Colin (Unexpected, #6)

by Cora Rose

There is nothing better than reading about double penetration and rimming to keep my mind off the fact that I’m going to die alone.

I have an overwhelming urge to take one of my son’s Nerf guns and shoot him with it.

But he doesn’t have to deal with Daniel’s heartbreak, to see those sad little eyes when I tell him Pops canceled again. Thank god I haven’t yet mentioned when Daniel would be going to see him. I’ve learned to wait until the last possible minute to save him the disappointment.

I cannot just go around flashing my dildo collection to any random man standing in his window.

“You got the stuff?” Daniel asks like he’s conducting some kind of drug deal, and Ethan cocks an eyebrow before gesturing him to come closer. And then as slyly as he can, Ethan hands him a Rice Krispies Treat from his pocket.

Is it because he was in my room last night? He did touch my knee when he came. Maybe he thinks we’re married now.

Seriously, why does my kid always sound like he’s buying drugs? Who taught him to hustle like this? Because it’s not me. I am the worst at this kind of stuff.

I am going to remember that while I am rejected quite often, I am worth it. I will be worth it to someone. One day.

“How’s this for language, bellend?” “Don’t know what that means. Are you insulting me?” “Pillock.” “Sounds a bit like peacock.” “Knob.”

“His gay uncle?” “Yes, he’s a hundred years old, too. I’ve seen pictures. I would be dating an animated corpse if I agreed to that.”

“You fell hard for Kurt and he broke you to pieces in the end. He didn’t deserve you. I’m not sure this neighbor man deserves you either. Just be careful.”

I think about Kurt. How it felt like a whirlwind when we met, how fast I fell, how quickly it all fell apart. How broken I’d been when I realized he was cheating. When he found someone he loved and wanted more than me. Someone he was willing to give up his family for. For a while I’d wondered if I should just give up on trying to find my person—if I should focus solely on my son instead. I did that for a few years, but I’m lonely. I was made to walk through this life with someone else beside me. I want a person to share experiences with, to laugh with and cry with and just be with. But it’s so hard to find someone as a single dad, and I’d never pick someone who didn’t love Daniel as well.

“Do not fall in love with him,” I say as I stand up and wash my hands. “You will not fall for him. You dislike him. Mostly.” I meet my gaze in the mirror. “He is just a man with a dick. A dick of a man.”

“Are you just going to ignore me?” he asks, and I turn my head and meet his gaze, aiming the garden hose at him, squeezing the trigger, and spraying him with a rough stream of water.

What the fuck is he thinking? He has a child. He cannot possibly think he’s bringing that man into his home. I will not let him.

My dad talks about you a lot. He’s really tired all the time. I think he’s sad. He slept in my bed last night.

“Do not talk to me about my son. How dare you judge me. I have the right to take care of my needs, Ethan. I am a person too, and I have every fucking right. Do not make me out to be the bad guy when I have devoted my entire life to that boy. And I have done it all alone for years, with no help. I can take one night off a week if I feel like it. I deserve that.”

“You are a wonderful father. You have done the best job with him. You impressed me even before I knew you. When you were just the man in the window and he was just a chatty kid peering over my fence.”

“How did he die?” Well, he bit me, clinging on with those pointy teeth of his and I accidentally flung him into the fireplace. While it was on. He burned to a crisp. “Um, natural causes. Just old age,”

He’s cleaning up my son’s mess for me. He stayed. Why does he keep doing this shit? I can’t stand it. I am going to fall so hard for him if he keeps this up. I already am.

I need to have a chat with him about it. He keeps saying that he doesn’t do relationships, that this is just sex, and yet here he is on a Sunday morning making my son breakfast. He can’t keep doing this to me. I am so fucking confused.

“I just…it’s just sex to you, but it’s not like that for me anymore. And maybe if Daniel wasn’t in the picture, I could continue, but he likes you…he’ll get attached, and I can’t bring a man into my life who isn’t going to stick around. I can’t do that to him. Not after Kurt.”

“I am divorcing you. We are no longer friends.”

Makes me feel a little bad, to be honest. He’s a bit like Bambi and I feel like I just killed his mother.

“Uh, fish don’t have fingers. And we eat them with french fries, not chips,”

I am not only in lust with my neighbor—because fuck, who wouldn’t be? I mean, look at him—but I think I’m a tiny bit in love with him too.

Because now Ethan is acting even less like a friend, less like a lover, and more like a husband and father.

“Did you get naked with your friends at sleepovers often?” “This is an adult sleepover. It’s different,”

“What do you want?” I ask, hope blooming in my chest. Does he actually want me? No one ever wants me. Please want me, Ethan. “I want you, it seems.”

“I told myself that I’d never fall for someone again…and then you walked into my life…. I am utterly and completely wrecked for you, Colin. Entirely fucking gone for you.”

“You deserve to be with someone you can trust. I hope you know that.”

“If you let me love you, I would,”

“I would never leave you, Ethan. I would stay forever. If you let me.”

I feel like overturning desks and punching holes in walls. Is this what it’s like to be a parent? To want to burn the whole world down for this little human?

God, if this is what parenting is like I’ll need a nap halfway through each day.

At that moment I decide I’m going to try like hell to keep this man. Because I deserve it. Daniel deserves it. And Ethan deserves to have someone love him fiercely. I could do that. We could do that.

“Boyfriends and occasionally fiancés?” “And occasionally fiancés,” I agree, and he presses his head against me and sighs. “I like the sound of that.”

“No, Ethan. I was thinking about how much I love you.”

“It seems I’m in love with you too. I mean, that must be it. I’m infuriatingly obsessed with you. I want you all the time. I never want to let you go. It’s maddening, really. But yes, it feels like love.”

“Yes, it seems you’re the exception to all of my rules, Colin.” “I am?” “Yes. You are.”

“What was that?” I ask, dying to know. “Your smile.” “What about it?” I ask, feeling it slip. “I am consumed by it. I have been since you first hit me with it whilst standing in your driveway.”

“I mean, you’ve seen how sad his eyes get when he’s upset. I can’t handle it. It makes my heart feel funny.”

“Ethan Fox,” I say, my voice stern, my hands on my hips. “What on earth did you do?” “I did a wretched thing,” he says, looking glum and a little bit pouty. I arch an eyebrow at him. “Did you even get a hamster?” “I did,” he says and holds up a small travel carrier. “But I also got a dog.”