The Children of Men

by P.D. James

“That’s the answer to your question.” “And Luke?” “No, I didn’t love him, but I liked having him in love with me. I envied him because he could love so much, could feel so much. No one has wanted me with that intensity of emotion. So I gave him what he wanted. If I had loved him it would have been …” She paused for a moment, then said: “It would have been less sinful.” “Isn’t that a strong word for a simple act of generosity?” “But it wasn’t a simple act of generosity. It was an act of self-indulgence.” It wasn’t, he knew, the time for such a conversation, but when would there be a time? He had to know, had to understand. He said: “But it would have been all right, ‘less sinful’ are the words you used, if you’d loved him. So you agree with Rosie McClure, love justifies everything, excuses everything?” “No, but it’s natural, it’s human. What I did was to use Luke out of curiosity, boredom, perhaps to get back a little at Rolf for caring more for the group than he did for me, punishing Rolf because I’d stopped loving him. Can you understand that, the need to hurt someone because you can no longer love?” “Yes, I understand that.” She added: “It was all very commonplace, predictable, ignoble.” Theo said: “And tawdry.” “No. Not that. Nothing to do with Luke was tawdry. But it harmed him more than it gave him joy. But then you didn’t think I was a saint.”

They are speaking like adults about boundaries! 😦😧😩😴 (I actually like this exchange quite a bit)