At the moment, the question of gender differences in the effectiveness of expressing anger remains open. But if you have to choose between being seen as likable and fitting in on the one hand or appearing competent albeit abrasive on the other, choose competence. Self-deprecating comments and humor work only if you have already established your competence. As the former Israeli prime minister Golda Meir said, “Don’t be so humble; you’re not that great.”19
