The borderline’s unstable relationships are directly related to his intolerance of separation and fear of intimacy. The borderline is typically dependent, clinging, and idealizing until the lover, spouse, or friend repels or frustrates these needs with some sort of rejection or indifference, then the borderline caroms to the other extreme—devaluation, resistance to intimacy, and outright avoidance. A continual tug-of-war develops between the wish to merge and be taken care of, on the one hand, and the fear of engulfment, on the other.
