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She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?
It was 1.30 a.m. I thought it would be rude to just leave, so I called Celso and told him it was too hot and noisy to stay. He didn’t sound that disappointed.
We went to a local café. The food was really, really tasty, but then I guess if your customers are coming in with grenades, machine guns and rocket launchers you wouldn’t want to serve them mush.
Luke mentioned that a lot of people go to the Kumbh Mela festival to ‘find themselves’. That’s a saying I’ve never understood. If I did want to find myself, I don’t think I’d find me at a festival with 20 million other people.
don’t know where I am. You don’t where I am.
These cows were spoilt rotten. It’s all to do with the Hare Krishna god being a fan of cows. I helped wash one, and then they sang a song to it and blessed it. It didn’t look very happy. It looked embarrassed, if anything.
The copper seemed to decide to go through the choice of sirens at four in the morning outside my room. He was like one of them people on the Tube in London who decides to use their commute to see what other ringtones they’ve got on their mobile.
I realized then that I had swapped lives with a lizard on this latest trip. Here it was eating my Hobnobs and there I’d been eating crickets, worms and wasp eggs. It’s odd to think the Mayans have probably never tried a Hobnob, yet this lizard had.
I told her that I can’t be doing with the Wonder part of these trips, but she said it should be the icing on the cake. But the thing with me is, I don’t really enjoy the icing on a cake. I often pull off the icing and leave it.
At that moment Leo went and poked me in my throat with two fingers. I didn’t even see it coming. It took my breath away for a moment. He was fast. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d checked my prostate gland at the same time.
Leo kept telling me that a healthy body makes a healthy mind. I told him this is not always the case. ‘Look at Stephen Hawking’, I said. I don’t think he knew who he was though.
‘I don’t think you should get all your information about China from Katie Melua songs either. I don’t know if that one’s official.’
