The Princess Bride

by William Goldman

“I think you should kill her now,” the Turk said. “The less you think, the happier I’ll be,” the Sicilian answered.

“No one could be following us yet?” the Spaniard asked. “No one,” the Sicilian assured him. “It would be inconceivable.” “Absolutely inconceivable?” “Absolutely, totally, and, in all other ways, inconceivable,” the Sicilian reassured him. “Why do you ask?” “No reason,” the Spaniard replied. “It’s only that I just happened to look back and something’s there.” They all whirled. Something was indeed there.

“He’s gaining on us,” the Turk said. “That is also inconceivable,” the Sicilian said. “Before I stole this boat we’re in, I made many inquiries as to what was the fastest ship on all of Florin Channel and everyone agreed it was this one.” “You’re right,” the Turk agreed, staring back. “He isn’t gaining on us. He’s just getting closer, that’s all.”

“You keep using that word!” the Spaniard snapped. “I don’t think it means what you think it does.”

“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die,”

“Life is pain,” his mother said. “Anybody that says different is selling something.”

“Do that one more time, you’re going to the Fire Swamp” is as common as “Clean your plate; people are starving in China.”

There’s death coming up, and you better understand this: some of the wrong people die. Be ready for it. This isn’t Curious George Uses the Potty.