real fancy.” I look wrinkled and wrecked, but fuck, his compliment makes my chest expand. If I lived with them, I think I’d have a head the size of a watermelon. “Would you really like me to drop you off at school?” I ask, popping a Lucky Charm into my mouth, the marshmallow melting on my tongue. “Yep. I would. I just said that. Do you need hearing aids? How old are you?” “Thirty-six,” I say, and Daniel shovels more food into his mouth. “Oh, I thought you were sixty.” So maybe my head wouldn’t be as big as a watermelon. Daniel would keep me on my toes.

“I would never leave you, Ethan. I would stay forever. If you let me.”

An adorable golden head rounds the corner, followed by a guilty-looking Ethan. My eyes go wide as I take in the love of my life and the leashed golden retriever puppy pulling him forward. “Ethan Fox,” I say, my voice stern, my hands on my hips. “What on earth did you do?” “I did a wretched thing,” he says, looking glum and a little bit pouty. I arch an eyebrow at him. “Did you even get a hamster?” “I did,” he says and holds up a small travel carrier. “But I also got a dog.”